Depression. Have you ever had it?

I don't mean feeling "down" for a few days, but that persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest, that lasts for months.

I've battled it off and on, most of my adult life.

It comes, for no reason and can leave, just as quickly, for no reason.

I felt it coming on last April and thought it was because of the restrictions due to The Virus, but nothing in my physical life had really changed. I don't go out much in my normal life.

It got worse and worse. I loss interest in almost everything. I still had genealogies to work on, thank goodness, but I didn't clean up my house, I didn't eat and I lost 15#. I didn't fill up my bird feeders, I didn't tend to my flower gardens. I was tired all the time. I didn't want to see anyone because, just the effort of talking and trying to concentrate on a conversation, wore me out. I started hoping that I would just die...such a relief that would be. No more worries. No more back aches. Just bliss.

In mid-November, I noticed that I had started feeling better. I had a calm feeling. I wasn't yawning and tired all day. I no longer fell asleep in my chair at 4:00 in the afternoon. I seemed to have a bit more energy and everything just started to "feel fine" again.

I have no idea why, but the depression has seemed to finally go away. Nothing has changed physically--I still am restricted in my going to and fro. My car is still in bad shape. My income is less than my out-go. Thanksgiving with the family was canceled, along with Christmas, but that hasn't bothered me one tiny bit.

I can't explain it, but I feel wonderful!! Thank you God!

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I am getting my "Christmas" in bits and pieces. Karen came over Thursday, with lunch, and a gift and we talked for a couple of hours. Then she helped me set up the fairly large humidifier I have and we talked some more.

She is disappointed that we aren't having a family get together and I think what makes it more difficult for her is that her oldest daughter, Helene, with the two children; Della and Harrison, won't allow in person visits. Karen and her husband Mark, went down to see the kids the other day, and they had to talk through the glass storm day. Della cried because she wanted to "hug Grammie" and Harrison cried because he wanted to "kith Gwammie and Papa", so Karen and Mark left. She said they cried half the way home.

I felt so bad for Karen! She said, "Well Mom, I guess you would know what it's like to have your daughter forbid you to see your grandchildren."

<referring back 6-7 years when Jennifer sent me an e-mail telling me I couldn't see her kids anymore>

I said to Karen, "Yes. I know how much that hurts, but this time will pass and you will get to see them and hug them again. At least Helene isn't moving four hundred miles away, and you still get to see and hold Benny." (Her youngest daughter Madeleine's baby.)

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My sister and brother-in-law Chuck stopped in on Friday. They brought a bag full of presents. Since I don't have a Christmas tree to put them under--I want to wait until Christmas Eve to open them, Susan suggested I set them up in my rocking chair.

We always get our picture taken together on Christmas Eve--this is what it looks like this year.

Susan said she is going to fold the photo so it looks like we are sitting together

I put the Star ornament she gave me on the top of my "tree".

I am thinking of setting up my camera and taking a video when I open her gifts. Then I can e-mail her the video and it will be like she is here with me.