Yes--Great Day

Today I am so grateful for a daughter who called me and invited me out to supper.

A strange and weird thing.  Remember me asking if my "visitor" from East Orange, New Jersey would comment and make themselves known to me.  Well--four other blogs I read also have that visitor on their Feedjit--the thingie that tells where your visitors are coming from.

Very strange is that the East Orange, New Jersey "visitor" is on ALL our blogs at the EXACT SAME TIME.  Now--that is impossible.  Curious as I am inclined to always be, I tried to find out why.  I contacted Blogspot, they don't really know because it isn't part of their system.  It is an add-on we have put on our side bar.  Feedjit seems to be slow in responding, but did see a bloggers help section that talked about it and it is some sort of monitoring device.  Not that they read our blogs--they don't.  It just pops in there a couple of times a day.

While this doesn't really concern me, it does tick me off.  I just may disable Feedjit for a while to get rid of it.  My blog, while not completely private, cannot be found by any search engine.  I had a hard time getting it off Bloglovin because they want ALL blogs listed and have them--without you knowing.  Because of the problem I had two years ago, I don't want my kids or some relatives/friends/neighbors to know I have a blog or go searching to see if I have one.

People can still access my blog through blogs I leave comments on and that is wonderful.  My kids would never read those blogs to see my blog title.  I'm not paranoid, I'm just a bit leery and my blog is my journal and a place where I can put all my feelings down, if I want too.  Some of those feelings cannot be shared verbally with family members--they'd think I was seriously daft.  I don't want them to know I am on Welfare and Bankrupt.  I am the eldest, strong one in our family and have to maintain that facade, HAH!
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Strange and Weird--last night around 5:00 a knock at my door.  There stood a man that looked kind of familiar.

"Hi Judy.  Remember me?"

"You look familiar, but I can't remember your name."

"Jeff--Darlene's son."
        <OMG>

"Well Hi...what can I do for you?"

"I have forgotten my Mom's phone number and she isn't home.  She isn't at work, I checked.  Do you have her number."

"I sure do."

I got it and a piece of paper and pen and told him and had him write it down.;

"Thanks.  The house is locked.  I've walked fifteen miles and I want to call and see when she'll be home.  Bye."  and off the porch he walked--very fast.

So, I watched him as he went across and up the street to Dar's.  I could see he was using his phone.

I sat down again and quickly, he's back at my door.

"Do you know someone named Denise?"

"No."

"Well I dialed the number you gave me and a  Denise answered."

"Let me call your Mom."  so I hit my speed dial number for Dar and she answered.

"Hi Judy."

"Hi Dar.  Your son Jeff is here and he is trying to phone you."

"WHAT!!!!!"

"Yes, that's right."

"OH MY GOD.  WHY IS HE THERE?  HE IS IN REHAB!  DID HE LEAVE REHAB."

"He wants to know when you'll be home."

"OH MY GOD.  OH...........I'M PUMPING GAS--AS QUICK AS I CAN!"

"Okay, see ya.  Bye."

"She is on her way."

"Okay--thanks.  I gotta get out of these wet boots."

and out he goes and back to Dar's.

I sat back down in my chair--knock at my door.

"Can I come in and sit down to change my boots."

"Sure."

In he comes and plops on the couch and changes into some sandals.

"Can I use your bathroom to wash my hands."

"You can use the kitchen sink.  I have better soap over there."
<no way I am letting this person out of my sight>

He sat back down, lit up a cigarette and started in.  He reminded me of Dar when she is wound up and hyper, but he is much, much worse.  He talked very fast, fidgeted all the time.  His words and sentences ran together--I could barely make out what he was talking about, but somewhere in there, he said that he walked out of the half-way house because he saw jobs open in Brighton, that he is skilled and can make a lot of money, work near-by and live with his mother and he finally has a diagnosis of his mental condition--bi-polar with hyper-mania.

