Hey!  Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to have the time to post on their blog on busy Christmas Day.  I am one of them.

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No White Christmas for us and...I don't care.  It makes traveling around a whole lot easier...and travel I did, yesterday.  It was Christmas Eve and I needed to be Home.

Well you see, for the last 100+ years and all of my life, our family--that is the Walts family, always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day we ran around to other Grand Parents or Aunts houses. Since our families have grown and grand children are grown, we can't always get together on the Eve. We will have our big family gathering on the 27th this year. 

You know how I am about tradition!! My middle name is Tevya! I just couldn't stand the thought of not being at The Farm on Christmas Eve, so my sister invited me up--her husband, her son and his two daughters were there too. She has her house decorated beautifully, as usual, 5 decorated trees, wreaths in every window, along with candles in every window, upstairs and down. The minute I walked in, I knew I had found Christmas. How fortunate I am to still have family members living in the homes I grew up in. Ah-hh. 

It was perfect.  A nice small group, we could each talk to each other and hear each other.
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Last night, after I got home, I was remembering a Christmas Eve, some 30+ years ago.  Recently divorced, I was feeling particularly sad.  I felt uncomfortable in my home church, where I had attended since I was born--for 45 years.  Being divorced, when I walked in on Sunday mornings, I could see the gossips, sitting on the far side of the sanctuary, look at me then put their heads together and whisper. I had also been told, by one of those well-meaning women, that because of my circumstances, I should no longer sing in the choir.  Bad example you know.

I transferred my church membership to a small church in the neighboring town.  From my first Sunday, in that little church, I had felt so welcomed and cared for, even though they were aware of my “circumstances” they just loved me and the choir director insisted I join the choir. I can remember her words.

"Judy, I want you in my choir. Rehearsals are Thursday night at seven-thirty."

"Oh...no...I can't...well, I'm divorced and...well  you know...a sinner, I guess."

"Well in this church, we put all the sinners up front in the choir so the congregation can keep an eye on them!"

I replied, "See ya Thursday night!"

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That year, there was going to be a Christmas Eve service at 7:00 and also at midnight.  Since my family always celebrated our Christmas on Christmas Eve evening, I couldn’t make the 7:00 service.  I got home around 9:30 and decided to go to the Midnight service.

There were only about 25 of us.  One candle was lit on the altar, the organist, softly playing a Christmas hymn.  After the message, the Pastor asked us to stand up, join hands and make a circle.  

He said a prayer then we held lit candles and sang Silent Night.  The Pastor requested, as we left, to not say a word…to go out into the dark night knowing the light of the world had come to drive the darkness away.

As we walked out, I heard the person who opened the front door, gasp.  We all crowded out onto the front steps, and were greeted with pure, white gently falling, big fat snowflakes. It hadn’t snowed much that winter and we thought there would be no white Christmas.

I remember hugs and tears and quiet whispers of merry Christmas.  Even as we walked to our cars and started them to drive home, everything seemed muffled in quiet peace.

Many Christmas Eves have come and gone and I remember quite a few of them, but that Christmas Eve. 30+ years ago, was the most spiritual and awe inspiring one I have ever experienced and I will never forget the feeling of love and peace that covered me that special night.  

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Merry Christmas my Dear Friends.  May the Light of the World cover you with many blessings.

Quite an adventure yesterday.

I had to get groceries and for some reason, instead of going to Meijer, I went to Walmart. I didn't take the electric cart because I thought maybe walking would be good for my back. It wasn't.

By the time I got to the check-out, I was having spasms in my back, something I have never had before.

As I was walking slowly out, someone called my name...it was the guy that shovels out my driveway in the winter. He offered to put my groceries in the trunk of the car for me. What a relief.

As I drove home, I wondered how I was going to unload my car--even using my cart that goes up the steps, to pull it up was going to just about put me under.

"Please God, give me strength to do this":

As I neared my driveway, I noticed a car in my drive. It was the guy! He hauled all my groceries into the house for me and sat them up on the kitchen counter so I wouldn't have to bend over to pick them up off the floor to put them away.

You don't believe in God's providence? If I had gone to Meijer, like I planned, I never would have met him and never got the help I so desperately needed.

I know he's out of work and I know where he lives--he drove several miles out of his way to stop here. I had $10.00 left from my grocery money and I gave it to him to help with gas for his car.

