I'm finally coming out of my discombobulation.

Since Christmas, I'd wake up each day and wonder what day it was.  So many days felt like Sunday, or Monday because we had a celebration the day before.  The new year affected me almost as much as the time change does.

The 7th sadiversary for Fred was New Year's Day, so that set me to being in my "head" most of the day, finding it difficult to concentrate.  

I had so much to do and didn't know which to do first.  The fact that I had finished the genealogy and wanted to get the pedigrees printed and the book bound...but the print shop was closed, threw me off schedule.  My two oldest grand girls have birthdays on January 3rd and 4th and I completely forgot to make them cards to mail out.

My house was such a mess and I walked around in circles, not knowing which job to tackle first and ended up not doing any of my chores, until this morning.  Perhaps my organized self is returning?  

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I talked to Helene, my oldest grand girl, on her birthday and she said she was going in that afternoon for an ultra sound to see how the twins were doing.  One baby was much smaller than the other and I have worried about that since Dec. 27th when she told me she was pregnant.  She said she would call back later and let me know.

By 11:00 Thursday, when I had received no phone call or e-mail, I knew something was wrong.  Yesterday, Karen told me.  The smallest fetus had died.  Helene is only 7 weeks pregnant and that fetus was the size of a thumb nail.  We are hoping the other baby will be all right and grow as it should with no complications.

I was thinking, back in the day, before all these tests and ultra sounds and the like, you had no idea how many babies you might be having until the doctor listened to the heart beat with his stethoscope.  I had heard of women, when they deliver their baby, the doctor found a small "sac" of cells and informed them that they had been pregnant with twins early on in their pregnancy.

How much easier that would be to bear than to get all excited about twins and have tragedy happen and have to go through that grief.  It is easy to say, everything will be all right and you will have a baby, but that doesn't really help a grieving mother.  Sobbing at the loss of her "other" child--even though it was only the size of a thumb nail.

I can remember when my sister had two miscarriages and my Pammie had five miscarriages, they grieved for those babies as if they had carried them full term and then lost them.

Helene's babies were fraternal twins, each having their own placenta.  To me, that means the viable fetus should not be affected by the other one.  I worry and I know, it is not my place to worry.  It is my place to pray and if it is God's will, I will have a new great grand baby in July.

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50 years ago, I took Pam and Karen to the theatre to see Mary Poppins.  Yesterday, they took me to see the new one.  At first, I didn't like it and then I convinced myself that this movie isn't a "remake" of the original, this is an entirely new one.

I still missed not hearing the original songs, but every now and then, a few bars of that music would be played in the background.

My sister Susan also met us there and my Precious Girl, Madeleine.

Afterwards, Pammie and Karen came to the house.  Pammie to pick up my old TV and DVD player, while Karen installed a new Blue Ray for me.  Boy, they are smart when it comes to figuring out electronics.

When I clean out my closets and cupboards, Karen wants my large electric griddle and bread maker and I am giving my fancy mixer and 4-slice toaster to Maddie for her Hope Chest.  Pam doesn't want anything because she lives alone and doesn't bake or cook a lot either.

Susan wants to come down and go through the 2 storage boxes of cross stitch and knitting/crochet patterns.  

I need to write up a schedule so I can get this chore and my house cleaned.  Like...Monday: clean bedroom and go through closet and drawers.

Tuesday: clean bathroom and clean out cupboards.  Clean out cupboards in laundry area.

Wednesday: clean kitchen and clean out cupboards.

This is the only way I'll get it done and I want to get it done.  

There is something that has been niggling at my mind since December 21st.  I realized that 6 months from that day, I will have my 80th birthday.  It's been on my mind a lot since then--like every day.  I need to get my house in order!  I also need to go through my funeral storage box and make sure my insurance papers have notes on how to collect my life insurance and freshen up my funeral plans.  

These things need to be done and I will feel a lot better when they are.