"Thedocdrewalineandshowedmethatbi-polargoesupanddownoverthatline.  (inhale)
With my--ah-hyper mania,(inhale) Istayabovethatlineallthetimeand (inhale)
when I DO getdepressed (inhale) Ibarelygodownfarenoughtotouchthatline." (inhale and swallow)
  <got it--I think>

Of course 35 years of alcoholism and drug use haven't helped his condition.

Dar FINALLY arrived and came in.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?  WHAT DID YOU DO?"

No, "Hi how are you."  No hug from Mom.  Just that scowl and distance.

"Mom--I walked twenty-five miles to see you." (he told me he had walked fifteen). Can we at least talk. I have so much to tell you."

They finally left and Jeff thanked me profusely.  He really has a nice personality and is always polite.

I was exhausted.  He was here 20 minutes and I felt like I had been held captive where the noise never ends and they are trying to drive you crazy?
==========================
9:30--another knock and it is Dar.  My door is locked, so I unlocked it and...in she busts!  She is only slightly less hyper-manic than her son had been. 

"I'm so sorry he came to you."

"It was okay.  I was glad to help him find you."

"Were you scared of him?"

"No..why--should I have been?  I thought maybe he was drunk, but I wasn't scared of him."

"No.  He's totally sober! "

"Wow--he really is hyper."

"You should see him when he IS drunk or on drugs.  He talks even faster and can't sit still."

"I've seen you when you were kind of like that."

"Oh--I know, but not lately--right?  I can't have him around me or I'd be like that all the time and I'd die from a heart attack or stroke.  He's not living with me--no way.  I don't know where he's going to live, but it's not with me.  I can't even.................."

and on and on she went while I sat and nodded my head and thought, "that poor kid didn't fall too far from the momma tree."

Apparently she took him out to supper and then took him back to a friend's house--the friend an alcoholic, which I did mention probably isn't the best place for Jeff to stay.  I guess today he is going to try and find a half-way house--there are three in Brighton and four in Howell.

I was so whipped after she left, that I went to bed at 10:30!
======================
Karen picked me up this evening and we went out for supper.  We had such a great time.  We talked and discussed and laughed and giggled and on the way in the car hooted so loudly with laughter that she almost missed turning in my driveway!  

It's a Beautiful Day In the Neighborhood---

Today, I am so grateful, not only for the bright sunshine, but for the 52 degree temperature!

=====================================

So nice out that when I went out to get my mail, I walked on up for a visit with Pearl.  No need for a coat. :-)

I just about went nutsy-cuckoo last night with NO Downton Abbey to watch.  There was nothing else on TV.  Too early to go to bed--even if the clocks said 11:00, my head said it was 10:00 and I was not sleepy.  Sleep came this morning when the clock said 8:00, but I felt like 7:00.  This too shall pass, not any too soon for me!!

 Got granddaughter Elise' slippers done.

She is almost 11 and wears a size 9 shoe--YIKES

Then I realized that I would forget, next Christmas

which pair belongs to who, so........

"Mom, it's time for supper." 

I spent quite a bit of time yesterday, working on the family history story I am trying to write. I have the "lists" like this:

William Henry Bush

Born:  April 9, 1838

Holly Michigan

Died.  November 14, 1908

Holly, Michigan

on and on.....................I have all that nicely printed and set up in my big genealogy books, with their date of marriage, their wife's info, their kids.

What I am trying to get, is that information written in story form.  I want the newspaper clippings, obituaries, armed services records--where they served and as much as I can about that person.  I have pictures, but I have more text than pictures.

Let me tell you--back in the day, they sure knew how to write an obituary!!  Like these a couple of greats back--

"At a full age, like a shock of corn in its season, Peter Walts, another of Shiawassee County's aged pioneers, passed to his reward at his home in Burns Township, on Saturday morning, May 13, after a severe and painful sickness of over nine months, bearing every trial patiently to the end."