I also gave him a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a Merry Christmas and a God Bless you, Dan.

God works in mysterious ways.....................

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Then when I got home, there was a message on my phone that my prescription was filled and ready to be picked up--at Walmart.  So I had to go in this afternoon and get it.  Of course, the parking lot is filled, so again, I had to walk 457 thousand miles and then stand in line at the pharmacy.

...and when I got home today, there is another message on my phone telling me the inkjet cartridges I ordered are in and ready for pick-up....in the other town I live near, Brighton.  ARGGH!!!  The traffic will be even worse in that town.

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I have discovered that my back doesn't hurt when I bend over--weird, huh?  It only hurts when I walk, so around the house, I have been walking, bent over at the waist with my arms hanging down alongside my legs.  This might be a good thing....I can see better with my face nearer the floor so I won't trip on a rug or cat and...I'm not as conscious of the clutter on my kitchen counters/table/etc. 

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I have a total of 78 hours into this genealogy, that I started Nov. 12th.

I have the pedigrees done, the book written, well over 130 pages.

Now all I have to do is print out the book, insert the pedigrees and get the book bound. I just might have it finished by years end.

My client gave me a plastic storage box, filled with file folders, scraps of paper, letters and a few photos. She wanted me to organize the 6 different families into a book. 

On my research, I found more photos and family bios. Even with her accumulated research, she is going to be surprised at what additional generations and information I found.
This has been a fabulous adventure--England, France, Sweden, Netherlands, Germany, Scotland and Canada.
What a trip!!!!!!!
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The Winter Solstice is tomorrow--along with a full moon and a meteor shower.  It might be best to just stay inside, but if you do go out--beware of falling objects from the sky.

I took my computer into rehab Thursday early morning.  

I can tell how pitiful my life is because, being without my computer was like being without my soul mate!!!  I wandered around the rest of the day, not knowing what to do!

Friday I had figured out that it would be a good time to get some other stuff done.  My back was still pretty sore, but I noticed I could vacuum the bedroom while sitting on the bed, the bathroom, while sitting on the toilet and the living room while scooting around in my (wheeled) office chair--cleaned up the office that way too and dusted the office.  The cat's litter box is in here and it makes so much dust when I clean it out every day.  I gotta try that "dustless" cat litter I see advertised.

I also got my "baby boy" blanket done.

I also got the 3" memory foam I had ordered and cut a new piece for my office chair.  Buddy Cat seemed to like it so much, I cut him some too.  It is behind my recliner, where he likes to lay.

I also got to watch more TV than usual and saw some real edifying programs on history and politics and the Bible.

I got my computer back Saturday afternoon.  They had put it into a machine that blows all the dust and dirt out of it.  Then they hook it up to some sort of program that ran for 24 hours and takes out all viruses, temporary files, cookies, malware--all that bad stuff that can use up hard drive space, slow the computer down, and cause big time problems.

I was having advertisements pop-up while working in my Family Tree or even Word Documents.  None of those are hooked up to the Internet, so I had no clue how the ads were getting through.

All that has been taken care of!  My computer now runs at the speed of sound.

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Thursday I went for my eye appointment.  My cataracts have not grown in 3 years--YAY, so no need of surgery just yet.  I did need some more "power" in my glasses, so I got a prescription and will get a new pair....soon.  All the glasses places are going back to the heavier plastic frames, which I have always preferred over these thin metal ones, but they all seem to be in dark colors.  I don't think my gray hair and pale skin are going to look good in a dark frame, but I will see when I go looking.

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My back seems to be getting a bit better today.  It has localized to just one spot.  I can feel the swelling over the "owie" spot.

I had to make a Pepsi run and the store parking lot was filled, so I had to walk a long ways to the store.  I took my cane to help.  When I got in the store, I saw 8 electric carts all charged up and ready to go.  Why not?" I said, jumped in one, put my purse and cane in the front basket, and tooled all over the store.  Such fun!

The Pepsi is always way at the back of the store, so I went there first, then heading up toward the check-out area, I went up and down aisles I have never been before.  Always walking and pushing my cart, I'd get a sore back and tired out.  This way, just riding around in my little buggy, I could go anywhere I wanted.

Because I was parked so far out, I asked the cashier if I was allowed to take the cart out to my car, she said, "Sure.  I'll get someone to bring it back to the store for you."

