F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real

I sure have a way of getting myself all worked up!  I kept watching the coverage of the OK tornado.  I told myself to turn off the TV--and I did, but within a half hour, I was back in my chair, cross stitching and watching it again.  FOX news had the best coverage--even better then the Weather Channel and certainly much better then CNN.  CNN seems to like to go up to survivors, in these tragedies, stick a microphone in their face and say, "How does this make you feel?"

"Oh--I just love it!  Couldn't happen to a better place!  My house and all my possessions are gone.  My child is buried under the school.  Isn't this exciting?"   I think I might say something like that to an idiot CNN reporter.  Blasted people!!

So--I then turned to my local station to see our weather report and there on the screen--the radar picture, showing big severe thunderstorms heading our way.  Coming out of Chicago--trailing way back to Kansas--a long train of thunderstorms, with damaging winds and hail--bright orange--heading right toward me.

What did I do?  Did I take an Ativan and pray for God to protect us and go to bed?  ARE YOU KIDDING?  That makes sense!

Oh no.  I stayed up until 2:30--every half hour, coming into the computer, clicking on the TWC site and the radar map, clicking on the button that would let me watch the progression of the storms for six hours into the future.

Finally--when I had determined that the storms would not hit here until 6-6:30 a.m. and daylight, I went to bed and slept.

I woke up this morning at 9:00..  Not a drop of rain. The sky sunny and blue with a few puffy white clouds.  I got on the computer and checked the same radar, only this time, I checked the "past" progression of the storms.  At 4:00 this morning, they seemed to break apart.  What rain we got went north of us.

I felt like an idiot!!!

Why do I do these kinds of things?  Do I think that somehow, by knowing something, I can control it?  STUPID!!

I was better off last summer, when I didn't care if I lived and kind of wanted to die, and was never scared of any storms.  In fact, I'd stand out on the porch and say, "Come and get me!"

Well- I don't like thunder, but I have ear plugs that keep out all loud, sharp noises for that event--or fireworks, or whatever.  I have a very strong startle response--have had it for most of my life.  My Daddy used to love to light firecrackers and throw them under my lawn chair (outside) in the summer.  I guess he thought THAT would teach me not to jump at the sound of a loud pop?  I have been in or near two tornadoes when I was little--the noise I will never forget.  I suppose that has something to do with it.  I have
Ligyrophobia--the fear of sharp or loud noises. 

I can go to a stock car race and the loud, continual noise doesn't bother me.  It's the loud, sharp noise.

I wasn't as afraid when I lived in a  house with a basement.  Sometimes, if the thunder got intense, I'd just go down in the basement where I couldn't hear it as much and relax.  But--I have no place for shelter in this place.  You have seen what even a small tornado does to a manufactured home--right?

I walked down to visit Pearl for a half hour this morning.  Told her what I had done last night and she laughed at me.  She started in with her sound(?) reasoning.

"This park has been here forty-five years.  There has never been a tornado come through here.  We are not on a tornado path!"

"Then, the odds are getting smaller that we are due for one."  My sound(?) reasoning.

I think it comes from the fact that I am alone.  When darkness comes, it feels much lonelier then it did when Fred was here.  It's not like HE could control things and keep dangers away, but...just to have someone else, is very reassuring.  Pearl had to admit, that if her hubby was gone, she'd probably get a little scared too.

In other years, when the warnings came on the TV and we were told that there "might" be a super cell, Fred and I would load the dog in the car and go to Jen's big house with the big, finished basement.  Now--I am not even allowed to do that.  AND--how would I ever get the cats in the car?  They run and hide under the bed at the first rumble of thunder.

I wonder....do they make "Thunder Shirts" for people?
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Buddy isn't scared.  He's going to take a nap, lying on Momma's jeans.

Do you see the length of that cat?  I love this big guy so much!

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As I left Pearl's--Dar came rushing out of her house, shouting.  "I just heard--we are going to be without water for a couple of hours.  Get home and draw some water!!!

Jackie came to her porch and said, "What's the matter!?"

Dar repeated her shout--Jackie said, "Okay, thanks for letting me know."

Pearl said, "Go good grief," and went back in her house.

I said, 'It will be all right, Dar."

"But you gotta get home--they are turning off the water right now!  You will need some to flush!"

Two hours with no water is not a crisis to me.  I said, "Okay--thanks for letting us know."

I came home.  I did not run around trying to find a bucket to fill.  No big deal.

Dar--erratic and panicky--about most everything.

Jackie--calm--except when she gets mad at the guy who mows the lot next to hers and spreads Dandelion fluff on her lawn.  .