==================

"Mr. Relyea entertained a great antipathy to secret societies. It is related to him that when casting his vote at an election, he would always make it a point to ascertain whom of the candidates belonged to secret organizations. He was a man of great force of character and integrity of manhood."

He's the man who at age 92, laid up with illness, hired a horse drawn wagon to come and get him to go to the polls to vote.  They put a straw pallet in the back for him to lay down on, and carried him into the polling place so he could cast his ballot for Republican Benjamin Harrison, who was defeated by Grover Cleveland.   

Interesting facts like that, I want in my book, so my kids can read and see if they have the same traits as their ancestors.  I can see that my father did.  I also found mushy love letters from my father to my mother before they were married. No one that knew my Daddy in his later years would think he ever had or especially ever expressed his feelings like that.  WOW!!

I've heard the stories, seen the clippings on each individuals page in my big genealogy books, but to be putting them down in story form, is so much fun.  

It's interesting that six generations back on my mother's side, were two brothers from Scotland who ran a slave ship.  When Britian confiscated their ship, one went to Virginia and was one of the largest landowners and slave holders and the other brother (thank Heaven my direct ancestor) became a Methodist minister.  We have had a Methodist minister on that branch, until my kids level.  My cousin was the last minister in our family.

No horse thieves, nor murders in the family--I would think a slaver will shock my kids enough.  Only two divorces, until my generation.  Not a one of my ancestor's died from cancer--kind of reassuring.  Most of them lived long lives and died of heart disease or stroke.

It is an interesting and fascinating "vocation" I am involved in right now.  Gathering all the information and photos I have in several different places and putting them all into one story book.

I even have my title--"From There to Here."  The legacy of our family.

DST

I would just like to clear up some myths about Daylight Savings Time.

I hate it!  I will be discombobulated for--10 days if I'm lucky, but probably two weeks.

I wake up when the sun reaches a certain angle and comes into my bedroom window--my bedroom is on the east side of the house.

Now when DST begins, the sun comes into my bedroom window, but an hour later.  If I set my alarm to get up at eight, clock-time, the sun is not at the same angle as it was yesterday, and I don't feel ready to get out of bed.  I think I have told you that I am very life/mood oriented to outside conditions.

Now--as for the MYTH that DST was brought about by farmers--THIS IS A DOWN-RIGHT LIE.  It was strongly advocated by the UAW and factory workers.  Especially daytime workers who wanted more light AFTER they got out of work.  Might I add that golf courses LOVE DST!

I can remember when the state of Michigan voted on whether to enact DST or not.  It was resoundingly voted down.  However, six months later, it was enacted by our legislature.  Most of us were quite angry about that.

Farmer's--especially dairy farmers, of which there were a lot in our State back then, hated DST.  Cows need to be milked every 12 hours.  If they aren't milked on this schedule, their "bags" can get too full of milk and it can lead to mastitis--a disease of the teats.

My father, and all other dairy farmers, had to start a couple weeks before the time change, and start milking their herd 15 minutes earlier each day, to get the cows used to the time change and once again get on a 12 hour schedule.  Trust me, you do not want to milk cows 11 hours apart, or 13 hours apart.

To be perfectly blunt--this was one huge pain in the ASS!

As for having an extra hour of daylight in the evening so the farmer could work longer in their fields, nonsense!  Farmers have been known to work until 11:00 at night in the field, that's why tractor's and combines have headlights!

So--quit blaming the farmer for this idiotic law.  Either keep the time at DST year round, or Standard Time year round.

By the way, did you know that the first Monday after the time change, especially the spring time change, there is a higher percentage of heart attacks, car accidents and murder than any other day in the year?

I Think I Lost A Day---

Today I am grateful for another day of sun,

 warmer temperatures in the mid 20's 

and my computer and Internet connection.

==============================

I spent every day in October and a few in November on Ancestry.com.  I already had extensive information on my family's genealogy, but I wanted to go in and search and see if I could find out more--for once and all.  I did.  A few more generations back.I had paid for a month's subscription, so I had to be diligent and find everything I could in that time frame.