YOWZA!!!

Pretty soon this little lady came up and introduced herself.  She told me her name was "Jody"--she told me exactly 4 times her name was Jody and not many girls are named Jody and it is a boy's name, but she is Jody.  All the while I am driving along, she is walking beside the cart and expounding on her name....just in case I had forgotten, is "Jody.  My name is Jody."

She loaded my few purchases in the trunk of the car, helped me to my car, practically making me fall into the seat, she was so eager to help, then told me, "The next time you come, call the manager from your car and I will come out and pick you up.  Just ask for Jody."  Then she drove the cart back to the store.

I have seen her before.  She is the one that goes out and gets all the carts out of the corrals and takes them back into the store.  A bit dim, but she sure does her job with great care and compassion.

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Today, I am once again working on the genealogy and have a MichiganState Basketball game to watch at 5:00.

We are coming down towards Christmas week, which means I am going to have to go to the store again to get ingredients for the Taco Chip Dip I always make.

I think I will take the electric cart again!!!!!!!!

Hi.  My name is Judy.  Didja forget me?

Thanks Debra Edwards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Merry Christmas.

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I am pleased to report that my internal traffic problem has been solved!! It took 7 days, but we are fine.

I am still dealing with severe back pain and don't know what to do about that.  There probably is nothing that can be done about it.  Spinal stenosis, degeneration of the discs, herniated discs and spurs.

It is getting very difficult for me to walk or stand very long, but.....

I suppose sitting here at the computer for 4 hours, working on this genealogy does not help, although I do get up every hour to walk to the bathroom and I walk out to get my mail.

It is just a constant pain, except when I lay down.  It doesn't impede my sleep at all and for that I am grateful.

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I did make it to Maddies performance in the Nutcracker--13 years in a row now I have attended.  I kidded her that this might be her last year.  She's getting married end of May, I expect she'll be pregnant before December.  LOL

It seems like only last year, she was

dancing this role.

 I don't know how she finds the time.  She is in nursing school, plus works at the hospital, she teaches ballet, drops in daily to help an elderly woman and is planning her wedding.  She said that dancing is her way to wind down.  That it releases all her stress and makes her so happy.

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I finished the test pattern I was working on for the Baby Girl blanket.  The minute I posted a photo of it on Face Book, my cousin called and wanted to buy it from me for her expected baby girl great grand daughter.  I tried to explain to her that it wasn't perfect.  That in some places the spacing was off, but she insisted.

So I invited her to come for a visit Monday.  We had a good chat.  We talked politics AND religion and although we are polar opposites on the political side and she is a much more liberal christian than I am, we had a great time and we never ever called each other a name or got mad.  It was so nice to have company.

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My sister and I have solved the family not having the traditional Christmas EVE.  We are having our own!!!!!  I have ordered a book from Amazon to be delivered to her address.  She says she has presents for me.  Since there is a "no presents" policy this year--we can't very well give each other our gifts in front of the others, so....I will drive up to The Farm on Christmas Eve noon and we shall do our own thing.

That way, I can see all her beautiful Christmas decorations.  She goes all out with gorgeous trees in each room!!  and an all crystal and pink one in the living room.

I have put up none--well I did put up a cross stitch of a Christmas Angel and I threw a Christmas themed pillow on my couch and that's it.  

I can remember a few years ago, when an older friend announced that she was not going to put up a Christmas tree.  "How can you not do it?"  I asked.  "I will never, not put up a Christmas tree!  Never."

Yeah....well.  I have since apologized to her, because I am that way now.  

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Dar is back to work!!!!  Just like she maintained she would--nearly 3 years ago after her car accident.  When doctors, physical therapists and friends kept telling her to get used to it, that she would never work at cashier again, she always maintained she would.  I don't know why.  She doesn't need the money and she got a very good settlement from her accident.

For the past three years, ever since her Dad came to live with her, if she was at a doctors appointment and running a bit late, she'd call me and I'd have to run over and tell Dad, not to worry.  That she was just running late.

Now she leaves the 97 year old guy home alone for 8+ hours and doesn't seem to worry about him.  Dar is a very social person and she has just about gone nuts these past years, because she couldn't get out and be with people.