Pearl--who cares--unless it's something that doesn't work right--then she gets all in a tither. .

Me--inordinate fear of storms.

We are all old.  We are all weird, in our own ways.
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I have waited all day for the rains to come.  They have been in the area--but not at my house.  Tonight at 7:00, I went out, unreeled the heavy, long hose and watered my vegetable garden (2 tomato plants and a cucumber), then got an empty gallon jug, filled it and watered the plants on the porch.

"They" are predicting we "may" have rain during the night--tomorrow,  and Thursday.  I sure hope so.  This area has had no rain in May.

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I watch Mother Angelica on EWTN on Tuesday evening at 8:00  She is now 90 and most of these broadcasts are twenty years old--but surprising how relevant they are for today.  I really like her.  She is warm and pleasant.  She speaks of Jesus' great love for us.  How, we may draw away from Him, but he never draws away from us.  I have drawn away from God and Jesus, at times in my life.  You know what--when I came back, He was waiting for me--put His hand on my shoulder and stays very near.

No--I am not a Catholic, but I love listening to this nun.
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Have a great Wednesday.

A Day of Disasters

I was watching FOX news--Shepherd Smith, and all of a sudden they came on with breaking news that a tornado was forming in Oklahoma--I watched as it snaked down and then grew and grew.  It was awful watching it--yelling at the TV--"Stay away from that farm!"  75-100 horses were killed on that farm.  Then seeing pictures of the devastation in Moore, OK.

Can you imagine seeing this coming at you.  I want to yell,

"Put down the damn camera and get in  your underground storm shelter!!"

It's one of those horrible things on TV that you don't want to watch, but you can't quit watching.  Like Newtown, or 9/11, or the Kennedy assassination.  Then you hear that 24 little kids drown when the "safe" storm cellar they were in, flooded?  Incomprehensible!  The pictures on TV look like the town was hit by an Atom Bomb!

We had a severe thunderstorm watch and updated to warnings around me, but we got no rain.  We did get a bit of wind, but no big deal.  My Maple trees released their seed pods in the wind.  As they came whizzing down, I could hear them hitting the sides of my house.

Storm clouds building

Maple tree whizzers cover everything.  Those little devils

will bore down in the ground and everywhere one landed

will try and grow a tree.  So it is out and picking them up

or waiting until they start to grow and pulling them out. 

I hear we will have more watches tomorrow--that nasty storm is heading this way.

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I'll bet you can tell me which one is Pearl and which one is Darlene.

Look at the eyes--which looks wilder, LOL.

Look at that mouth--it says, "Don't argue with me!"

I won't get sued for posting pictures of them.

They don't know I have a blog and no one who knows them reads this blog.

(She said, about her last blog, and a distant cousin rat finked her out.)
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Our state has had some deadly tornadoes--one last year in a town just 20 or so miles south of here.  Dexter, Michigan.  They had never had one before in history.

So, this afternoon I called Pearl to give her a weather update, as I was watching the radar on my computer and could put it in motion to see what was coming at us in the next six hours.

"I've checked.  The bad storms are going to go north of us."

"Why do you worry so much about storms?"

"Because, we live in a glorified trailer--we have no protection--we have no shelter in this park.  I want to be prepared so I know, if a tornado is coming, I can get in the car and get up to the hospital and hope to find shelter there."

"Oh pooh!" she says.  "I have lived in this area for seventy-seven years and we have never had a tornado!"

"That's what the people of Dexter said--until last year."

"Listen--I know about these thing!  Tornadoes follow certain paths.  We are not in that kind of path!"

"A tornado can happen anywhere.  There are super cells that can drop out of a severe thunderstorm--with no warning."

"No--that's not right.  Tornadoes follow certain paths and we are NOT in one of those kinds of paths!"

"Well--what would you do if you SAW one coming at you?"

"I'd go out and get in my car where I would be safe."

"Have you seen what happens to cars hit by tornadoes?"

"Well--we don't live in Oklahoma--we don't get tornadoes like that here!"

Okay...............................

You do not argue with Pearl--I keep telling you that, LOL

A Sunday Is Good Day For Thinking

Karen brought me the flowers she had purchased for me for Mother's Day.  The student's at the girls high school, where she teaches, were selling them.  All proceeds went to Right to Life.

===============================================================
I keep think about my blogger friend, Balisha.  Knowing the pain she is going through this weekend.  Well--not REALLY knowing, as I have never lost a child to death.  But, knowing, grief is similar in all cases.  There is the mind numbing feeling--people around you, talking to you, and later--you can't remember a thing that was said.  You get this "fog" that permeates your mind and life for months.  You go through all the motions, but you are going on "rote"--your body feels heavy--like you are almost moving in slow motion.  You get forgetful.  The reason being--your consciousness is filled with thoughts of your loved one who has passed.

