A month and a week since I've posted.

Is there an excuse?  Not a very viable one.

Just not in the mood, I guess

This past year plus has made me old.  

I started physical therapy mid May and it has helped.  It is going to take a long time even to learn how to walk again, without staggering from the back pain and the weak legs.  I am booked twice a week through July 15th, with an extension if I need it.

Last Thursday, I finally got up enough courage to allow Kiera (the PT) to stick a couple of acupuncture needles directly into the spot, where it feels hard as a marble.  On my left side--the same spot that has hurt for the last 9 years.  

I woke up the next morning to a bit of soreness, I suppose where the needles went in, but no pain in that area and the "marble" went from one of those big ones, down to a regular size.  I couldn't believe it.

Then yesterday, I bent over to put the cat dishes down on their feeding mat, like I do every morning and when I went to stand back up, my right leg gave out and down I went...banging my right elbow, shoulder and hip.

I had to scoot across the kitchen floor and the living room carpet to get to my recliner chair, where I got up on my knees, grabbed the cushion and pulled myself up enough so I could collapse into it.

When I woke up this morning, I could barely get out of bed, I was in such pain.  My elbow and shoulder are bruised a bit, but it is the right lower back and right thigh that are so painful.

Here I am getting my left back fixed up and now I've set us back by racking up my right back.

I did have an appointment with her this afternoon, but when she saw me, she said my back was so inflammed that we couldn't do any exercises and she just massaged it for about half an hour.

Expecting a prescription of steroids to be delivered tomorrow.

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That reminds me...I heard a knock at my door Saturday and when I opened it, there Kiera stood with her freckled face 10 year old boy.  She handed me a salad and said, "You sit and eat your salad while we weed your gardens."  My gardens are thick this year and the plants are taller and fuller than they have ever been, but I have long grasses that are taller than the flowers.  They cleaned them up good.  Does that qualify for going above and beyond?  She said she was afraid that I'd go out to weed and fall.  Which, I probably would have.

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You remember Dar?  My neighbor.  I certainly have filled this blog with stories about her over the years.

"They" found out in January that she has a very rare blood cancer.  Nothing to do but monitor it to see if it starts invading her organs.

First part of May she became very sick and went into hospital.  They waited a week than did surgery, to find she had a very large tumor in her pancreas and small tumors in her liver and kidneys.  They removed them, but didn't want to pursue chemo right now.

She came home the day before Mother's Day.  Her daughter had driven up from North Carolina to be with her.

Mother's Day breakfast, Dar was at the table with her 100 year old father, who lives with her, and all of a sudden, she said, "Oh!" and fell to the left.  She had had a stroke.

Back to the hospital.  Clot in her brain.  They couldn't operate because her other major surgery had been a short while ago.

The hospital wanted to put her in a care/rehab place, but the rehab place said she wasn't well enough.  So the hospital kept her another week.

She was placed in a place last Monday.  Her daughter and father got to visit her.  Then her daughter went back to NC for a month, her father had to go live with his son, that he can't stand.  They removed all the cable boxes from the house, put her car in storage, set up the house like you would if you were leaving for a long time and closed it all up.  When I look out my left front window over there, it looks very lonely.

Jackie, my neighbor directly across the street and next to Dar's house went up to visit Dar on Sunday.  She called me afterwards to tell me...she regrets going.

Dar lays raised in her bed.  She will not open her eyes.  She will not speak, even though she can.  She has a feeding tube because she can't swallow.  Jackie said she has lost a lot of weight and "looks just awful."

They expect her to be there 3 months...maybe longer.  I'm thinking the pancreatic cancer might take her before then.

Personally?  I think Dar is just waiting for her Angel to come and get her and take her to the Lord.

It's amazing how quickly things can happen.  Just the day before she first went into hospital, she walked around the block then stopped in to visit me.  She seemed just fine.  Spunky as usual.