She is one of those kinds of people that has to go somewhere every day.  She gets into a panic if we get 2" of snow.  Even if it is only to drive to town to get coffee, she has to go every day.

Well, now she has a place to go.

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Pearl is not doing well.  Merle is the sick one with Parkinsons, but he still walks everyday and on Thursdays, after the garbage men leave, Merle comes along the street and brings everyone's garbage pail up to their door.

The ambulance has been to their house 3 times this month and it isn't even the middle of the month yet.  Pearl falls.  She doesn't faint and fall, she can just be standing in front of the sink and her legs give out and down she goes.  Merle can't get her up--she is heavy, so he has to call the ambulance.  The ambulance people now know and when Merle tells them, "she's all right, she's just fallen", they just come in the rescue truck or car and two guys get out and into the house and pick her up and put her in her chair.

I saw Merle and her daughter helping Pearl out of the house and down the steps and into the car so they could drive up town and go through the drive through for supper.  At least she had a treat that day.

They had a company put in a ramp two years ago for her, but she has never used it.  She says it is too far to walk on it and get to the car.  Trying to get up and down the porch steps gets her nearer where their car is parked.

I need to get down there for a visit--if I can manage to walk that far without crying from the back pain.Oh...that sounded selfish.  I'll get there one way or another.  Maybe stop on my way home from somewhere and walk from car to her living room and then drive myself home.  

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We were kind of concerned.  My son went in for his three month check-up and his "numbers" were up.  So he had to go back for an MRI.  The report showed that his tumors are still dormant, have not grown and he is still in remission.  The Doc doesn't know why his PSA numbers were up, but my son is fine.  

Of course, me not being on the "girls" text contact list, I am out of the loop.  So I e-mail my sister to find out what is going on.

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I guess that's it for my exciting life.  I will try and do better with my posting--I keep saying that and I keep failing.  Just know I'm okay, but real busy with this genealogy.  The biggest one I have ever done!  and   I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, my resolve to post more often seems to remain unresolved.  I noticed, it has been another week.

I am such an undisciplined person!  I am easily distracted too.  I have a lot going on.  I lead a very boring life.

Let's see--last Monday we had such a snow storm that I cancelled my hair cut appointment.  Oh, By the way, it is 54 degrees and raining today.

I went to my hair cut appointment on Tuesday and walked out of there with probably....No--actually the worse hair cut I have ever had.  Which seems weird because this stylist has cut my hair a half dozen times, so she should know how I like it.

I like it short, but.........I came out looking like someone's 79 year old grandfather!!!  She cut around my ears--that is fine, but the hair on the sides is 1/4" short and...she cut off my side burns!!!!!  AND...she practically shaved the back.  Like I said, I look like a gray haired man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So, when this gray, wiry hair starts to grow out, those sideburns are going to stick out like General Burnsides!!!!!!!!!!!!  I kid you not!!!

Wednesday morning I woke up early with a sharp pain in my left side.  It came and went, so I assumed it had something to do with my kidneys.  I drank water and more water and even more water.  The next morning the pain had subsided a bit, but an even worse pain had settled in my lower back.  Somewhat like the "normal" lower back pain I have constantly, but much worse.

I put my heated rice sock on the area.  Then I put on an ice pack.  Sat with my T.E.N.S device vibrating for a few hours and then finished up with a good rubbing in of horse linament.  I mean, real linament they use on horses.  I get it at the farm supply store.

That pain continued all day Friday and then it occurred to me that I was constipated.  I eat a lot of fiber and just like a cow, that eats too much hay and corn, I was bloated up and needed relief.

Relief takes days.  I used to have some "blockage" busting laxatives that worked over night and gave me two days of diarrhea.  I don't have them any more.  I was too the point of wishing I had that stuff we have to drink before a colonoscopy!  So, I started with the Miralax--which takes 2-3 days to really work.

It occurred to me this morning that I haven't walked enough to keep my system working correctly.  Hours sitting in front of this computer, working on a genealogy is not good.  Hours sitting in my recliner watching football and basketball games is not good either.

I feel a little better today, but still the pain in my lower back, which I suppose could be caused by the blockage.  

We have 28 miles of intestines inside us.  I do believe the traffic is blocked up near the 5 mile sign post from the exit ramp.  
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The past week, other than working on this gigantic genealogy, which you know I love doing--I managed to get my Christmas Cards made--plus special ones for the grand kids, kids and sister and a Channukah card for my grand daughters mother-in-law.  Plus I have 4 December birthdays that I made cards for.