You are remembering the memories.  You are going over everything that has happened.  Why?  Could more have been done?  How can everything be fine one day and completely destroyed the next?  Did God do this?  What was the reason?

There are absolutely NO answers.  You just have to live through the fog--the heaviness--the (sometimes) wanting to die so you can be with them again.  One day at a time.  One foot in front of the other until, one day, the fog starts to lift and you begin to see brightness again.

It is by far the hardest thing you will ever go through!!!
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I am also thinking about my life.  I have read your comments--thanks--about patience and frustration, and the weird or nutsy-cuckoo people I live around.  and I realize--I fit right in with them.

I have read blogs where the author is fairly young and they become frustrated with their parents.  Their parents seem to get so easily upset now--with trivial things.  They get in a panic.  They are demanding.  They call on the phone and want help from that child--RIGHT NOW!!  They can't carry on a normal conversation with their parents because their parents seem so distracted and only want to talk about THEIR issues--medical problems, money problems.  Sometimes, their parents will say or do strange and weird things, that the child can make no sense out of.

I want to say to them, "Call me in twenty years and tell me how you are feeling."  Because twenty years from now--their kids are going to be saying the same thing about them.

I am in no way the parent my children grew up with.  I am sure, by now, they have gone through that moment, when in a normal family setting, they look at me and think, "Oh my gosh, Mom is getting old!"  I remember going through that with my Daddy.  The wrinkles are there.  The grey hair is coming in.  The not so vigorous walk.  The slow down in speech, as we try to connect out thoughts to be able to express them.  It is shocking when that moment comes--when your parent has always been strong and vibrant and then--all of a sudden--you realize--they aren't anymore.

It is an age thing.  Usually exacerbated if your parent lives alone.  I have those anxiety attacks.  The fear is very real to me.  The frustration with things breaking--knowing I can't fix them.  Oh--I used to be able to--but now, I can't bend over that far--or I can't lift that heavy thing--or it just seems too much to handle.  You should have seen me struggle to get the bottom storm window off my screen door to try and clean it--took me a long time--it was awkward and heavy and it wouldn't go back in easily.  It had to be done.  I wanted it done NOW!!  If I had called one of my kids for help--they would wonder why I was so frustrated and upset and of course--they don't have time to run over here and help.

If Fred were here, he might not be able to help, but he would be sitting there--giving me encouragement.  Saying, "Take it down a bit farther until you get to the slot where it lifts out."  or "You have to start at the bottom to put it in--then you push it up and lock it in place."

Pearl gets so frustrated when she is talking and all of a sudden, loses her train of thought or can't remember the next word she wants to use.  Dar gets panicky when she is running low on water and there is no one to take her to get anymore.  I get scared when I get heart flutters and wonder--"is this it?  No one will know I'm dead for days!"

We get cranky.  We get crotchety.  We get angry. We get scared.  Some live in constant pain and it reflects on our personality.

Some of the kids say, "Let's go shopping!"  and they take you to the mall and off they go and you are trying to keep up, but your back or hips or legs are killing you and you just can't keep up--you can barely walk fifty feet without stopping to rest.  They don't get it.

Some of the kids say, "You need to get involved!"  In what?

"You ought to do this."  You ought to do that."  Yeah, yeah, yeah--you're just too damn tired.

"You ought to just get in your car and drive over to Lake Michigan and spend the day.  You love being by the water."  Yes--it would be wonderful--something I would have done in my '60's.  But now--the thought comes into my head--"What if I have car trouble.  How would I get help.  It's not like I can walk two miles to the nearest gas station."  "It's over a hundred miles over there.  What if I can't drive that far without getting tired."  "What if I have one of my major dizzy spells."  Thoughts that NEVER would come into their minds-- or yours ten years ago.

Some will say, "We are taking you to the basketball game!"  YAY!  But you have to walk three blocks to the stadium and climb up three sets of steep, tall stairs with no handrail and, yes, it was fun, but it takes you three days to get over the pain of your adventure.  You go because it was a nice thing for them to do for you.

But--one day their spouse will die and they will be left to do it all.  Or they will be divorced and one day the arthritis or some debilitating illness will come and they will hurt all the time.  One day they will be scared, critical, crotchety and angry and alone--then they might say, "Oh--this is how Mom felt."

They'll get it one day, but we won't be around to see it.