In January, one day I was pondering ( I do that a lot, you've noticed) on how, instead of pages of birth dates, and marriage dates and death dates, I wanted to write my family history in story form.  Tell the stories I had heard or read of family members.  I could do that and get it printed out for my kids and sister.

How to do that?  Well, Wednesday I decided to use Book Blurb.  I chose a large book format with a spiral closure. Then, I downloaded their template for that size book and yesterday afternoon, I dragged out my father's family genealogy 5" ring binder and started in.

I put it off my left elbow on a TV tray so I could leaf through it.  By six last night, I realized that I was hooked and obsessed with this project.

I got up at 9:00 this morning, threw the ingredients for chili into the Crock Pot, came in here and started in.  My stomach growled and I noticed it was 12:30.  I took a break, ate lunch, watched my soap and back in here at 2:00--stopping at 7:30 to watch Jeopardy.

Obsessed is right.  Losing all track of time.  Away from the world.  This is the first time in a very long time that I have been in the mood to write anything.  I have nearly finished my "How To" book, but have lost interest in it with this project.  AND I am having a ball!!

Searching for pictures stored on my computer.  Finding and scanning pictures from the 5" ring binder.  Editing photos in PicMonkey.  Writing the stories of these people, the memories I have of them, putting the correct photos on the correct pages.

It took me a while to figure out how to use the templates, but I think I've got it now.  

I so love the spirit of my pioneering ancestors!  My own Grandma, my Daddy's mother, wanted to learn how to drive a car.  The menfolk in the family didn't think that was necessary, so every day for a month, when they went off in the fields to work, she'd back their Ford Touring car out of the garage and drive up and down the driveway.  She was a strong and determined woman, having gone to college in 1910 and earning her teaching certificate.  All of her strength and determination, was a good thing as she was widowed at age 48 and continued to run the farm and their business for another 20 years--all by herself!!

When I get to the part where my Mother comes into the family, I will get out my other 4" ring binder and do her ancestor's history.

I am now on page 35 of this epic book.  How I will ever be able to afford to get it printed is beyond me, but that is not something I am worrying about now!!

============

Look at this.  Marie Callender little Coconut Cream pie.  Two in a box--frozen.  Zap for 15 seconds and enjoy.  Boy--it was delish!!

A Good day

Today, I am so grateful my life.

====================

I started getting ready for bed last night, but instead, feeling a bit uneasy, I just turned off all the lights and sat in my recliner and thought.  

Sometime in the next two hours it occurred to me that I needed to forgive my cousin.

I know how this works.  I forgave my Daddy, and know I only remember my childhood as a good one.

I forgave my step-mother, which I thought would be the hardest thing in the world to do, but I did and rarely think of her abuse.

I even have forgiven my second ex, who abused me physically and emotionally every week and even tried to kill me twice in the three years I was with him.  I rarely ever think about him and it's like those three years didn't even exist in my life.

They say that holding a grudge against someone doesn't hurt them, it only keeps poisoning you.  I have found that to be true.

So today, I drove up to church for my Daddy's cousins funeral and when I saw my other cousin walk in--the one I have been avoiding for the last two years, I walked up to her with a smile on my face, gave her a big hug and asked if I could sit with her during the funeral.

We had a wonderful catch-up chat before and after the funeral and held hands through part of the funeral.

The funeral was lovely, by the way.  Our minister knew the cousin very well and told delightful stories about him.  At the end, there was a small military service.  It was very touching and when they played taps, I got a few tears.  This woman who never cries--especially not at funerals.

I think my woman cousin may have had an inkling about things that have happened as, she asked me about Mark and Pam and Karen and all Karen's kids, but oddly, she never mentioned Jennifer or Jennifer's children.  Oddly I say because her girls and Jennifer are the same age and used to play together all the time and my cousin "usually" asks about Jen first.