My bonus daughter Chris always mails me Christmas stamps, and I have greeting card envelopes, so I am all set.  I just hope I don't forget to put them in the envelopes and mail them.  Around the 10th maybe?

Then next Saturday Karen is taking me to the Nutcracker.  Madeleine is dancing again this year.  She also teaches ballet classes, goes to nursing school and is preparing for her May wedding.

Then on the 13th I have an appointment that took me 4 months to get at the Opthalmologist to get my eyes checked.  I know I need new glasses...don't have the money for them yet, but this genealogy will help cover some of the cost.  I just hope the Doc doesn't think I need cataracts removed.  I do not have time for that!!!!!!!

Because of the eye appointment, I will miss our Gal Pals luncheon on that day.  Which honestly?  Is okay with me.  I am not in the mood to drive that far, well, it's not really faaaaaaar, only like 40 minutes, but.......I really don't have the $$$ for the gas and lunch AND most importantly, if I am to be really honest, Liz, the Senile Senior is really a mood killer, probably because any of her "stories" always seem to include me---even though they never happened and I was not involved.

Or am I senile and have forgotten I was there with her? 

I just found out that my blog was hacked last week!

Apparently, some old, lonely, cranky woman got into my blog and posted a real pity party for herself.  She was writing under my name and impersonating herself as me!  The nerve!

Well, I've finally gotten rid of her and will try to keep her out.  How she gains access is beyond me, but every now and then, she sneaks in.

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My daughter Karen and her hubs Mark, spent Thanksgiving with his mother.  His Dad died just a few weeks ago, and his siblings live out of State.  It was nice that they could be with her.  Those first holidays are so tough on new widows.

Karen called me that night to tell me she missed not being with me on Thanksgiving and that she loved me.  Then Saturday she called again on their way home and made arrangements to pick me up on December 8th to go to the Nutcracker performance to watch Madeleine dance.

Pam called on Friday.  She had spent Thanksgiving day with her friend and his family--she spends each Thanksgiving with them.

Son Mark and his "wife" always spend Thanksgiving with her family.  They usually spend the weekend there and come home on Sunday.

I got all my laundry done that day and had time to sit and crochet on a new project and watch a couple of really good classic movies.

Friday, which seemed like another holiday because regular TV programming was kaput.  My Soap was pre-empted by a stupid hockey game.  So I worked on a genealogy.

Yesterday, I watched the BIG game--big in this area anyway.  University of Michigan played The Ohio State University.  I despise U of M as much as anyone, so I was whooping a lot as Ohio State trounced their arrogant A**es.  

My newly married Grandson Marcus, who graduated from U of M, and his lovely wife, who is a rabid Ohio State fan, had a game watching party.  I wouldn't have wanted to be there!  I hope their marriage can withstand these yearly bouts of intense rivalry.

Our family has always been very competitive when it comes to sports and games.   Nobody gets mad, but the winners do strut around for awhile.  I distinctly remember when Karen was 10, the first time she beat me at Canasta.  She ran through the house, upstairs and down, waving the score sheet,  yelling, "I beat Mom!  I beat Mom." and the other kids and Dad gave me a good "nah, nah, nah, a nah, nah."  We learn early on how to be a good loser.

BTW--she still has that score sheet, packed away in a cedar chest.

Karen's large family has taken on this attitude.  Their kids, as were mine, were taught how to play games and cards when they were young.  They were playing Chess at 10 years old.  I taught mine how to play Backgammon at about that age.  

We always had a game day between Christmas and New Years.  We'd all stay in our pajamas, even Dad, and play different games.  Have a Backgammon tournament or an intense game of Sorry.

Karen kept this tradition going.  I went one year and found myself involved in a game of Trivial Pursuit.  How those kids thought they could beat grandma and all the wisdom in her brain was beyond me and of course, I beat them all.  I even got up and did a "strut" around the big dining room table.   After that, whenever the kids wanted to play Trivial Pursuit, there were calls for, "I want Gramma on my team"...ah the joy of it all.

Part of that is supposed to take place on December 27th when we get together for our Holiday family gathering.  All the grand kids and their significant others will be there, my kids (except for Jennifer's family) and my sister, BIL and her son Adam.   