One last thought--I saw this on the Internet and typed it up and put it in my funeral box where my daughter's will find it.  I didn't write it, but it pretty much says it all--well, I did write the fourth and third paragraph from the end, but that is only because it pertains to us.

I probably should mail it to them now, LOL.
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"My dear girls, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say, “You said the same thing a minute ago”... Just listen, please.

Try to remember the times when you were little and I read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep.  

When my house isn’t as clean as you think it should be, just remember your younger  years when you lived in a clean one--your messes that I picked up daily--your laundry always done.  Perhaps my eyes aren’t as good as they once where and I cannot see the dust.  Perhaps I am just too tired to keep the house neat all the time.

When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way... remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day.

If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, or don’t remember a long ago instance you are referring to, just give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. 

All our memories are there in my mind, it is just difficult to recall them sometimes.  Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked.

If I say or do something that doesn't make sense to you--remember, I am alone a lot.  Sometimes I don't talk to another human being for days at a time.  My mind wanders.  It becomes befuddled.  I might have, to me, a profound thought that needs to be expressed.  I will say it. I might do something that seemed right, to me, at the time.  I will do it.  Later, I will realize that what I said or did, makes no sense at all.  I will wonder why I said or did it,  but it is too late to take back.  

When I am scared or fearful or filled with anxiety and you can't see the reason why.  Don't become frustrated with me.  Remember the times you were scared or fearful or filled with anxiety, and from experience I knew and told you, "It's going to be all right."

When those days come, don’t feel sad... just be with me, and understand me, with love and patience, while I get to the end of my life.

I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you... my darling daughters.”

Pearl--or Pearlie Mae--or Auntie Pearl

I just found out, my blogger friend Balisha's son Tim, passed away.  The had given him six months--which always instills a bit of hope, but a few days later, he was in trouble and they transferred him to the Hospice area and within a few hours, he died.  Her husband posted on her blog this morning.  I am heart broken at the news.  We had all been praying so hard for him.  I wish I were closer to her so I could just go and hug her tight!!!  May 18, 2:00 p.m.
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Something you have to know about Pearl.  She does not like the name Pearlie Mae.  I called her that once and she got very incensed.

"Don't call me that.  I'm not from the South!"

Okay.

So the next time she came down, she stepped into my house and says, "Buddy--Maggie--Auntie Pearl is here."  So, now when she comes in, I say, "Auntie Pearl is here,"--she likes that.  Then she pets Buddy and shakes her finger in Maggie's face until Maggie swipes at her and catches her with a claw, then Pearl yells and says, "The little brat just clawed me!"  and I say, "I've told you--she thinks your playing with her."  And that routine goes on every time she comes down to visit.

Pearl is not very emotional about anything.  She doesn't cry very often.  If I get tears in my eyes, she will say, "Now don't start that!"  She likes to argue about everything--mostly stuff she doesn't know or doesn't remember.  You see--Pearl has a hard time remembering things.  She will start a conversation and then forget what she was going to say.  She will look at me and say, "Now--don't say anything until I get this whole sentence out."

 So, I sit quietly and wait for her to talk--sometimes, in the middle of the sentence, she can't remember the word she wants--then she looks at me and says, "Oh--you know what I'm trying to say?"  and I will add the word I think she is trying for and usually I am correct because I have been listening really hard and trying to figure out where she is going with her sentence.  I don't think she has dementia, but just really forgetful--at least I hope she doesn't have dementia.

I think this whole argument has actually been good for her mind.  It has caused her to think and search and read and really get into it so she can prove her point.  Thanks for your knowledge about "the trees".  I have now found out that the tree Pearl is referring to is a Tulip Poplar.  The tree I have is a Tulip Magnolia and then there is the Regular Magnolia--which I don't think grows this far north--but I may be wrong about that.  I've never seen one in this area.

Anyway--Pearl's mother left her Dad when Pearl was two years old.  She was raised by her grandparents and they were quite indulgent of her.  Things are to be done her way.  She is always right--even when she is incredibly wrong, but I have found, it is best to let her "win" in all situations.  When she gets something on her mind, she will go after it like a dog with a bone--no one better get in her way because she is going to get whatever she wants.  Like the whole cat scenario.

She was very upset on the way home because every cat she went to, either swiped at her or nipped her.  She said, "I just don't understand why none of them like me."

So--I told her.  "Well--in the first place--to go up to their cage, open the door quickly and stick your hand in--you scared them and they defended themselves the only way they know how.  You aren't suppose to open the cages.  You go up--place your palm flat against the cage and let them smell you and rub against you.  Then you ask one of the workers to open the cage--I mean--there's a sign right there that says, "Do not open cat cage doors."  Then if you are interested in one, the worker will get the cat and bring it to you in the cat room and you sit in the chair and let the cat get used to you."

