January 15th

Three years ago today--it was a Saturday.
Fred was going to celebrate his 70th birthday.
We looked over a couple of places and chose one in Brighton, to have his birthday party.

I made the invitations and decided to mail them out on January 2nd--a Monday.

His family from Florida was going to make the trip. His Michigan kids and all my family too.

I had checked with everyone to see if they could make it and had mailed out "Save the Date" cards in mid-November.

The room we rented at the restaurant had a fireplace.  White linens on the tables, a really nice place.

What no one knew was, they were in for a surprise.

Fred had asked his minister friend in Ann Arbor if he could also attend the party.  We were going to be married.  All our family members would be in one place at one time--perfect.

So I wouldn't forget, I put the invitations in the mail box early New Year's morning.  Shortly after I came back into the house, the phone rang.  It was Fred asking if I could come down to the hospital as soon as possible.  There were things he wanted me to bring from home.  

He wanted his own Bi-Pap machine that he used every night, because he couldn't sleep with the hospital one.  He wanted his cough drops, a new razor blade, his slippers and his sweater.  He said he thought he might be coming home on the third.

Well, you know what happened 90 minutes later on that New Year's day--2012.

When I got home that afternoon, I remembered to pull the invitations out of the mail box and as I walked into my home, I threw them in the garbage pail.  

The next day, before I went to the funeral home to make the arrangements, I called the restaurant and canceled the room for the party.

Oh, what might have been.

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.  I will see you in a little while.


He played softball 3 nights a week

Shortly after he moved in.

May 21, 2005            

His two daughters who live in Florida, their hubs and his three grandchildren

His two Michigan kids                                                                                 

His Michigan daughter and his grandson                  

June 21, 2005
Our engagement photo
Yes, we had a ballgame and afterwards, left for Wisconsin to visit his Mother.

His 15 year old Black Water Spaniel, Tootz.

 Christmas, 2011--a week before he died

One day, we will be near each other again--forever.

A Quiet Day

Today's high temperature: 14 degrees and bright sunshine.

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Thank you for your reassurance that I'm not going "dottie" or whatever they call it in Great Britian.  By the way, after watching PBS and hours of the biography of King George V and Queen Mary, and an hour of "As Time Goes By", and then one hour of Downton Abbey, I found myself talking quite British all day Monday, HAH.

Dar told me that The Dowager reminds her of me--that we are very much alike.

I told Dar there is only one difference ( other than money, power and style).  When this lady speaks, her family listens to what she has to say.  When I speak my great wisdom, my family just snickers.
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I am probably a cad, but instead of me calling the bank for Pearl, I told her how to do it.

I gave her the number of their technical customer service, I told her to get her last checking account statement because they would want her account number, I told her to have her debit card, just in case and I told her what to say.

I have heard nothing back.  I am just too tired to go through all of it.  Perhaps if she has to get the problem fixed, she will be more careful to put in the correct ID and password?  She needs to learn to stand on her own about these things...she will probably have her daughter do it all for her, LOL.

I suppose I will have to do the ASK removal, but...not today or tomorrow.

Just Strange

22 degrees and beautiful sunshine today

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I have been feeling so strange lately.  

When I wake up in the morning, I have this really funny feeling that something bad is just about to happen.  This morning I woke up and felt like I was forgetting something real important.

I can't put my finger on any of it, but I sort of stumble around all morning long, wondering what I am supposed to remember, or what I am supposed to be doing, or what terrible thing is going to happen.

Weird, uneasy feelings.  Like I'm in limbo--hard to explain.  I wonder if I am starting senility?

A scary thing happened Sunday.  Someone had tried to access my e-mail account, and I couldn't get any e-mails off the main server.  Every time I put in my login ID, it was fine, but my password was no longer working.  So I contacted Comcast, via live chat, to resolve the problem and reset my password.  We got it all straightened out in a few moments and they gave me a new password to use to get into my account so I could reset my password to a new one.

I use the same password for everything, but I think I do need to change some of my passwords on Face Book, e-mail account, bank account, etc.  So, I was going to use Fred's initials.

For the life of me, I could not remember his middle name!  I sat for a half hour, trying to remember his middle name.  Why couldn't I remember his middle name!!?

I refused to look it up, because I HAD to remember it on my own.  I stared out the window and wondered what was wrong with me.  I know his middle name as well as I know my own!  I know his birth date, the date of our first date, the day he moved in with me, the day we were engaged, the date we left to go to the Outer Banks, the date of his heart attack and his heart surgery. Was he named after his father?  No.  I remembered his father's name and his mother's name, where each one was born and where Fred was born.but do you think I could remember his middle name?

