I don't quite know what it is, but I just can't seem to tend to my blog.

Sure, I can use the excuse that I have been working on a large genealogy and after working for hours on the computer, I am not in the mood to get creative and post on my blog.

While that excuse is true, there is just something else.

Some sort of deep weariness or depression, or a feeling of dread at what is going to happen next, that has come to live in my mind for the last few months.  Plus, I'm lonely.

Which is real stupid!  I don't see my kids very often in normal times, but it seems now, I CAN'T see them, so I guess it makes it feel worse.  It's like when we get snowed in and I look outside and realize I can't drive my car to go anywhere, EVEN THOUGH I don't need to go anywhere--it's the knowing I can't that makes me antsy.

I should be elated!  I finished a large genealogy and mailed it off.  My client lives in Oregon and had to evacuate to her son's home, but her home was saved, so I could mail the genealogy directly to her.  I had already received her check--considering it was 3 genealogies, one of her, her son and her daughter--it was a nice check.

I have another, not so much a genealogy, but a family story.  My client had files and files full of information on each parent and sibling.  Her parents and grandparents from Hungary, so I had what I needed.  It was just putting it into chronological order, with the story written around it.  I love it and am nearly finished with it.  My client is a younger sister to a best friend.  My friend died in 1995, so when I got to her file folder and saw her photo, it brought back some teary memories.  Oh, she would have loved this book.

I have another genealogy waiting in the wings.

So, I am busy and my mind is flourishing with being challenged to be creative.

...and the extra money certainly takes the budget worries away, for a time anyway.

So.  What is the problem?  

My back hurts--normal in my life.

My left foot hurts and I walk funny--nearly normal.

I go days without going anywhere--normal in my life.

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I just don't know.  I am weary.  I am nervous.  I feel like I am waiting for the next awful world event to happen.  What horrible thing is going to happen.

I pray a lot.  I talk to God a lot during the day.  I consider myself to have a deep faith.  Apparently I am lacking in that or I would be doing better.  

I keep telling myself to be grateful that I am in good health.  Be grateful that right now, I have no money worries.  Just be grateful...and I am, but...........................

 

 Neighbor and friend Pearl was in the hospital two weeks ago.

I posted a while back that she has been "living" in her recliner.  Having such a hard time walking that she even slept in it.

Two weeks ago, she couldn't manage even to get up on her feet so they took her in.  She was having terrible pain in her legs and they thought she might have a blood clot.  She did not.

Then, they predicted that she had Leukemia.  She was sent home, but in bad shape.

I haven't been in her house to sit down and talk to her since her birthday March 1st.  Then the whole shutdown started.  Some days, I would walk down to her house and peek into her living window.  If she was awake, we'd try and talk and make sign signals and try and read each others lips and laugh.

Home Hospice came in this past Monday, complete with the requisite hospital bed.  Her daughter who has been with Merle and Pearl for the last couple of months, wasn't able to move Pearl around or get her up to get dress, so the taller bed helped.

Her daughter, with the help of the Hospice Aide did manage to get Pearl into her wheel chair and take her out into the sun on Tuesday.  Neighbor Jackie saw them and went over to talk to Pearl.  She said, Pearl only said, "Hi" and  just sat in the chair, looking down at the ground.

Jackie called me this morning at 9:00 to let me know, Pearl died around midnight.  I got dressed and scooted right down there.  

The daughter was there and Merle and her other daughter and the Hospice aide....and Pearl.  I happened to think that she looked just like I had seen her many times.  Asleep, with her mouth open, but....

this time...........................

I went over, bent down and kissed her forehead and tried to hug her.  I had forgotten how cold and gray a person is when they have died.

====================

Her daughter mentioned they were trying to find a good photo of her for the newspaper obituary and that they remembered I had taken some photos of Pearl at her and Merle's 60th wedding anniversary.

So, I scooted home, turned on my computer and into the picture files and found a couple that were okay.  I printed them out and took them back down to their house.  By then a couple of her grandkids had showed up and were visibly upset, so I scooted out of there.

When I got back home, I looked again at the photos and I must have missed looking at all of them them the first time because there was one, in the center of the file that was the best photo of her taken in 2013.  So, I printed that one off and back down to the house---it's only 60 steps away.

I wondered why the funeral home hadn't come to pick Pearl up.  She had been gone 10 hours, but as I walked home, I saw her son and his wife and kids drive up.  

As Pearl is going to be cremated, they must have been waiting for family members to arrive to "see" her one last time?  Too bad they didn't come to visit while she was still alive?  But then--Pearl had alienated her two oldest kids, so..............

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Finally at round 1:00 this afternoon, a black, unmarked SUV showed up and took her away.  Done so swiftly and carefully that none of the neighbors would even know what was going on.