"Well--there were too many workers in that room anyway.  I didn't feel comfortable."

Then when we got home, I went in her place for a minute and Merle, her hubby was there and he says, "How'd it go?"

and she tells him the story about the cats hating her and he says--in his droll way, "You probably scared 'em."

She looks at him and then at me and rolls her eyes.

Okay.

She wants a cat to cuddle.  Her's won't.  I can see why.  He walks by--she reaches out, grabs him and holds him up close to her to hug him.  He turns around and nips her hand and she throws him on the floor.  Strange because he never bites me--but then I don't grab him and hug him.  I let him come to me and then I lean over and talk to him and pet him a few times and go sit down.  I found out yesterday from Bethie who works at an animal shelter, that front de-clawed cats tend to be biters--that is their only defense, so I will pass that on to Pearl also.

This is a woman that use to breed bull dogs--you'd think she'd know how to relate to animals!

When she and I went to the nursery across the road to get our annuals--she started planting hers the minute she got home.  I walked down to see what she was doing.  "You got your plants in yet?" she asks.

"No--I'm going to wait until the fifteenth--in case we have a late frost."

"Oh--we won't have a frost," she says.  "It's almost Mother's Day!  I used to work in a florist shop--I know all about plants."

Okay....

So--on Mother's Day night, when it was predicted to get down in the 20's--I see her out there near dark, running around the yard laying towels and sheets over all her annuals.  I went down to help and didn't say a word.

She has severe back pain all the time--and neuropathy in her legs and feet.  She's the one that got the shots in her back with the bad cortisone last fall.  Thankfully, she never got meningitis!!!  Now she is going to another doctor to, "Get a Cortisone shot in my hip."

"That's what you got last fall in your back and it didn't help." says I.

"I didn't get Cortisone---I got something else--it starts with an M."

"You mean Depo-Medrol?"

"Yes--that's it."

"That is a corticosteroid--like Cortisone--it helps relieve the inflammation in your joints or tissues."

"No--Cortisone is a pain drug."

"It helps the pain because it relieves the inflammation," says I.

"NO!  It's a pain drug."

Okay.....

"Do you want me to take you to the doc to get the shot?"

"I don't know," she says.  "Should I get it?  I'm taking that pain medicine--what's it called--it starts with a T."

"Tramadol."

"And that other pill--starts with a P."

"Prednisone?"

"Yes--that's it.  You should be a nurse--you can remember all the names of all the drugs."

"I only know them because if a doctor wants me to take them--I research it and find out the side effects and see if I should take it or not.  A lot of those anti- inflammatories can cause real problems with your system.  I don't think you should get a Cortisone shot if you are on Prednisone AND Tramadol."

"Well, my doctor told me to get the shot.  Wouldn't she know what I am already taking?"

"Not necessarily."

So whether she gets the shot or not--I don't know.  If the injections in her back last fall didn't help--they never helped me--I don't know if the Cortisone shot will help either...but, it might for awhile---it's up to Pearl!!!

So--this woman is opinionated.  She will flat out tell you to your face if she thinks what you say or do is stupid or wrong.  She can be so wrong about something, but will not listen to anyone who tries to inform her.

She got mad at me because I wouldn't go out shopping with her because I wanted to watch the NCAA basketball tournament when MSU was playing--she hates basketball.  BUT--she won't move from her chair when the World Series is on TV--she loves baseball. 

She repeatedly yells at me because I drink Diet Pepsi and it isn't good for me.  Yet, she will sit in her chair and eat half a bag of chocolate and complain that she is eighty pounds overweight.  Her doctor told her to walk and exercise and lose weight to help her arthritis--she won't--just sits in her chair.  I ask her to go out with me for a "short" walk--she won't.  I say, "but you need to walk to keep your joints working."  "I don't care," she says and then complains because she can't walk from the handicapped parking spot to the door of Wal-Mart.  She thinks I'm a snob because I don't like shopping at The Salvation Army.  She goes at least twice a week. She orders all that stuff on the TV ads--gets it--it doesn't work and she throws it out.  She spends huge amounts of money that she can't afford on the TV infomercial junk.  Her hubby gets frustrated and keeps his mouth shut.

She won't go shopping at Wal-Mart with me anymore because, "you left me in the store!"  Because, when we first got there we agreed where we would meet.  She went out the wrong door.  I looked for her on the bench because she had finished before me--she wasn't there, so I thought perhaps she was in the car, so I went out.  Pretty soon--I see her standing way down the way at the opposite door--so I drove down and picked her up.  "Why did you leave me in the store?  I am never going shopping with you again!"

