We didn't get together for Thanksgiving at Karen's this year.  She thought it best not to and I agreed.  With her 5 children and their spouses--these people work in all sorts of businesses.  My grandson and new wife are doing their medical residencies in hospital--not in a Covid ward, but who knows what bad buggies they might have.

Karen's second oldest, Susanna, couldn't come anyway and won't be here for Christmas either.  She had lived in Portland, Oregon for years, but because of the crowds and the racial problems they were having, she moved up to Anchorage, Alaska for a couple of months, which has turned into 4 and she just may stay there for another six.  She works as marketing director for New Balance shows, but all of her travel has been canceled and she can work from home easily.  She loves it there.

Christmas gathering may be a bit iffy too.  I don't mind staying home.  I'd rather not take any chances now so that next year or even this summer, we can have a big celebration.  Oh yes--I have another great grand baby due in May.  The newest married kids--the doctor's are expecting.

Our Governor is encouraging us "olders" not to go out unless absolutely necessary--grocery and prescriptions.  Just like last Spring.  I try and schedule all my stops for one trip.  I change masks in between stores.  A mask for the pharmacy, a new mask for the grocery store, a new mask for the gas station.

A nurse friend told me I didn't have to change masks like that.  I told her the reason I did was I wasn't worrying about germs...it's just that the dang masks get so hot, and make my face sweat, I want a new dry one for my next stop.

I have been working on genealogies, one after another.  That makes me sooooooo happy! I do get bored and if I have a genealogy to research and work on, it keeps my mind active and the hours just go by.

Needless to say, my house is a wreck.  I haven't dusted in probably a month.  I have genealogy papers strewn all over every surface in my office in here.  I have a big bucket standing just inside the office door, full of squirrel food...near the front door.  The large buckets that light weight cat litter comes in are perfect for storing bird seed and squirrel food, but they aren't too attractive when I have visitors.

I have had few in the last 10 months--probably another reason I am neglectful of my house work, I suppose.  No one is going to see my house so...who cares.  HAH!

My cable bill had gone up a bit so I called my cable service and not only did they lower the bill, they sent me a new cable box that shows everything on TV in HD.  The picture now fills up the entire TV screen AND a new voice remote.  What a wonder.  If I know there is a ballgame on, but can't remember which channel, I just speak into the remote..."Michigan State Basketball" and it takes me right to the correct channel.

I even get free movies too.  I've watched a few good ones.  I am supposed to get a free cell phone also--hasn't arrived yet, and usage for $5.00 a month.  I'm sure it will take me a month to learn how to use it...not too many gigobytes I'm sure, but enough so I can take it with me and get help if I ever need it and if I am in a WiFi area, which I have with my new cable box, it won't cost me anything to use it.  It even has a voice text...which should help me with my shaky hands--I was worrying about how I would type out a text message.

When we got our Stimulus check, way back when, the welfare people gave each of us who are on food stamps--actually there are no stamps involved now, they put money on a card for you to use to buy good...an extra $100.00.  My normal monthly amount was $15.00 which is really not much.

Then when I had my review in September, they upped my food allowance to $95.00 a month!  YOWZA!! I was buying meat and fruit and veggies and building up the $$$ on my card, because they roll over the amount I don't spend and add the monthly allowance amount to it.  It was high times for awhile.  I was having fun eating food I normally can't afford.

I got a letter from them last week.  The food allowance is going down to $25.00.  I still have $150.00 on my card, but without that $95.00 added each month, the amount on the card will soon come down and I will once again be at $25.00.  

When you are at the whim of the government, you don't question why the changes.  You take what they give and are danged glad to get it.  

I didn't decorate this year...I didn't decorate last year either.  My sister tells me, "Put up your tree.  Put out all your decorations and lights...it will make you feel better."  Well, actually it makes me feel worse.  I am here alone.  No one comes to visit.  It all just makes me more lonely and depressed with all the decorations.  Plus, the last time I did the whole thing...2018, it took me 5 days and I was exhausted.  I took it down Christmas day.

I do wish my Christmas Cactus would bloom.  It bloomed the first year I bought it, five years ago and hasn't bloomed since.  I looked it up on-line to see the shape of the leaves and if it is an Easter, Thanksgiving or Christmas cactus.  It doesn't bloom any time of year.