NOT A CLUE!!  It was very frustrating and scary.  What is wrong with my brain?

Then I remembered something his mother said ONE TIME.  She had a high school sweetheart and she gave his name to Fred as his middle name = Leroy.  Frederick Leroy Zuehlke.

What a weird way to go through that process to come up with his middle name when I should have known it right from the start.

So these thoughts have been going on in my head.  Perhaps I have too much time to just spend alone and sit and think.  Perhaps I should get out and go to the Senior Center--engage my brain in some lively Bingo or Euchre?  (Both of which I hate to play).  Maybe I should date, just to have human contact and conversion?  (ARGGH!)  Maybe I should be more spontaneous and spur-of-the-moment? (Which would be a real stretch, as I've never been like that in my entire life!  Spontaneous to me, is having someone ask me at 9:00 in the morning, if I'd like to go out to supper that evening.)

Strange feelings and I have no idea why--I just feel like my "bulb" is getting dim!

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I went up to Pearl's this afternoon to try and figure out how to get her back into her bank on-line.  I opened up her computer and the ASK search page came up..  Two months ago I finally figure out how to get that off her computer and kill it and now...it's right back there.

Interesting conversation:

"How did that get back on there?" she asked.

"You must have downloaded something and it got installed again."

"I DID NOT!  All I do is play games on Face Book and go into my bank.  That's all I do."

"Well, I don't know how it got installed again, but it did."

"I hate computers!  They never work like you want them too.  They won't let me go into my bank and now this--that damn computer just installed this thing and I don't like it!"

"You can't get into your bank account because you entered the wrong ID and password so many times that the bank's computer system thought you were a hacker, so they shut down your on-line ability."

"Well why didn't they tell me that?  I would just type that I'm no hacker, it is MY account and I want in. "

"That's exactly what a hacker would say."

"Well then  how did the ASK page suddenly become my search engine?"

"You installed it someway.  You either downloaded a game or something and along came the ASK toolbar and search engine."

"I did not!  I tell you...I DID NOT!"

Merle said, "Okay girls...no fighting."

"Well I didn't!" she said.

"Tell me what you did last night on the computer, because when I was down yesterday afternoon, ASK was not your search engine, Google Chrome was."

"I came in during the ballgame to play on Face Book.  There was an ad of some sort that popped up on the screen and I clicked it and it wouldn't go away, so I kept clicking on it.  One thing after another came up and finally...it left."

"Okay--you installed the ASK toolbar and search engine when you did all that clicking."

"What was I supposed to do to get it to go away?"

"You click on the "X" on the top right hand corner of that page or on the right upper corner of the ad.  That's how you get it to go away."

"I heard on TV that your computer knows you better than your spouse or your best friend.  Every time I start that computer up, it sees me and knows it's me and it does all sorts of bad stuff."

"Pearl, calm down."

"I am calm, but I'm just telling you what happens!"

"Okay, listen to me.  The computer cannot see you.  It wouldn't know if it was you sitting in front of it or if it was me or the cat.  The computer is a machine...just like your toaster, it will only do what you tell it to do.  By going all nervous and clicking on that ad, and then clicking and clicking, you installed whatever that ad and the junk that came along with it.  My putting in the wrong ID and password on your bank page...the first time it told you that you had entered the wrong ID, you should have stopped and slowly re-entered the correct ID.  Instead you kept trying to put in a new ID.  If you put two slices of bread in your toaster and set it to the highest number of toasting time, you'd get burned toast.  If you keep punching the wrong button on your keyboard, you are going to get burned also."

"Yeah--I know all that, you told me that before, but...I don't believe you.  That computer has a brain and it knows when I start it up and it....messes with me."

"Tomorrow we will call customer service at the bank and have them reset everything so you can get into your account."

============================

I am almost done with this book.  I really have enjoyed it.  If you read and enjoyed "The Shack", you would like this book too.

Hibernation Over

I had to go to the store today--out of milk and Diet Pepsi--a crisis!!

We got about three inches of snow last night, than the plow went through and filled in the end of my driveway with a couple of more inches and I was wondering how I was going to get out.

I was in the back of the house, doing laundry and didn't hear a thing, until I came up to the front and heard a snow blower.  I looked out and someone had cleaned out my driveway.  I looked around and there he was.  The neighbor John.  

Apparently he was having fun with his new toy.  He lives around the corner and he did the neighbor to the west of me, then mine, then Jackies, Dar's, crossed the road and did Merle's and then Tami's and off he went, back home.

Off I went to Wal-Mart, got my Diet Pepsi, Milk, cookies, and some cleaning supplies.  Not too much.  Then I stopped at Merle and Pearl's on the way home and tried to help Pearl figure out what she's done to her on-line banking.