"I didn't see you waiting on the bench, so I thought you were in the car.  You came out the wrong door."

"What bench are you talking about.  Didn't we come in this door?"

"No--we came in the retail door--this is the grocery door. There is a bench down by that door--you know, by the pharmacy.  We agreed to sit and wait on it--whichever one of us got done first."

"I didn't agree to sit on any bench!"

Okay..........................

BUT--- she would give you the shirt off her back.  She came down to my house every morning for 6 weeks and fed my cats and cleaned the litter box-while I was in hospital, rehab and after I got home with my hip surgery.  She checks every morning to see if my bathroom blinds are up--so that she knows that I am awake.  If they are still closed by 9:30--she is on the phone seeing if I am all right.  She has a key to my house in case she needs to get in--in case I'm dead in bed or out, flat on the floor.  I have to beep my horn when I go by her place on the way to anywhere and beep when I return, or she gets worried.  One day, I forgot, and she called me.  When I didn't answer the phone--she walked down here before she realized my car was not in the driveway.  If she knows I am going to Wal-Mart, when I beep on the way back, she sends her hubby down to carry in my heavy stuff.  Needless to say, I call and tell her every time I am going anywhere!!!

It is nice to know someone is looking out for me--even if she thinks I'm weird.

Even if she goes through the exact same routine every time she gets in my car.

"Dammit--your doors are so stiff to open!"

"Oh--dammit, why is your seat buckle so hard to get in?"

"Turn on the air (or heat)--I'm too hot (or cold.)"          
all this before we get out to the street.

"Why are you driving so fast?"     
well--the speed limit is 50 and I am going 46.

"Turn the air (or heat) down--I'm too cold (or hot.)"

"Watch out for that car!"

"I hate your shoulder strap--I'm unbuckling it!" 
if I get pulled over, you are paying the fine.

I rode with her...once.  She narrowly missed taking out two mail boxes in the park on our way out to the road.  She drives in the right lane with her two outside wheels, often on the shoulder because, "One of those cars could hit us head on!"  She drives 35 in a 50 mph zone.  People blow their car horns at her.  "Boy," she says.  "It sure is noisy out here today."

When she parked--she took up two spaces.  Sort of parked over the dividing line and kitty corner-wise. When I noticed I said, "You might have to get back in and re-park the car.  You've taken up two spaces."

"I don't care, they can just find another space.  I don't want someone banging their door into my car."

Her car is 16 years old, rusted out and I don't think anyone would notice if it got a new ding in the door..  Besides, she uses the handicapped slots and you know how wide they are?  She takes up TWO!!!  That is why--I drive when we go together!!

She is crotchety.  She is blunt!  She is a hoot.  I love, Pearl!!!
==========================================
I heard his call and saw him--finally!  I haven't seen one in 15 years.  A Baltimore Oriole!!  He and his mate came back for lunch--I tried to get a picture, but the batteries were dead!  He came back just a few minutes ago and I finally got him.

He seems to prefer the orange to the grape jelly.  It is an off brand of

jelly--he probably is a connoisseur and prefers Welch's?

I sat down to eat my supper and this is the view that greeted me across the room.  This picture of Buddy just cracks me up!!

He's on his way to a nap in the early evening sun.

Maggie couldn't care less about napping.  Not when there are

red squirrels and birdies to watch.  Her jaw quivers--she just wants

to get out there, bite off their little heads and drink their blood!!!

Have a great weekend--I hope you aren't in the storm/tornado area!!!

A Nice Thursday

Pearl and I have been having this running argument for a couple of weeks.  We drove by a really pretty pink tree/bush with tulip shaped flowers and I said, "I love Tulip trees."  It looked like this.

Pearl says, "That's not a Tulip Tree, that's a Magnolia Tree."

I said, "I had one--it's still in Pammie's yard and when the kids got it for me, the tag said, Tulip Tree."

"Well, the tag was wrong!"

So, I decided not to argue, because it is fruitless to argue with Pearl.  She knows everything.  Her way is the only way.  I still love her!!!

So, when we got home from the animal control, where we spent an hour looking for a cat and all she did was scare them and they swatted at her, I got on the Internet, typed in Tulip Tree and up came the above image.  So then I typed in Magnolia Tree and up came this image.

So I walked down to Pearl's because I had some left over Miracle-Gro potting soil and she needed some for her pots and I showed her the print outs and the explanations.

"I found this on the Internet. They say THIS is a Magnolia Tree."  Showing her the above photo.