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On a brighter note:

My granddaughter Madeleine--the ballet dancer, who now teaches ballet, was married just 2 years ago end of May, came to visit and brought my great grandson Benedikt.  It was wonderful to be able to hug and kiss and sit close to talk.  She also brought news that she is expecting in January.

  

I have been so down in the dumps lately.  Lonely and lonesome.

It's been over a year since I've been up to The Farm.  My car is not stable enough to make that 25 mile trip.

Yesterday, my sister came all the way down from The Farm to pick me up.  We stopped at Culver's to get a butter burger for lunch and then drove the back roads up to our home town.

I don't know why, but she has a key to the church--a church I attended from the age of 6 weeks of age on, so we went inside so I could look around in the sanctuary.   They have added those large video screens up behind the altar.  I don't like them.  I like to hold a hymnal, so I can see the notes so I can harmonize.  Nowadays, they post the words on the video screen and, I guess, people just sing the words in unison with no harmonizing.

I have been having a lot of trouble with my legs.  They are very weak.  I had walked around the church quite a bit and when we got ready to leave, I stepped down on first step of the stairs...my left leg went out and down I went...landing on the step on my behind.  I couldn't even pull myself up by the railing, so I just bumped along, down each step, until my feet were on the floor, then I grabbed the hand rail and my sister grabbed my other arm and I was able to stand.

Then we drove around town a little bit, remembering who used to live where and what stores used to be on main street.  We drove on out of town and stopped at the cemetery where all of our Daddy's ancestor's are...and where we both will be too.  I walked a bit, finding it difficult and painful in my back to walk on uneven ground.  My sister put the flowers in the urns and then we drove around the perimeter lane in the cemetery and stopped to "see" friends and family members who are buried there...my best friend and her husband are there.

Then we drove the 3 miles over to her house.  I enjoyed that drive.  Some of the farmers are already tilling their fields...it's a bit early, but we've had an early spring.  We drove by my oldest daughter's home--was my grandparents home and after my grandma died, we moved over there and raised the kids in that home.  Then up on the corner where my son lives on what was my parents farm and the place I was born.  Then 1/8th mile down to sister's place.  The farm our great great grandparents settled on in 1855.  5 generations of my family have lived in that house.  Of course sister and her hubs updated it a  bit when they moved in 9 years ago.

Then

Now

Instead of leaves, that entire front lawn is covered by tiny purple May flowers.

We talked.  Some serious talk about things I want to go to certain people after I die and she will take care of the distribution.

We laughed and then she got out some old home movies our Mother had taken and I had put on a DVD and we watched.  Once again, so many friends and family members.  It was great to see my sister when she was little and I was a teenager.  To see your Daddy and Mother and grandparents and great grandma walking around.  We wish there had been sound so we could hear their voices again.

Then, she brought me home.  I had been so lonesome to go back "home"...where I know every inch of those houses, the fields, the woods.

It was such a wonderful day..

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Of course today, my legs hurt so bad I can hardly walk.  I rubbed them down with some horse liniment I got from a Vet.  It helps horses that have gone lame and...I tell you the truth...this old nag has gone lame in the last few months...but at least I'm not homesick anymore.

 I finished a cross stitch project last week.  Of course, it is wrinkled and needs to be washed and pressed, but you get the idea.

It goes with this one I finished at Christmas time.  Although I won't frame either one.

My cross stitching is a "something to do" in my life now.  I can't just sit and watch TV--I fidget.  So I do the cross stitch, to keep my hands busy.

Now that one is off the hoop, I found another free pattern to download.  This should keep me busy until 2022.

I thought I would do it on grey cloth until I realized that the entire background is varying shades of gray stitches.

And so I begin.  Upper right corner.  I may go mad until I run into a section of pretty colors.

Oh well.  It's just "something to do".

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It's rather ironic...all the research I did on the Covid vaccines and then decided the Johnson & Johnson was the safest, with no after effects.