She has four, almost alike, login ID's and two, almost alike, passwords.  She has put so many different things in there, that the bank won't allow her to login anymore.  I couldn't even get in to change her ID or password.  She totally has it FUBAR (ed).  Going back tomorrow, with my glasses and try again or maybe, just call the bank and start over?

Merle said, "Maybe you oughta buy a new, clean computer and start over again."

I don't think I've ever known anyone who can mess up a computer like she does.  She ONLY has Internet connection so she can access Face Book, play games and check on her bank balance.  She doesn't even have e-mail, but she gets it so messed up that half the time, she has to go through hoops just to open Face Book.

I got home and there was another car parked in half my driveway.  I had a heck of a time backing into the drive and getting closer to the steps so I didn't have too far to  haul in the groceries.  Tami called to tell me that it was "my Dad's car", at least I knew who.

Then Dar called and loudly proclaimed, "We are going to the Cinema.  I'm buying. Get your coat on."

"Dar, you tried this on me ten days ago.  Remember what I said then?"

"No.  I don't remember you saying anything."

"I told you that I can't go to movies anymore because they have the sound up too loud and the fast moving images on the screen give me a headache and make me dizzy and nauseous."

"Oh--I kind of do remember you saying that.  This movie shouldn't be too bad though."

"What are you going to see?"

"The movie about the guy that was in the Olympics and World War Two and was captured.  You know, that old guy that just died."

"Oh...a war movie.  No that shouldn't be too loud or have fast moving images!"

"Oh.  You might be right.  I just hate for you to miss it."

"I'll watch it On Demand when Comcast gets it."

"Okay."

"Thanks anyway.  Bye."

=============================

I watched the College Football Championship game tonight.  Great game.  All year long, the commentators talk about the inept play of the Big Ten Conference.  Well, the season might just shut them up.  Our Big Ten teams, all underdogs, beat the SEC teams and the Pack 12 Teams in the Bowl games and, although Oregon Ducks were favored, and Ohio State has gone through three quarterbacks this season, Ohio State whomped the Ducks!!

That was my day--back out into the germy world, with weird people and perplexing neighbors.

Nine Days In

Today's high temperature was: 12 degrees

Snowy all day, but sun shining

===========================

I cannot believe we are already nine days into this new year.  I would think that hibernation would make the days feel longer, but not so.  I am so busy!

I got up about 9:15 and looked out at a new covering of about 2 inches of snow.  At 9:45, two guys arrived at the door and wondered if I wanted my driveway and car cleaned off--for 10 bucks.  Sure.  It took them exactly 6 minutes, so at 5 dollars a piece, they made almost one dollar a minute, LOL.

I messed around on Face Book, playing my usual games and then read my e-mails, checked out a couple of blogs.  Then at 11:00, I got dressed and went out to start my car.  At 11:15, I got in the car, drove up and down a few streets in the park and then came home and parked it on the opposite side of the driveway.

I made my bed, emptied the dishwasher and vacuumed.

That done, I had a sandwich for lunch, watched my Soap and cross stitched.

Then I called the company who supplies my natural gas.  My monthly budget payment is $50.00.  Last year it cost me $51.00 a month for my gas usage, but on this month's bill was a "wanted" payment of $70.00.  I asked why, when I am only suppose to pay $50.00

Explanation, so many budget plan people had to pay more last spring in their redetermination month of May.  They were mad.  So, the gas company decided to up every one's bill, by projecting how much overage of gas we would use.

I explained that this winter is not as cold or fierce as last year and...since I got my new furnace last February, I have continually used less gas.  This month I used 5 units ( or whatever they are called) less than last year at this time.

The lady in customer service agreed with me and put me on a new budget plan for low income seniors called, "Shut-Off Protection Plan".  I now pay $45.00 for the next 18 months--guaranteed.  Plus, the company owes me a credit of $61.99 so I don't have to pay anything this month--which I noted to the nice lady PROVES that I am using less gas then they projected I would last May.

AHA!!

I will however, continue to pay $50.00 a month, because that is what I have built into my budget.  There may come a month when I need to use that credit.

So now, my gas and electricity for a month is $90.00 and that my Dear Friends, is not a bad price to pay.
=========================
Being old is a full time job.  If you don't check every item on every bill you get, "they" can slip things by you.  I expect my cable bill to go up next month and will be calling them.  If you call and complain about the price hike and explain  you can't afford it, they usually will set you up with a new promotion or discount as the same price or, even lower.  