It grows and it is healthy and it gets the proper light and very little water.  Maybe I should transplant it in a different pot?  I may try that...at New Years time.

I did get all my Christmas cards created and printed out and have been folding them and putting in envelopes.  I want to mail them out Monday--December 7th, a "day that will live in infamy".  Not many of you remember that time.

I wonder when we will be able to get the Vaccine against Covid?  My sister says she will be first in line.  I figure I'll let her go first, see if she has any horrid side effects and then, I'll get mine next late summer.

Back in 1968--there was an epidemic of the Swine Flu.  We went to the school gymnasium and lined up to get the vaccine.  I was never so sick in my life!  That was the last flu shot I ever got until 6 years ago.  The flu shot I get now doesn't bother me a bit, but...I don't know about this vaccine.

In 1956, I got the Polio vaccine.  My mother waited a few days to see if I got sick, which I didn't, so then she took my little sister in to get it.  I figure, if I was the guinea pig back then for my sister, she can return the favor now.  HAH!

 I really am sorry.

I have had friends on this blog e-mail me and ask if I am all right.

I have been so negligent in posting.

It's just...there is very little positive things in life right now, that a post would be such a downer it wouldn't help anyone else.

People that know me in "real life" always mention what a positive, always smiling person I am.  Always upbeat, with a spring in my step.  

That's true--when I am out.  When I am around people.  Little do they know the lifelong battle I have had with depression and "boy howdy", as a friend Bonnie would say, that depression has me in its grip now!

I suppose I have too much pride to allow people to see that, so I stay home and that is self defeating because, not seeing and communicating with people, makes the depression worse.

After all people!  I am this deep faith Christian.  Giving all my worries and frustrations to God and waiting on Him to give me all I need in life.  Which I do, but I guess it makes me feel like a fake when I get depressed.  I shouldn't be depressed.  If my walk is where my talk is, I should be relaxed and calm and peaceful.

I guess...it's just everything that is going on in my world.

The pandemic is getting worse.  Our positive cases here in Michigan are higher than they were last spring.  It appears we are headed for another full lockdown.

The stupid election and this whole recount and suing States for "stealing and cheating" has me riled up.  I posted on FB that it was time to accept defeat, congratulate the winner graciously and get on with things.  All my Republican friends jumped all over me.  "Never give up!" they commented.  

I was hoping "we" could take the higher ground and not act like the Democrats acted these last 4 years.  Apparently not!

I've played enough sports where the umpires or refs made the wrong call, causing my team to lose.  You get angry.  You feel hurt, but you go over and congratulate the other team and walk away a good loser.  

Of course, the Holiday season never was any good for someone with depression, especially if they are alone.  I didn't decorate last year and I won't this year either.

"Oh, you must decorate," people say.  "It will make you feel better."

No.  It won't.  All the bright lights and songs just remind me of what I've lost.  Oh, I'll be okay when family gets together on Christmas Eve, if we do this year.  I will be happy and smiling and laughing with the Grand Kids, and wondering how long I have to stay in that noisy atmosphere, until I can gracefully leave to come home to quietness.  Four hours is my max.

I am turning into the stereotypical old woman!  Complaining and cranky.  Alone with her cats.  One pity party after another.

But no one will know, because I cover it so well.  What a fake!

====================

I just finished helping a friend do her family story.  Not a regular genealogy, as her family came from Hungary and we could only go back two generations.  Records in the countries that the Communists took over in WWII and after, are hard to find.  You have to fly over there and visit the church in their town to see if any records still exist.

It was a fun project.  She had collected so many photos and stories from her siblings and grandkids about her parents.  Also a section devoted to each sibling, there were 7 of them in the family, so it included grandchildren, great grands information.

Now I am working on a genealogy for a classmate of mine, wife.  He passed 3 years ago and she wants it for their two sons.  She didn't even think to have her own family included until I told her that if this genealogy was for their sons and grandchildren, her family must be included also.

Did I tell you that my car is in home Hospice?  I took it in for what I thought was a small repair...power steering fluid leaking from the rack and pinion...but they couldn't fix it because the undercarriage is so rusted out that there wasn't anything to fasten the new rack and pinion onto.

It is still driveable for short trips, like to the store or appointments, but it is on it's last wheels.