I'm trying real hard not to have any expectations, but Grand Girl Helene has already asked me if I will play a game of Cribbage with her.

Life is good.

It's not everyone that can find time to post on their blog on busy Thanksgiving Day.  Only us, who are alone; neglected by family and friends.  Even the poor and homeless are hauled into churches and centers to be fed the feast of bird, stuffing, potatoes and gravy.  I will be dining on half a sandwich of thinly sliced Hillshire Farms pastrami.

Do I really care?  Not really.  I don't have the energy to get cleaned up and drive to where ever for dinner...I don't really like Turkey all that much.  I guess it just ticks me off that tradition has it to have this day be all about family.  Gathered around the huge table.  Memories shared.  The Matriarch of the family honored.  Grand children waiting with baited breath for grand mother to speak her words of wisdom.  

Then I remember last year.  I was invited to drive up to The Farm and share the day with sister, BIL and her son.  We had chicken--as none of them like turkey.  After dinner--1:00, we cleaned up, went into the living room and they all hauled out their phones and IPads and spent the next hour on them, while I sat on the couch, staring at some football game I had no interest in.

If I asked a question or tried to engage them in conversation, their replies were one or two words--never looking up from their electronic devices.  I remember feeling a slow burn starting in my head, so before I could stand up and let go with a diatribe, laced with curse words, on how rude they were, I gathered my things and came home.

So this year, I can just stay home and not have to go through any real or perceived hurts.  It's just another Thursday and I can do laundry, watch a couple of good movies, crochet and work on a genealogy.  It just might be the nicest Thanksgiving I have had in the last 7 years.

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Sister and BIL came down yesterday to put plastic film over the inside of my back door to keep out the winter drafts.  I had found a new blind to put up, to replace the broken one, it however was one of those new cordless ones and didn't fit the holders that were already up, so BIL had to put up new ones and hang the blind.

I don't like it.  You have to pull on the bottom of the blind to get it down to cover the window.  The apparatus holding the blind at the top, feels very flimsy and BIL said to hold onto it while pulling the blind down.  Luckily, I don't raise and lower that blind, only turn the handle to adjust the angle of the blinds, so I guess it will be okay.

One toddler, somewhere, 10 years ago, strangled on the cord from a set of blinds so now we have to live with cordless ones.  I could not find a pair of blinds with  cords!!!  I would like to get 3 new blinds for this computer room.  The kind that help to darken the room, because with the sun at its winter angle, even with these blinds down, it gets so bright in here, and my desk faces the south, that I can't do a thing on my computer from 10:00 until 3:00.  BUT if I can't find any with cords, that means I would have to have BIL install them and I am not going to do that.

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I think I have lived too long!!

Everything seems to be so difficult.  Our weather was so weird, I never did get my perennial garden cut back and cleaned up.  We had no Spring, we had no Fall, no Indian Summer...maybe a January thaw?  Maybe it will be 60 degrees in January and I can finish up?

Our society is going...........I don't know where it's going, but it seems to be going crazy to me.  People are becoming so oriented into "it's all about me" attitudes....they are angry and rude and moving way too fast.  

I was using the self-checkout yesterday at Meijer, and the lady at the one behind me was arguing with the check out machine.  I kid you not.  Every time that automated voice gave a command, she replied, angrily, in a not too soft voice.  "I already did that!"  "What the hell?" "No.  I already did that!"

 I got so caught up in the whole thing that when my machine said, "Thank you for shopping at Meijer," I replied "Your welcome."  EGADS!!!!!

People are so tuned into their electronic devices.  The devices are their constant companions.  No wonder they don't need real people around to talk to.

Even I am wondering if I could afford to get a Echo Dot or Alexa.  I would change it to a male voice with a British accent and have someone to talk to all day.  

Then I wouldn't even care that I am also going to be alone on our family traditional Christmas Eve and Christmas day because someone decided to have our family get together on December 27th.  

Yep.  I've lived too long.  Six years ago, "they" promised, as long as I was alive, to have our family Christmas on Christmas Eve, as we have always done.  If I weren't here, they could have it or not have it any dang time they wanted.  I wouldn't feel hurt or neglected and they wouldn't have to give any thought to my feelings--which they don't do now.

But.....I'm fine.  I really don't care.