I made a couple of loaves of a new bread recipe I saw on Face Book.  Real simple and quite a dense bread and I liked it.  I halved the recipe because I know that in a few days, the bread will dry out and I no longer will want it.  Although, the birds will love what is left--stale or not.

Then I spent most of the afternoon reading up on my new health insurance program.  Checking to make sure all my docs and dentist are in the plan and finding out how much insurance will pay toward vision and dental work.  Looks great!  Free dental cleaning and x-rays and 50% off the crown I need.  

Free eye exam and $200.00 toward new glasses.   My deductible is only $325.00 a year, which is a tiny bit more than on the insurance I used to have, BUT my plan payment is only $19.90, with the dental and vision and I used to pay $40.42, without that.  I will keep track of all out of pocket expenses and at years end will see how I came out.

I am starting to get a bit bored with my own company, so I think tomorrow morning, I will walk up to Merle and Pearl's and have a chat.  She called to tell me our doctor put her on a NEW arthritis med that she just knows is going to cure her.  I researched it a bit and it is the same drug she took before only a different name.  I won't tell her though as I know, if the mind thinks the drug is helping, than the drug will help.  LOL

Basketball and football games this weekend and I'm sure some more good Classic Movies and cross stitching and perhaps some crocheting.  I may have to make a run for milk and Diet Pepsi, but other than that--I should be good to go--perhaps even until February!!

Hibernation Comes To A n End

Today's high temperature was:  4 degrees

Snowy

=================================

I woke up at 4:00 a.m. this morning and was up for an hour.  I don't know what woke me up, but there I sat.  In the dark living room, trying to convince myself that it was all right to go back to sleep.

I heard my door bell ring, glanced at the clock and it was 9:00 a.m.  Stumbled out to the door and there stood Merle--wanting to haul my garbage can out to the street.  I glanced at the thermometer and it read 1 degree.  That means the wind chill was about -30 degrees.  MINUS--that means 30 degrees below zero.  ZERO, not freezing...30 BELOW ZERO!

I fed the cats and got my warm cocoa and toddled into my computer room to play some games and check e-mails and Face Book.  I decided I should get dressed, so I jumped into the shower and then got my sweatshirt and jeans on.  11:30.

I heard the mail lady come by and the garbage pick-up at around 1:30 and not a bit concerned about going out to get either.  Pretty soon, Merle is ringing the bell again with my mail and my empty can.

"What in the heck are you doing out in this terrible cold?"

"Well--just taking care of my ladies.  Here's your mail and your garbage can."

"Thanks, Merle.  Now, will you just go home, stay inside, watch TV and stay warm!?"

"Yup."

One of the reasons I have liked that I didn't have to go out, was the fact that there is so much influenza and the Norovirus going around this area.  I do not want to be in with a lot of germy people!

At 2:30 the door bell rang again and in busted Dar.  

"I just had to come over.  I'm about going nuts in that house!"

"I thought you worked yesterday."

"I did, but I have today off.  I went to see Miss Amy this morning, got back around 10:00, had some lunch and read a bit and now....I'm here!"

"You've been home four hours and you are going nuts being alone in your house?"

"Yeah.  You know me, I can't stand it!  Plus I've had the worse last four days ever.  I have to tell you about it."

And then she started in.  She has four children--three of them are alcoholics and/or drug abusers.  None of the four communicate with her anymore.  The one oldest daughter that did, hasn't spoken to her in ten months.  

Let's see if I can remember--her youngest son has Hepatitis C and his liver is really bad.  His wife has breast cancer, now in remission and they won't speak to Dar because last summer at a family gathering, Dar made the statement that SHE wouldn't take care of their two kids (her grandchildren) if their parents died.  "Why would you make a statement like that?"  I asked.

"I just wanted them to know."

"At a family gathering?  In front of everyone?"

"Yes.  I wanted everyone there to know where I stand."

"And...why would do you think they'd even consider you taking care of them?"

"Oh...because I have to take care of everybody.  It's what I do."

<okay>

Next youngest (son) had called this morning to tell her that her oldest daughter is dying of liver failure.  Oh, and by the way, he just got out of hospital because HE had an alcoholic induced seizure and a drug overdose and HE also has Hepatitis C.

"He called last month and had been sober four days.  I had such high hopes for him.  Now he put me in a panic about his sister."

So she called her oldest daughter's partner, Staci, and left a message to call her back because she was worried about Lisa.

Her oldest daughter, Lisa called Dar back and was angry.  "Why are you worried about me?"

"Because your brother said you were dying."

"No.  I'm not dying.  I just got out of hospital with a flare up of Hep C., but I'm fine."

"Then why would your brother tell me you were dying?"

"Because Mom--he's out of his mind drunk or high most of the time!!"