We parted with hugs, not knowing if we will ever see each other again, and I wished her a Happy Birthday.  Her Birthday is March 18th.  I did not send her a birthday or Christmas card last year.

You know, it is really dumb of me.  I can't tell you how many people I have counseled on forgiveness.  My all time favorite example is the part of the Lord's Prayer, where it says, "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive our trespassers."  To me the "as we" means, in like manner.

God will forgive us the same way we forgive others. God will judge us in the same way we judge others.

Heavy stuff.  God doesn't hold a grudge and it is not right for me to either.

===============

In the course of the last three years, quite a few friends have asked me why I always seem so happy.  Well--I don't know...I just am.  I am truly happy with life.  Content, peaceful and just happy.  I smile all the time, even when I am in the house all alone.  I get the biggest joys out of some of the simplest things.

Being born into a Christian home isn't always easy.  You hear of people having conversions--massive emotional events that change their whole lives.  The Born Again thing.  I never had that.  God and Jesus were a daily part of my life.  

When I was small, I thought they were relatives of ours!!  When I was about three, we had a family reunion.  Mother told me that my grandparents, aunts and uncles and all my cousins were coming and we were going to have a big table with food outside, under the big maple tree.

When everyone had arrived and we were ready to sit down to eat, my grandfather said a prayer.  I kept looking around and finally I leaned over and asked my Mother, "Where is Jesus.  We should wait until Jesus gets here to say the prayer."  I think she thought I was not making much sense, small person that I was.

God and Jesus have always been in my life and it was no big deal.  I talked to them while I was playing or, riding my bike on a nice day, I'd say, "Thank you Jesus for the sunshine."  No, I couldn't see them, but I knew they could hear me.

I have never in my entire life blamed God for anything bad that has happened, but I always thank Him for good stuff.  Even when my Mother died so young, I never thought that God had taken her. 

When Fred died, friends and neighbor's could not understand why I was so "happy".  I just felt so grateful to God for bringing Fred and I together, that there never was a thought that God had taken him away from me.  

You just can't blame God when someone dies in an accident, or is taken for some unknown reason.  Fred brought on his own ill health by drinking a lot when he was younger and smoking for well over 50 years.  I don't know why my mother died from some unknown cause, there must have been a reason.  When one of my best friends was killed in a car accident, it wasn't God's fault.  My friend was being reckless and went through a stop sign.  I believed all this, all my life.

I also don't believe that EVERYTHING is in God's plan.  I just can't believe that whole pre-determination thingie.  God has a good plan for us, BUT so much of the route we take in life is by our own choices and free will.  By our own decisions and choices, we can mess His plan  up, big time!

He gave us that free will.  If tomorrow, I drive out of here and don't stop and look before I go out onto the busy road that runs in front of this park and get myself killed--that was my free will, not God's.  I suppose He could stop the accident from killing me, but sometimes...God just let's free will prevail.

Anyway--I didn't really have my "come to Jesus" moment until about seven years ago.  It wasn't a big event.  No one was jumping up, raising their hands in the air and yelling, "Thank you, Jesus!", as I crawled and wept rolling down the aisle.

I was sitting outside, on the front porch, in the dark on a warm summer night, thinking about my Daddy who had died two weeks earlier.  I was crying because he had never said he loved me.  Never really acted like it.  Then a thought came into my mind.  I realized, my Daddy was probably severely strict because he thought it was the right way to raise a daughter.  A "good girl."

He had no siblings.  He had no knowledge of how his mother would have raised brothers or sisters.  I was not born with a "How To" manual.

I just said, "God, please forgive my Daddy and clear my heart and mind of any bad thoughts I have of him."

I woke up the next morning feeling happy and "lighter" than I had in decades.  Since then, I have forgiven every person I thought had wronged me in any way.

I actually "get it" now and it HAS made my life so much better and my emotional state so much more peaceful.  It's quite amazing, actually.