So, I need to find another car.  How am I going to finance that?

========================

My son's cancer has returned and he has to have a kidney removed.  His "girlfriend" has a text thread she uses to let my daughter's and sister know what is going on, but she won't e-mail me anything.  So I have to call my sister to find out what is happening.  

I have been nothing but nice to this woman for the last 17 years, but for some reason, she doesn't like me, I guess. 

I have to be careful what I post on Face Book because she is in cahoots with my youngest Jennifer and tells her if I post something she deems to be wrong.

========================

When I went to my daughter Karen's for the fall into the leaf pile and birthday party, I found out two days later that Karen's mother-in-law tested positive and was in hospital.  She and I sat next to each other at the table and yakked and yakked.  So I just stayed in for 14 days and waited to see if I had contracted The Virus.  No I did not and the lady is now home and doing well.

====================

I am doing okay.  Working on some exercises to get more strength back in my legs.  Working on this genealogy to keep my mind occupied.  Trying not to watch any National News because there isn't one main stream or cable news network that isn't prejudiced and biased to the max!

I will try to do better on posting, but for some reason, I am hesitant to tell it all to you.  I still feel like there might be a "spy" reading these posts and reporting back to my youngest.

Great!  Now I'm getting paranoid.  Oh well, that's a new mental illness I haven't had before.

HAH!

A Shocking Experience

 

I had not felt well most of the week.  My blood pressure was high as was my pulse rate.

I woke up in a sweat on the morning of October 29^th.   My blood pressure was 197 and my pulse rate was 135 beats per minute.  My balance was off and I found it difficult to walk.

I had started a new drug—Metoprolol Extended Release on the 9^th of September and it had been working well to keep my pulse rate and BP within normal ranges.

On October 7^th, I had a heart monitor to wear for a week.  The results had come back that there had been “no events” with my heart and everything was normal.

On the morning of the 29^th, I took my Metoprolol Extended Release pill.  An hour later, I found I couldn’t stand or walk without becoming weak and faint feeling.  The rest of the morning and early afternoon, I stayed in my chair, only getting up to go to the bathroom.  I had to hold onto the table and the wall to walk to the bathroom without fainting.  I thought perhaps I had a mild stroke.  I prayed off and on most of the day for God to help me.

Around 4:00 in the afternoon, I was sitting in my chair, reading, when all of a sudden I felt an electric shock hit my upper right arm, cross my body and go out my upper left arm, it jolted me.  This was immediately followed by extreme cold inside my body.

I didn’t have a chill.  My skin wasn’t cold.  It was icy cold in my body core—from chest down to my hips.  This lasted for a few seconds and was gone.

I put my book down and laid back in my chair, trying to breathe normally and relax.

About a half an hour later, I noticed that my head was clear.  I got up and walked to the bathroom with no feeling of faintness nor weakness.

I felt quite well, although tired, for the rest of the day and evening.

I had an appointment with the Cardiologist on October 30^th.  I woke that morning feeling well.

I walked from the car into the Cardiologist building with no problem, my balance seemed fine.  My BP was 174/68.  My pulse rate 66 bpm.

When the Cardiologist came into the exam room, we talked about the heart monitor test and she said it was great.  I had no problems with my heart.  Then I told her of what had happened the day before.

She said she had never heard of such a thing and asked me to describe how it had felt again.  As I told her of the “shock”, she just stared at me. 

“There is no physical explanation for that happening,” she said.  “I have never heard of anything like that.  Maybe you were touched by an Angel,” she said and then laughed.

I was still feeling good when I left her office that I drove into Brighton, stopped at the Meijer gas station, then on to the Meijer grocery store where I spent an hour buying groceries.  I drove home, carried in all the groceries and put them away.

Although my back hurt, which is normal after a grocery trip, I felt fine.  That evening, my blood pressure was 145/66, my pulse rate was 62.

I have tried to find out what caused this “shock”.  I have Googled it and searched.  There is nothing even mentioned about such an event.

I wanted to document it before I forgot the details.  I have no explanation.  It cannot be explained.  I give all the credit to God.  What else could it be?

 Proof of GiGi's Leaf  Dive.

I was telling a friend about my Snow Angel fall into the leaf pile and she wouldn't believe me.

