title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Happy New Year


It’s the 7th day of Christmas,
There’s seven Swans on the lake.
I yell and scare them away,
Then with laughter, I shake.



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 One evening, Fred and I were sitting in our chairs, watching TV, I heard him sigh and then he looked over at me and said, “I love living this life with you.  It’s so easy and comfortable.”  Some women wouldn’t think that a compliment, but I did.  I never believed in that whole “Soul Mate” stuff, but I think (maybe), we were.  In our time together, we never had one single disagreement.  That is kind of amazing. 

We were so much alike, in our backgrounds, our beliefs and our thinking.  We’d even start singing the same song at the same moment and then look at each other like---“Well, that was weird.”  We’d be driving in the car, in silence and he’d say something and I’d look at him and say, “Oh my gosh!  I was just thinking the same thing!” 

When he died, January 1st, 2012, people said they couldn’t believe that I didn’t sob or that I wasn’t prostrate with grief.  As I drove home from the hospital that morning, I just kept saying, “Thank you, God.  Thank you.”  I was just so thankful to God for bringing us together, because in a normal life scenario, it was impossible for Fred and me to EVER meet. 

The tears come every once in a while now, but still, when I think of Fred, I get a big smile on my face.    I am still just always so grateful and consider myself so lucky to have had seven wonderful years with him. 

His last words to me were, “I love you, Sweetheart—I’ll see you in a little while.” 

I miss his voice and his smile and his laugh.  I miss his arms and his kisses and the sound of him breathing beside me every night. 

Now, I whisper to him, “I love you, Sweetheart—I’ll see you in a little while.”   
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Softball.  Three nights a week.  He played with kids in their 40's. 

His two daughters who live in Florida and his 3 grandchildren 


His two kids who live in Michigan.









H


The day we  got engaged.
My 65th birthday.
Also a softball game.


His beloved dog Tootz. 
Five days before he died.
How can a person look so healthy one day
and be gone the next?



Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Wednesday, December 30, 2014--the 6th Day of Christmas




It’s the 6th day of Christmas,
I see six Geese making nests.
I hate those dang things,
They make such a mess!

Tuesday--5th day of Christmas



It’s the 5th day of Christmas,
Ah ha, five golden rings!
I'll take them up to the jeweler,
See how much cash they’ll bring.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Monday



It’s the 4th day of Christmas,
I hear four Blackbirds loudly calling.
I wished they'd fly away,
Their noise is galling.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

On The Second & Third Day of Christmas.................




It’s the 2nd day of Christmas,
I see two Turtle Doves.
Who shat on my car,
As they flew high above.




It’s the 3rd day of Christmas,
Three French Hens being proper.
By dusk they’ll be two,
I’m having one for supper.


to be continued for the next 10 days...

Friday, December 26, 2014

Christmas Decoratiosn--BEGONE!

A poem to be continued for the next 12 days:

It’s the first day of Christmas,
And what do I see?
A dang Partridge sitting up high,
In my leafless Maple tree.

===========================================

You all know how excited I was that Jennifer and the kids were coming to our family Christmas Eve.  I think I also mentioned that I was going in with no expectations.  I would greet her and the kids the same way I greet any of my other children/grandchildren.  But I gotta tell you, all the way up to The Farm, in the grey, rainy weather, I had a big smile on my face.




My brother-in-law hauled all my stuff in and my sister greeted me with, "Jen and the kids aren't coming.  Evan got Norovirus from his grandma on the cruise and now Elise has it."  My heart hit the slate floor and then she said, "Oh, and Pammie has been with them all week and she is afraid she might be carrying it, so...she isn't coming either."  I wanted to just fall on the slate entryway floor and scream and cry and throw one of those kinds of tantrums I used to throw when I was three!

Pam did come up with her gifts for us, but she had on a mask and dropped the gifts off and left.



Then Karen and Mark arrived with their kids and brought the gifts Jennifer had for us and her planned dish of Deviled Eggs.  (I did not eat any of the eggs from the Norovirus infested home!)

I really tried to be cheerful and I think I fooled everyone that was there.    We all sang carols, while Susan played the piano--like we always used to when our Mother was alive and then Chuck showed us a video he had made of Christmas 1999--when Karen's kids were young.  

My son Mark and his partner, Cindy


Karen & Mark  



Karen's Kids and my Plus One (grandson in-law)



My nephew Adam and his wife and Kate.
At 3:30, Karen & Mark and the kids had to leave to make it 4:30 Mass, it was getting dark and I wanted to start home too.  I was also so worn out and tired I felt like I was getting sick.

I was still so upset so, I stopped at Pammie's on the way home because I wanted to see her open one particular gift from me--the photo collage I had done of her farm--from 1922 on.   We got to talking and griping and I felt better when I left at 5:00.

Of course, it was already dark.  I do not see well enough to drive very well after dark and my parting words to Pammie were, "Well, I'll probably crash into a tree and die on the way home, but I don't care!  I'll never see you again, so I want you to know that I love you!"

She laughed as I ran through the downpour to my car.  She had no idea that, at that time, I really thought crashing into a tree and dying would be a perfect end to Christmas Eve 2014.

I was a very difficult drive!  Every car I met--their headlights, glaring off the wet dark pavement, the rain pouring down, blinding me.  I decided to drive the last 10 miles home the back way--knowing it would be better than having to look at oncoming traffic.

I no more than got in the door and the phone rang.  It was Pammie.  "I called fifteen minutes ago and you didn't answer and I got a bit worried that you might have crashed into a tree. "

"It was a bad drive, but I made it.  Took me about twenty minutes longer than normal.  No, I'm not dead--darn it."

"Love you, Momma.  Merry Christmas."

"Bah!  Humbug!"

I couldn't sleep and finally at 1:00 am, I got up and sat in my chair and just cried and cried.  When they move to NJ, I probably will never have another Christmas with Jen and her family!

Then, I cursed myself of being TOO excited and feeling such anticipation of such a wonderful time.  When will I learn that NOTHING turns out the way I'd like anymore!  
=================
I woke up around 10:00 Christmas morning and felt like someone had beat me up.  Karen had invited me to come down to their house for dinner, at 3:30.  Her in-laws were going to be there for their Christmas.

I had promised her kids, the night before, that I would see them on Christmas day, so down I went.  We had a nice turkey, stuffing, potatoes kind of dinner--the Thanksgiving turkey dinner I had missed out on.

They were wanting to have their "tree", so we took some pictures and I was home by 5:00.  Perfect!



  















====================
Woke up this morning, feeling a lot better, but not in the mood anymore for Christmas, so I have spent the day, packing it all away.  

I did get a nice "haul"--gift cards and some $$$ and this nice picture of Jennifer and her family.  She has lost 50# and looks like her gorgeous self again.





At least I know, she was VERY disappointed that she and the kids couldn't come.  That makes me feel a bit better.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Christmas Eve














Today was a bust!

A big goose egg.

The suckiest Christmas Eve ever.