You don't even have to tell the other person that you forgive them--they probably wouldn't know what you were talking about.  They wouldn't remember or may not even know that you felt they had wronged you.

You just forgive them in your own mind.

======================

Sorry for the sermon.  I certainly am not telling you how to live your life.  I've heard a lot of people say, "Well I can forgive, but I will never forget."  Well--no--that isn't how it works.  I have found, at least for me, if I truly forgive them, I do forget. :-)

What in this world are you ever going to benefit if you hold onto grudges?  When you die, if you believe you will go to Heaven and be judged, God isn't going to ask you to testify to how your neighbor, or husband, or cousin lived their life.  He is only going to ask you how you lived yours.  

If He looks at the chapter in His book entitled, "Judith" and He sees in there, "On April 12, 2013, Judith got angry at her cousin and still hasn't forgiven her," He is going to bring that whole thing up and say to me, "Well, I got upset with you on the sin you committed on April 17, 1957 and, although you've asked forgiveness, you hold grudges and I am going to judge you in the same way.  I can't forgive you for that.  So...I guess you can't come in."

====================

I had a really good day today and I'll just bet I sleep a whole lot better tonight.  Eh?  

Mid-Week

Today, I am so grateful that I was able to get out to get groceries.

I am also grateful that what I figured my groceries would cost, came in at $20.00 less.

===========================

Do you see any chicken in there?  No!  Chicken nowadays has too many growth hormones and liquid injected in them to make the breast plumper and larger.

Do you see any pork in there?  No!  I do not like pork--except for that box on the bottom of Jimmy Dean already cooked microwaveable sausage links.

Do you see pie and ice cream?  Yes.  Yes!  And a big bag of Cherry-Berry frozen fruit.

I also got a pound of ground beef to make more chili.  I think I'm good for a few weeks.

=====================

Daughter Karen and her hubs Mark picked me up at 6:30 and up to the funeral home we went for visitation for my Daddy's cousin--my 1st cousin once removed--or second cousin as I called him.

Youngest daughter, Jennifer had been there early and gone.  She had Bible study tonight.  Bible study?  I hope they were studying about forgiveness or honor they mother, or something like that.

Oldest daughter Pammie was there waiting for us to arrive as she had something to give to Karen.  My sister Susan and her hubs Chuck were also there.

As was my other cousin that I tried to avoid.

I talked with my cousins son and some of my other cousins--3rd cousins they.

The visitation WAS in the same room where Fred's funeral was held, but...it's been three years and it didn't feel bad to me.  Plus my cousin in his casket didn't look at all like Fred, so....I was good.

I sort of danced around the room, but when I sat down to take the pain off my back, the cousin I was avoiding came over to give me a hug.  I didn't even get up out of my chair.  I am so not nice!!

I think the reason it hurts so much is that of all my cousins, she is the only one my age.  All my Daddy's cousins were much older than me, but her mother was 42 when she was born and we are only 18 months apart.  She was out to visit my Grandma with her mother ( grandma's sister) and we spent a lot of time on the farm together or I'd get to go into the Big City and spend a week with her.

She read something on my blog--I was not even aware she knew I had a blog--and took it upon herself to call my step-brother-in-law to tell him to check it out.  He in turn told my daughter Jennifer--who was also unaware I had a blog-- to check it out and what I had written was something mean about my step-monster who had died.  It embarrassed Jennifer in front of the step-family, which in turn caused the rift between her and I.

I so want to call this cousin out, but I just can't.  I am not a confrontational person and do not like discord.  She would probably just make it worse by contacting Jennifer and try to patch things up and...that would just make Jennifer madder at me.  

So-----------------------

The funeral is tomorrow at my church.  None of my kids will be there as they all work.  My sister is on the 3rd day of a migraine type headache, so they may not be there either.  I will go and represent my Daddy's side of the family, and everything will be just fine.

You Guys!!

On this 14th day of Lent, 

I am so grateful that I don't have to go outside!  