"It didn't happen unless you have photos to prove it, "she said.

So---------------------

My two birthday girls.

 Saturday Morning--

I have a big adventure this afternoon.

My daughter Karen and Great Granddaughter Della's shared birthday party and I get to go.

I'm pretty excited about it.

The power steering on my car has been quiet so I know the p.s. fluid tank is full and I am confident I can get there and back with no problems.

Of course, I will ask God to keep me safe, and I know He will, which gives me even more confidence.

See ya all later--Jude

===============================

Saturday Night---

I would write about my adventure today, but I am sooooooo tired that I can't think clearly. LOL

================================

Sunday Morning---

My Saturday adventure.

I drove through Brighton on my way down to Karen and Mark’s for the October Birthdays party, I noticed a full-blown, block long, sidewalk Trump rally. People holding up signs and flags and cheering. Well, I got right into it, blowing my car horn, rolling down the car window and holding my hand up high with the thumb up, cheering inside my car. It actually gave me goose-bumps. It seemed every car, in all four lanes, coming and going, was blowing their horns and yelling out the car windows. Never any doubt which way this area votes in any election.

When I got to Karen’s, the little birthday girl Della and her little brother Harrison, along with the parents and grandparents were getting their jackets on to go play in the leaf pile. I looked out the window and, there was an enormous leaf pile. Della came back inside and said, “I want GiGi to come play in the leaves.” Wait a minute. GiGi? That would be me! YIKES!

The enormous leaf pile was down on the lower level of their yard. The last time I was down there, it took every ounce of strength and a day long back ache, to climb that hill back up to the house. Oh, what the heck--I put on my jacket.

The going down the yard was pretty easy. I stood by the leaf pile and watched Della’s Daddy and Grandpa, “swimming” through the pile, under the leaves, playing shark. I started singing Baby Shark. Then, to this minute I have no idea what happened to my reasoning, but I spread out my arms like I was going to make a snow angel, and fell backwards into the leaf pile.

I sank down into the leaves and felt them cover me. It was sort of blissful…to peek up through the leaves covering my face and see the sky.

I sat up for a while and threw leaves at the kids, then it was time for me to get up.

Now I was faced with the consequences of my impulsive actions. I couldn’t get up. There was no way I could stand up from that position. I called Karen to help me. She grabbed my hand and pulled—that didn’t work. So she called Grandpa Mark, he took my other hand and they pulled—that didn’t work and it hurt my back and legs when I tried to push myself up. I asked them not to pull me, but just set their feet, hold my hands and I would use their strength to pull myself up—that didn’t work either. I have no leg or arm strength.

The thought went through my mind that we might have to call 911 for help. What I should have done is have my grand son-in-law Mike to come, stand behind me and while Karen and Mark pulled me, he could lift me up under my arms. Mike is about 10 feet tall and a strong young man. Didn’t think of that until afterwards………….Mark and Karen pulled and I tried to push with my feet and legs and finally I was standing up. The pain that was shooting through my hips, back and legs was…intense, for lack of a better word. Now I had to climb the hill to get back up to the house. Karen walked along beside me, I was holding onto her arm and we took that hill at an angle and…I made it.

The rest of the afternoon was wondrous. Oldest Grandson Marcus, whose birthday was Oct. 19th, opened his gifts, then Della and Karen opened their gifts—the amount of gifts Della received, looked like a birthday and Christmas combined. I got to play a little bit with Maddie’s little guy Ben, and Della’s little brother Harrison and talk to my grandkids and Della’s other Grandma. There were lots of hugs and laughter and fun.

Then at 4:30, I realized that I could hardly walk and it was time to head home. I was hurtin’ for certain.

The icing on the cake, so to speak. I found out I will have another Great Grand Baby this coming Spring!

The moral of this story—you just gotta dive in! You just gotta play and make memories. You can rest the next day, but you just gotta Carpe Diem!!!

Today, I am recovering and surprised that I don’t ache as much as I thought I would. I am remembering and smiling at each memory of yesterday. I am rejoicing in the fact that I got to experience it all.

 Yesterday I got to drive up the road to the Cardiologist's office and get a heart monitor stuck on my chest.  Not one of those hold fashioned Holter Monitor's with the 20 leads stuck all over your chest and a heavy bag to carry around on your shoulder, this one is small.