 For the last year plus, I haven't even known anyone who has had Covid.  In the last 3 weeks, 4 people I know have died from it.  Not elderly people.  Men, in their 50-60's.

Vaccinated or not, I think we will still be wearing masks next fall, while we wait in line for the booster shot.

This Pandemic is far, far from over.

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Granddaughter-in-law had Toxemia or whatever they call it nowadays.  Her blood pressure was so high, "they" feared she'd have a stroke, so they induced labor this past Monday.

Now, I would think a C-section would be quicker and safer on high blood pressure than having to labor for 26 hours, but....what do I know.

Eliana Katherine was born on Tuesday, weighing only four pounds.  She kept forgetting to breathe, so they put her on forced oxygen.

She is off oxygen, but still has a feeding tube.  Momma may go home tomorrow.

We have never had a preemie in our family.  I had Toxemia with Jennifer, but I went full term.  Our babies usually have a birth weight of 8 pounds or more.  My Jen weighed 9# 4oz.  They were big enough to hop off the delivery table and walk to the nursery.

I can't imagine Momma and Daddy going home and leaving baby at the hospital.  How do you deal with that?

 Yesterday my daughter Karen had a baby shower for her son and his wife.  These kids got married last June, in a small, intimate, close family members only service.

I met her grandma at the wedding and we spent all afternoon at the outdoor reception, talking with each other.  I just instantly adored her and I guess the feeling was mutual.

I was so excited about being able to see her again yesterday.

My sister Susan, whose birthday was also yesterday, picked me up on her way.  Daughter Pam, who I haven't seen in nearly a year, was riding along with us and Susan's daughter-in-law.

I was drugged up with Advil/Tylenol, a hemp pain patch on my back, a tiny Ativan for my nerves and an anti-acid for my tummy.  I took my cane because I knew I wouldn't be able to walk from their driveway to their front porch without it.

All of Karen's kids and their spouses were there and 2 of my great babies--who of course barely recognized GiGi as they hadn't seen me since last October.

Then my "bonus" granddaughter's Mother, Cathy, walked in.  I was so glad to see her, but...where was Grandma Carolyn?

Cathy explained that her Mother was not feeling well.  She had a slight cold and didn't want to infect anyone, so she stayed home.  She went on to explain, "Mom actually cried, when she told me she wasn't going to be able to come.  She so wanted to see you again."

I could feel tears gathering in my eyes.  I had been waiting to see her and so happy about it for these last few months.  Cathy could see I was upset and she hugged me.  "I know.  I know.  Mom feels the same way."

So the shower progressed.  A really nice shower, only about 25 people and no stupid shower games.  A perfect luncheon of Croissants filled with chicken salad, fruit cups, pink frosted cupcakes and pink frosted sugar cookies.

The happy couple sat at the head of the table and insisted I sit next to them while they opened their gifts.

I got to hug each and every grandchild--and tell them I love them--several times.  Gosh!  It felt wonderful.

Today, my body feels like I got hit by a Mack Truck--probably from all the walking and moving around yesterday, but...I can rest today.  Every pain I feel.  Every spasm in my back today is worth it all.  I got to see a lot of people I love... except Grandma Carolyn.

Carolyn and Stephen and the quilt I cross stitched for them.

These "kids" are both doctor's and in their 1st year of residency.  Can you imagine how busy they are going to be when baby girl arrives in late April?

 Yes, I am still here.  

I really have no desire to post and if I'm going to keep this blog going, I need to post more often that EVERY SIX WEEKS!

I'm sorry.

I started doing leg exercises to strengthen my legs, after having my left leg collapse on me and causing me to fall.  This long isolation time has weakened my muscles.  I've heard that from many another woman my age, so I know it isn't some rare disease like Rickets.  But that knowledge doesn't help my mood!

Now when I walk, I tend to walk "crooked", like my left foot wants to go left while I am trying to walk straight.  After a few steps, the pain hits my left back and spine, causing me to walk even slower.  My balance is off too and I feel like I have to hold onto something to be able to walk.