In fact, Dar called me shortly after they left and asked, "Do you know what's going on over at Pearl and Merle's?"  Her house does not face the street so she wouldn't have seen all the cars coming and going.

Their daughter said, "Now we have to worry about what to do with Dad."  Merle has Parkinsons Disease, but he is strong, walks everyday and some days, rides his bike around the park.

I said, "Well, you don't have to worry about that right now.  Wait and see how he does.  Let him feel his way along for awhile.  You'll be here everyday and you can keep track on if he is taking care of himself."

I said that because it was almost like she was ready to ship him to a home tomorrow and I know, as an old person, that I would want to be alone for awhile to get over the shock and used to the idea of being alone and just see how it went.  

Two weeks ago, Merle had requested that his daughter (a cigarette smoker) give him one of her cigarettes.  When she refused, he asked her if she would buy him a pack of Swisher Sweets--little, thin cigars.  He'd smoke two a day, out in his shed.  When she told me, she said, "Are you shocked that I'd do that?"

I answered, "Heck no. Why not?  At 85 years old, let him enjoy the days he has left."

Pearl Elaine Ott

March 1, 1936-September 17, 2020

    

It's been awhile, hasn't it?

I have been working on a genealogy for a client that has taken on a life of its own.  She decided she wanted one done for her son, which is like hers, but with photos of his family added.  Then she decided she wanted one for her daughter, who has a different father, and then the daughter notified me that she also wanted her husband family done too--so that their daughter and grand children would have all their ancestor's in the same book.

My client's book is 162 pages, her son's is 170 pages and her daughter's is 240 pages.

I am starting to print out the books this weekend and of course am having printer problems--because that is just a Murphy's Law kind of thing.

Other than that, my grandson that was supposed to have a big wedding on June 6th, and ended up having a small wedding, on June 6th and their big reception this past weekend.  Most of us that attended the small wedding stayed home from the reception so they could invite more of their friends---because of the social distancing and only a certain number of people at gatherings in our State.

It was waaaaay too far away and too long of a weekend for me to tolerate anyway.  

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Other than that--I spent some time in the ER last week, chest pain and come to find out, it was nerve pain coming from my neck/shoulder blade.  They would give me nothing for the severe pain, telling me that nothing unusual showed up on the heart scans or lung x-rays, so they had no idea what was causing the pain.

I guess if they couldn't "see" the pain, it didn't exist and I was just some old, gray haired junkie trying to score some opiates?

One good thing came out of all of it, I found out my heart is strong and perfect and my lungs are clear and perfect too. The scans also showed my liver, kidneys, pancreas, gall bladder and even spleen are in great shape.

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Other than that--I got my hair cut Friday.  This lady that Karen referred me to, is the best stylist for short hair that I have had in many years.  She is also expensive, or what I view as expensive=$40.00 for a cut and style.  I did her genealogy for her in a barter for my hair cut two months ago.  Friday I had managed to save $40.00 all month.  When we were done, she wouldn't take any money.  I asked if she would accept a Tip and laid a twenty dollar bill on the counter.  She didn't want to accept that, but she has a small salon and has been closed down.  Then she said that from now on my hair cuts would be $20.00.  I am thinking to myself that $25.00 sounds better.  I can get that much out of my budget every month--that's what I used to pay the stylist that couldn't cut short hair decently.

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Other than that--I am finally over the anxiety that going back to the grocery store all masked up, hampered me for the first 2 months back.  Karen had done all my grocery shopping for 3 months and the first time I tried it on my own, the mask got so hot I couldn't breathe, there seemed to be too many people and I got anxious.  Well, I have now conquered that.  That's mainly how I get my exercise.  To the grocery store every week or 10 days and walk clear to the back and then over to the grocery department, up and down the aisles and finally out--about 3,000 steps.  My legs muscles are getting stronger now too--since I am back on schedule.

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Other than that--I have a bunch of doctor's appointments and yearly tests that I canceled in March to attend to this month.  AND, I have another genealogy awaiting me and still another one on the horizon.  I probably will be busy with them right up to Christmas time.

Are we going to get to celebrate Christmas with our families this year?

So I just figured out 2020

and it's pretty obvious what happened.

"Baby Shark" is an ancient

chant that opens a portal to

Hell

==============================

I just had a thought.

Does it matter who gets elected on Nov. 3rd?

If Trump gets elected, the Dems. have the majority in the House of Reps. and they will continue to stymie him.

If Biden gets elected, the Reps. have the majority in the Senate and they will shoot down everything he wants to do.

Each Party will blame the other one. Nothing will change, nothing will get done.

Just the same ol', same ol'.

I don't often have dreams that I remember, but this one was weird.

I was sitting in my recliner, I had the front door open and I heard something. I looked up toward the screen door and there was a lady with a little curly headed boy. He was about a year old and she was bent over, holding his little arms kind of up to steady him as he stood.