It has a smart phone sized recording and battery pack that I have to keep within 30 feet of me and if I have a "symptom", like a rapid heart rate, I put the info into the smart phone thingie.

I guess this the newest thing out there and probably the Cardiologist is promoting it, as there were 3 other people in the office getting one stuck on their chest too.

Well, since, at my suggestion, they changed my one med to a time-released one, my heart rate has been in the 60's and my BP in the 126 range, SO--I don't think I am going to have any symptoms to record, but..............it's kind of cool.....to have a mini EKG recording all the time.

In a week, I take it off, bag everything up and Fed Ex it back to the maker, where they check the readings and send a report to my Cardiologist...which I see again on Oct. 30th.

========================

Did you watch the VP debate?  I didn't, but the big news seems to be there was a fly sitting on Mr. Pence's head for two whole minutes and he just ignored it.

I don't watch any of the debates anymore.  I am not an undecided voter and I don't need to waste my time listening to lies and misinformation and the interrupting and rude behavior that seems the content of our debates.

Which reminds me.  I gotta get my absentee ballot up to the township clerk's drop box.  It's only a mile away--an easy drive and drop off.

=====================

My Jennifer is here from New Jersey, on a business trip.  The first time since the shutdown in March.  Karen is going to have a cook-out on Saturday so we can all get together.  I am going because it is the only way I will get to see Jen.  On these trips from NJ to the MI law firm she works for, she is always too busy to drop in--or at least that is the excuse I hear.

============

I hope my son Mark will be there.  His cancer has come out of remission and he has been in the hospital-out patient for more tests.  

I am finishing up all my medical appointments that were canceled in March.  Got my Flu shot the other day.  The week of the 19th, I have an appointment with the Pulmonologist to tell me that my lung CT scan was fine--which I already know because I read the report on my Patient Portal and then the 22nd I have a dental cleaning.  I hate going to the Dentist.  Why do I hate going to the Dentist?  For a cleaning?  It's not like I have to have a root canal....or maybe I'm scared that she will find evidence that I DO need a root canal!

ARRGH!!!

See ya--Jude

 

 I don't quite know what it is, but I just can't seem to tend to my blog.

Sure, I can use the excuse that I have been working on a large genealogy and after working for hours on the computer, I am not in the mood to get creative and post on my blog.

While that excuse is true, there is just something else.

Some sort of deep weariness or depression, or a feeling of dread at what is going to happen next, that has come to live in my mind for the last few months.  Plus, I'm lonely.

Which is real stupid!  I don't see my kids very often in normal times, but it seems now, I CAN'T see them, so I guess it makes it feel worse.  It's like when we get snowed in and I look outside and realize I can't drive my car to go anywhere, EVEN THOUGH I don't need to go anywhere--it's the knowing I can't that makes me antsy.

I should be elated!  I finished a large genealogy and mailed it off.  My client lives in Oregon and had to evacuate to her son's home, but her home was saved, so I could mail the genealogy directly to her.  I had already received her check--considering it was 3 genealogies, one of her, her son and her daughter--it was a nice check.

I have another, not so much a genealogy, but a family story.  My client had files and files full of information on each parent and sibling.  Her parents and grandparents from Hungary, so I had what I needed.  It was just putting it into chronological order, with the story written around it.  I love it and am nearly finished with it.  My client is a younger sister to a best friend.  My friend died in 1995, so when I got to her file folder and saw her photo, it brought back some teary memories.  Oh, she would have loved this book.

I have another genealogy waiting in the wings.

So, I am busy and my mind is flourishing with being challenged to be creative.

...and the extra money certainly takes the budget worries away, for a time anyway.

So.  What is the problem?  

My back hurts--normal in my life.

My left foot hurts and I walk funny--nearly normal.

I go days without going anywhere--normal in my life.

=======================

I just don't know.  I am weary.  I am nervous.  I feel like I am waiting for the next awful world event to happen.  What horrible thing is going to happen.

I pray a lot.  I talk to God a lot during the day.  I consider myself to have a deep faith.  Apparently I am lacking in that or I would be doing better.  

I keep telling myself to be grateful that I am in good health.  Be grateful that right now, I have no money worries.  Just be grateful...and I am, but...........................