We are having snow, snow mixed with rain, freezing rain, icy mixed with rain and then, just plain rain.  

Weird weather day here in the great Mitten State.

==============================

Judi, with an "i", can you tell me where you live?  Are you my visitor from New Jersey?
I have a regular visitor from New Jersey and since my youngest and her family are probably going to move there this summer, I'd like to know who that reader is.  Okay?  (My nickname is Curious George).
=============================

Well, I didn't expect so many comments yesterday.  I wasn't fishing for comments.  It wasn't a "mandatory comment day".  I wasn't being a --what is that term I've heard--"Comment Whore"?  But, I am so glad to see so many.  I made a list about a year ago, I asked you to comment your name and where you were from.  I actually made a list in Excel and if I see an area and don't remember who lives there, I check my list.  I know--I am obsessive about things weird.  So--even if you don't comment, I know who's been by to see what nonsense I posted.  That makes me smile too.

I woke up kind of late this morning--primarily because I had a fitful night, for some unknown reason, and didn't get to sleep until nearly 4:00am.  I struggled to get out of bed at 9:30 am--Buddy was nudging my face with his cold, damp nose and Maggie was nibbling on my hand.  Once I open, even one eye, Buddy sees me and jumps off the bed and he and Maggie start their meowing and crying and if they could humanize their sounds it would be something like, "Mom, get up.  We are starving.  You sleep too late!  Get up!  Get up!" and when I swing my feet out of bed, they start their dance around my ankles as we all move toward the kitchen.  I don't even have time to go potty, until they are fed.

When I do get out of the bathroom, they run ahead of me into the bedroom--they know my routine so well.  This morning I turned left out of the bathroom and headed into the computer room.  Completely threw them off and they followed me, meowing all the way.

I looked out the front windows and saw Dar, walking up my driveway.  I ran to the front door to unlock it and let her in.  For the next hour, she regaled me with--I don't quite remember what, but I know there was talk about Jesus sitting in the chair by her bed and how she woke in the night and was scared and he "talked" her down.  

Every day, I am so grateful for Jesus, but especially on days that He talks Dar down before she decides to come over here.
====================

I have been a bit down the last couple of weeks.  A lot of that is sadness over my blogging friend, Balisha.  Hard for me to accept that she is dying.  She is such a wonderful gardener and had made plans for what she was going to plant this spring.  How can her flowers still come up and bloom without her there to take care of them, post photos of them and post about them?  It is not fair!!

I remember being so angry the month after my Mother died and the 500 Tulips and Daffodils she had planted the fall before, all came up and looked beautiful.  I wanted to take a weed whip and go out and cut every one of them down.  How dare they come to life when my young Mother was dead?  So angry at those dang flowers.
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Well--maybe I will feel better tomorrow after I get out and socialize.  My Daddy's first cousin and best friend passed away last week at his winter home in Florida. He was 94.  His visitation is tomorrow night at the same funeral home where Fred was (I will try and not think about that--hope it's not in the same room) and his funeral is on Friday at our Church.

The first time I've gone to Church since June 1st.  So--I will get to see our Minister, and the ladies who will put on the funeral meal.  Also get to see relatives, that I want to see--the cousin that betrayed me, I will try and stay away from.  Perhaps, tomorrow night I will also get to see Jen and the kids.  I wasn't going up to the visitation, but Karen called and wanted me to ride up with them.

Then my curiosity overtook me, thinking that the kids won't be at the funeral on a work-day, so I will go. I will take any chance to see Jen and the kids.

Is that awful of me to be happy for this chance?  I mean it's a funeral after all.  I should be sad.  Can't quite be that way.  Cousin Billy had a great life.  He was the most non-judgmental person I ever met.  A nice Christian Methodist man.  He was 94--it will be a celebration rather than a sad occasion.

I still might be an awful person though--to attend the visitation ONLY to have the chance to see my littlest grand kinders.