I didn't recognize either one of them and then she looked up and smiled at me and then I recognized both of them.
The woman was me and the little boy was my son Mark.

I didn't get up to go to the door and they didn't come inside.
We just looked at each other and smiled.
I wonder what the dream meant.
===========================

I thought the last election was bad, this one is going to flat out put me in the ward.

Trump has that brash, New York bully attitude/personality about him that I just hate.

Biden had/still has a propensity for being a liar and a Plagiarist and he appears to be senile.

I'm afraid in a debate, when Trump gets to beating on Joe, Joe is either going to lose it in a fit of anger, or get so muddled in his thinking, he won't be able to form a complete sentence. That will embarrass him and I actually would hate to see that happen.

Our Country is in pretty bad shape when these two men are the best we have to offer for the highest office in our land.

August?

Already?

I can remember sitting here on New Year's Eve and when the ball dropped, I thought, "What a great year 2020 is going to be!"

Well, Gezz Louise!  Guess I was wrong again.

The life interrupted Covid months.  How many now?  Five!  

I have managed to get out to the store a few times,  only getting a few things, because that mask gets hot and I get anxious.  I makes me go back to the feeling I had when my 2nd husband, tried to smother me with a pillow.  I thought I had rid myself of those memories, but....

I have a new genealogy to work on with another two waiting in the wings.  This is the weirdest thing, but at my nephews wedding, I was telling my daughter Karen that I needed a genealogy to work on to cure my boredom and give me a reason to get up in the morning.  That night, during my prayer time, when I was done, I just happened to say, "And oh yes, God?  Could you send me a genealogy?"

Three days later I was notified by, what is now my newest client.  That's the quickest answer to prayer I've ever received!

===================

I managed to get my grandson Stephen and new wife Carolyn's wedding sampler framed.  They were married June 6th, but their wedding reception is going to be August 30th, unless our governor decides to shut us down again.  I called Karen and asked her if the next time she in near-by, she could stop and pick it up.

Oh my!  Blogger has changed things up.  It took me forever to figure out how to get that photo inserted.

================

So--who can I gossip about?  Merle and Pearl--remember them--my neighbors.  Pearl is into year 3 of sitting in her chair doing nothing.  They have once again retained a physical therapist to come out for home visits, but I know Pearl.  She will only do the least she can get away with and not do any of the home exercises they tell her to do during the week.  She loves just staying chair-bound and having her daughter and Merle run and get whatever she wants.

Their daughter lives here in the Park and she stops by everyday to help them get ready in the morning.  She is going back to work this next week.  So Pearl decided to hire someone to come in every day to help her get dressed and get fed.  She wanted someone for an hour.  The visiting nurses minimum time is 3 hours a day, at $25.00 an hour.  That's $375.00 a week!  So now Pearl is trying to get her daughter to quit her job and take care of her.  She hasn't even wondered what her daughter is going to live on with no money coming in from her job.

Merle escapes to his shed whenever Pearl falls asleep in the chair.  He mentioned to his daughter that he wished he had some "little cigars".  So she got him a couple of packs of Swisher Sweets.  He's a much happier camper now.  LOL

================

Marilyn, my neighbor across the street, a bit to the right...whose husband died last year...has lost so much weight that as she was walking out to get the mail, her jeans fell right off.  She was doing fine before the quarantine, but now is using her cane and sometimes her walker to walk outside.

Jackie, my neighbor directly across the street, has suffered.  Early this spring she was out working in her gardens, as normal.  Now she is using a walker to get around.

It has affected all of us in the same way.  From not going to the store to walk around or getting out, our calf and legs muscles have become weak and our balance is off.  

Dar--you remember Dar?  Her Dad that lives with her just turned 99 and is in excellent health.  He gets around pretty good and still demands that she takes him out for a Dairy Queen every day!  Dar is the kind of person who had to get out every other day or she said, "I will just lose my mind!"  The quarantine just about did her in--mentally.  She walks 5 miles on her treadmill every day, so she's still in pretty good shape.  The other day, she was walking home from visiting Jackie and she saw a guy walking a dog.  So she rushed over to the dog to pet it and it bit her!  So she has been doctoring with that--antibiotics, steroids, etc.  Doesn't she realize?  You don't rush up to a dog that doesn't know you.  I don't even rush up to a dog that DOES know me--I let them come up to me.

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We did get a much needed rain today and more promised for tomorrow.  I woke up to the sound of rain--lovely--except it was coming in through my bedroom window screen all over the window sill.  It is nice though for the temps to be moderate enough to have all the windows and doors open--when it isn't raining in, that is.

Stay safe my friends in Florida and along the East coast.  There is a hurricane name Ass or something like that, that is coming at ya.

XX OO  Jude