"Well, the Internet is wrong!" she says.

I say, "Pearl---you are telling me that the Internet--the World Wide Web search is incorrect?"

"Yes!"

"But--it's like the biggest encyclopedia in the world!"

"I don't care--it's wrong.  You can't believe anything you see on the Internet."  (She who can't figure out how to get into Face Book to play games.)

So--I'm feeling a bit snotty because I know, Pearl has to see it in front of her to believe.

"C'mon--get in the car.  I am taking you on an adventure."

So I got get my car, she hops in and I drive across the road to the nursery.   

"Why are we going in here, I already got all my flowers!"

"Just come along, I gotta see something."  So I lead her out into the nursery part--where all the trees are.  A clerk comes up and says, "May I help you ladies?"

"Yes," I say, "Can you show us what kind of Tulip Trees you have left."

So we follow along behind him and he points out a smallish tree, about four feet high and, thankfully, it still has three blooms on it and......it looks like the pink picture up above.

"That's NOT a Tulip Tree," says Pearl.  "That is a Magnolia Tree!  Tulip Trees are very tall and have yellowish, cup shaped blooms!"

This poor young man realizes that there is trouble in the air.

"Ah--I don't know about that ma'am--but this is a Tulip Tree," and he shows her the tag.  "but It IS related to the Magnolia," he says.

So Pearl turns and starts walking away, I thank him, run after her to get to the car first so I can turn it on and get the A/C running and off we go back home.

So, this morning at exactly 9:02 Pearl is at my door.  I am just getting up and in she comes with her gardening book.  She opens it up and says,  "THIS is a Tulip Tree--dammit!"  and shows me this picture.

"See how the blooms look like Tulips?"

"Yes," I groggily say, "but so do the pink blooms on MY tulip tree.  They look like a cup almost. But neither one looks like the picture of the Magnolia Tree.  That looks almost like a Gardenia flower."

So she leaves because I have to get ready to drive up to lunch with my Gal Pals.  When I get home, Pearl comes toddling down with a piece of paper in her hand.  "I got my computer turned on and went to Google and typed in Tulip Tree and look what I found." and she shows me a whole page she has printed out.

These are all listed under Tulip Trees.

So we have decided that we won't argue anymore and when we talk about Tulip Trees--which I hope we never do again--she will say "The yellow Tulip Tree," and I will say, "My pink Tulip Tree."  Then she said, "I'm still going to call the pink ones Magnolia Trees!"

"Okay."  Too funny!!!

====================================

So, I got to visit my sister today and see a bit more.  She got her new refrigerator and her granite counter tops are coming tomorrow.  She has arranged the new family room a bit more.

View from family room and entryway into kitchen

Family room

See the dough box Bethie gave her?  Susan loves it!!!!

================================

One last thing--on Face Book, I have an extremely Liberal "friend"--I have only seen her twice in my entire life, but she is on my "friends" list.  Don't you love Face Book?  You have all these "friends" you never see--nuts really.  This friend ONLY posts links on her page.  So when I open FB in the morning, here are 4-7 political links all down my first page.  All very negative against Conservatives, of course.  I went in and blocked that--I only want to see what she posts about what she is doing or what is going on in her life--I don't see any of those posts, so apparently nothing much is going on in her life.

I have to be careful and not post anything against her points of view or she will comment under my post some snarky thing and likes to engage me in a "discussion", which of course I can never win, because it is impossible.  She of course can post anything she wants, but I am not allowed the same privilege.  I find politically extreme people to be that way.  They preach tolerance, but they rarely practice it.  She is so far to the Left, you'd need binoculars to see her.  I have a Conservative friend who is that same way--waaaaay out there to the right and intolerant.  They both drive me nutz!

So tonight I see a nice link--a passage from the Bible about not worrying--to ask God for all your needs--which I need to remember on a daily basis, and I shared it on my page.

To me it is kind of the like the passage from Matthew that tells us to "take no worry for the morrow".

This was her comment.

"This sounds like all those people the Republicans hate...the homeless...those on welfare...etc."

I'm thinking, "What?"

I responded to her--I knew when I was typing my reply that I shouldn't be engaging her at all!!  I should have said, "What does your comment have to do with not worrying and asking God to fulfill your needs?"  I AM AN IDIOT!!!  You cannot win with people like this!!  Then of course, another of my more normal friends came on and commented and I could see there was going to be a war of words.  I just went in and deleted the whole dang post before that could happen!!!  How did I get so controversial?  