Lawsy!  It's awful.

The last time I went to the store to get a few groceries, thankfully I had the cart to hold onto because my left calf gave out...or is it my left hip?

I have plans on making an appointment at the orthopedic surgeon that did my hip replacements to make sure they are still situated the way they are supposed to be.

Daughter Karen has had to go get my groceries this month for me.  She can use my food card.  I have my non-food items delivered by the local big supermarket--Meijer.  

The company that does that is called "Shipt" and they are great, but...they won't or can't use my food card.  If they did, I'd have them get all my items from the store and have them delivered.

Of course, that doesn't help the exercise situation.

Before the Lost Year of Covid, I went shopping about every 10 days.  I figured it was good exercise to walk the length and breadth of the store.  With the forced isolation and then the stay home-stay safe orders, most of us elders followed instructions.  We just sat in our recliners, watched TV and crocheted or cross stitched, and our leg muscles atrophied.

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I got my shot.  I went with the Johnson & Johnson because the research I had done, just left me with more questions about Moderna and Pizer.  Although all of my kids got the Moderna vaccine, 3 of my friends, my age and older, had problems after the second injection.

One had blood clot issues the day after the 2nd injection and two had strokes.  This may just be a coincidence, but...........?

If they had all received the serum at the same place, I would wonder if the serum was "bad", but they got them at 3 different places, but...in the same County.  Makes ya wonder doesn't it.

There is a baby shower for my May expected great grand baby, it's a  girl!  Karen is having the shower this Sunday and I am going TO HUG everyone of those grand kids of mine.  

I'll try to do a better job of posting.  I'm glad to see you are all well.

 What in the world is there to post about?

The sameness of everyday is about to drive me nutz!

The Virus restrictions seem worse now than 11 months ago, simply because the Virus seems worse.  How many new variants will appear?

I haven't received my vaccination and I'm in no hurry.  I don't like how the Pifzer one works on the mRNA...heard too many stories of how a year or more from now, because it messes with the RNA it can cause Lupus, MS and a whole host of other neurological diseases.  I might wait and go with the Johnson & Johnson vaccination--one shot and no attachment to the RNA.

I wonder now, if we are going to have to get a COVID vaccination every fall, because it will change every year, like the flu, and "they" have to try and figure out which vaccine will work the best.   Oh--have you noticed that there hasn't been much flu this winter?  Because we are wearing masks and being more careful about washing our hands.

I haven't felt well since the first of the year.  My legs are very weak, so I have started doing leg exercises, trying to build up my strength.  I walk "funny"...sort of stagger.  I was out shopping one day last month, saw a penny on the pavement, bent over to pick it up and my calves gave out and down I went.  Thankfully, there was a lady nearby who works in a nursing home and knew how to lift me up.

Now, why did I topple over?  I bend over all the time.  To put down the cats feeding bowls.  To pick something up off the floor.  I guess it's because I had just come from grocery shopping and walking all over the store and my legs were weak?

Now, I am battling with Positional Vertigo.  It comes from sleeping flat--which I have done for the last two years.  The crystals inside my ear canals have decided to get all stupid, which results in extreme dizziness to a faint feeling.  I am doing the Epley Maneuver, trying to get them back where they line up correcting in the ear canals and specific instructions:  "Do not lay flat for 48 hours after the maneuver."  Sleeping on a big, puffy pillow, to raise my head, which makes my neck hurt and the reason I have been sleeping pillowless for 2 years.

I haven't seen anyone in the family end of December and no calls from the kids.  I have the grocery store home deliver my groceries, so I don't see Karen...who used to go shopping for me.  The store won't/can't take my food card, so I only order non-food stuff, which is okay.  I get the biggest heaviest quantity of cat litter and food there is---they carry it all into the house for me.  

Life isn't much fun right now and hasn't been in a long time.

So what else is new?

Nuttin' Honey.