Of course, her second daughter, the one that used to live with Dar and the grand kids, hasn't communicated with Dar in three years.  "My oldest brother managed to get into her Face Book account and downloaded a bunch of the kids pictures.  He put them in a picture file for me, so if she deletes them, I still have them.  Guess I showed her!"

===============================

All the while she is going on and on, I think to myself, "here is a woman who works in a large super store as a cashier.  She handles hundreds of products that germy people have handled or sneezed on or coughed on.  She is being exposed to who knows what and SHE IS CONTAMINATING MY HOUSE!!!"

<I know, not nice of me to think like that>

"I just wish the good Lord had made me barren!" she exclaims.  "Then I wouldn't have all these worries, abuse and disrespect from all my kids!"

<I wish the good Lord had made your mother barren, is my thought.>

Then she commences to tell me that she and I are "so much alike, it is like we are sisters."

"In what way?"

"Those tests on Face Book.  You and I usually get the same answer.  Except that one this morning when you were a teacher and I was a mother and one the other day, where our answers were entirely the opposite."

"Yes, and the fact that you can't stand to be alone and I enjoy it.  Or the fact that you like going to the movies and I don't.  And then there's that thing of you being way more emotional than I am, but....other than that, I guess we're alike.  We each have four children."

Just then her phone rang.

"Oh..I gotta get this.  It's Judy L."

I went into the bathroom while she chatted.

"That woman drives me nuts," Dar said.  "You know those kinds of people that want to have a conversation, but they do all the talking and you can't get a word in edgewise?  If you go to say something, they just keep talking or go off in another direction?"

"Yes.  I know those kinds of people."

"Well, she's like that.  Blab, blab, blab, while I sit there and just nod my head...kind of like you're doing now."

"I guess they think the world revolves.................."

"Oh my Gawd.  It's four o'clock.  I gotta get home!"

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A few days ago, one of my blog buddies asked me what was written on the baby crib quilt I am making.  Here are the pictures of it.

In case you didn't know, these are baby crib coverlets or quilts I am cross stitching for my as yet, unconceived great grandchildren.  I have 4 completely done and need 9.  One for each grand child's first born.  I'll be long gone probably, but there will be 9 quilts in a nice storage box that they can choose from.

Judy here--going back into hibernation!

Middle Of This Nice Week

The high temperature today was: 10

Sunshine all day

==================================

It has been just so nice to take the end of December and the first week in 2015 and just let the world go on around me, while I relax in a peaceful place.  In my opinion, January is the perfect time for that!  It is usually too bitter cold to do anything outside, unless absolutely necessary, plus a lot of people are all in a rush to get the new year started with their resolutions and their new membership at the health club and so much hurry, it seems.

I may tend to be a hermit, or so my neighbors say.  They wonder how I can stand to be alone in my house for days at a time with no company.  I have tended to always make excuses, but now, I am ready to stand up and say, "Because I like it this way."  They also loudly exclaim, "It's eleven o'clock and you aren't dressed yet?"   or "You didn't get up until ten?"

Often I want to say, "Yeah!  So what?!"

I might just start saying that instead of the excuse, "Well, I didn't get to sleep until two this morning, so I really only got eight hours sleep."

Many of those same people that rise at seven in the dark morning, also take naps in the afternoon.  I NEVER take a nap!  So in reality, I take my nap in the morning from seven to nine, while they are up, They take their nap in the afternoon, while I am up.  Sluggards. LOL.

Anyway--I have loved this last week or so.  It has been almost like a retreat for me.  I have read one really good book, written by a friend and have started another one and am half-way through.  "Cross Roads" written by the same guy that wrote, "The Shack."  I have watched classic movies and football or basketball games to my heart's content.  I have cooked a couple of large pots of stuff to freeze in one meal containers (Cabbage Rolls and Chili).  I have cross stitched until I am practically cross-eyed AND I haven't had to put up with Dar's insanity, nor Pearl's complaining.  AND, I haven't watched any news programs!!!

Lovely!
==============================

I did get out today.  I filled up the bird and squirrel feeders AND, I started my car and let it run for 15 minutes, then I took a drive around the park.  Up and down streets for about 20 minutes, then came back home and parked on the opposite side of the driveway that I normally park.  I had an outing!

You know what?  It is going to get cold enough in northern Florida where, if they had snow making machines, they could make a whole bunch of snow and go snow skiing--if they had any good sized hills, which they don't.  

Or, just make a bunch of snow piles for the kids to play in.  Fred's grand daughter, who lives in Florida, was seven before she ever saw snow!  I can't even imagine.  She was very intrigued with it.