The other day I posted something about Benghazi and how I was worried that those people were killed and it appeared that help was nearby, but the order was never given for the F-15's to fly in and help.  Her comment was, "Remember all those people that were killed when Bush was President."  That time I did reply, "What does that have to do with Benghazi?"

Anyway--I have learned NEVER to comment on one of her posted links as if you differ in the least or even ask an innocent question, her Liberal friends will get on there and tell you how stupid you are.  That actually happened to me.  She has a couple of 20-something friends that like to say how stupid anyone is who might differ with their viewpoint.  Tolerance?  I think not!!!

So--from now on, if I post a prayer or a religious passage or anything like that AND she comments, which I know she will--I shall ignore her.  

Or--I will share a really ultra-right Conservative link just to rattle her cage!! Hee hee hee.

My life is sooooooo fun!!!

FANTASTIC!!!

One of the most fantastic days I have had in a very, very long time!!!!  But I will get to that in a minute.

I walked over to take some information to Dar and she got the call from the cancer center a day early.  NO MALIGNANCY!!!!!!!!!!!!  There is something in there, but it is not cancer!!!!!

I had my mammogram today--the tech said everything looked fine.  I got to look at the pictures--now that they use digital imaging.  Such an interesting thing--the breast.  Lots of capillaries and veins and milk ducts--I love this modern day technology.  I also got my chest x-ray--didn't get to look at those, but tech said it looked okay.  Last December when I was in the ER--they routinely do chest x-rays when you go to ER, the doc there said I had a nodule in my left lung.  I can only ASSUME the report was sent to my primary care doc and he never called, so..................but, since I am my own advocate and check out every report AND get the reports sent to me---I decided to get another chest view today, just to make sure it hasn't grown and the edges are still nice and smooth and it's small.

I think I have also diagnosed the severe dizzy spells I have been having for the last few months.  Monday I remembered that when I was in rehab, last year, my blood pressure got so low, I was taken off all my bp meds for four months.  So Monday--I started charting my bp--taking it four times a day--morning, noon, supper and bedtime.  The systolic number (upper) never got over 120 and the diastolic number (lower) never got over 52!!!  That my friends is why people faint when they stand up and walk a few steps!!! So--I stopped taking my bp meds.  I am on three--Lisinopril, Amlodapine, and a water pill--hydrochlorothiaizide.  I am continuing to monitor my bp 4 times a day, but yesterday I felt better and today great!  I have not had one dizzy spell in two days--I usually have several a day.  I think I've figured it out and when I see the doc next Thursday, I will hand him my report and see if he concurs.  Today my bp has been 117-122 over 55-57--so, it's getting better.

I have taken bp meds for 23 years--but recently I have lost a lot of weight and on a completely different diet--a lot of fresh veggies and fruit and perhaps--wouldn't that be something if I didn't have to take those meds?

=======================================

Now--this is what I did today!  The show is coming up!!

Planted my vegetable garden.  2 tomato plants and a hill of cucumber seeds in the middle.

A few strawberry plants still reside on the south end AND a Sun Impatiens in that triangular thingie.

 Here is the planter by my entrance.  The Fuchsia geranium, dark blue/purple Wave petunia,

and the Chartreuse vine. 

I decided to put the other one in my side yard.  The yard guy doesn't mow next to the

tree, he weed whips it, so it shouldn't cause him a problem when he mows my lawn.

This looks a big rugged right now--it sits at the end of my perennial garden.

The Rosea Vinca flowers and a trailing plant called Silver Falls, which

will grow into a beautiful long curtain of silver.

I got three railing planters this year.  They were quite popular

a few years ago, but I wasn't planting then.  I wanted them this

year and had a hard time finding them.

I put pea gravel in the "flanges" that hang on either side of the railing.

It has drainage holes, but I didn't want the dirt washing out and getting all

over my porch and porch skirting.

Each planter has a Vinca vine in the front and these flowers--

called Rosea Vinca.  I wanted Impatiens, but they aren't selling

them this year because of a mold disease that decimated the crop last year.

I hope these spread and fill in like an Impatiens.

I have a crock by the top step that is also filled with the Rosea Vinca

and a blue Wave petunia.  A pot at a small white table between the

two chairs has the same.

This is my side view--my spring flower garden, Forsythia, which is done

blooming and two Rose of Sharon bushes that won't bloom

until August.  Yes--my bird feeders are full--I feed the birds all year long.

I saw a hummer yesterday--his feeder above the others.

My Baltimore Oriole feeder is hanging on the other end--haven't

see a one yet!!

This helped make my day so fantastic--all the time I was working

on the front porch, I could inhale the Heavenly scent of Lilacs.

This is taken from my porch, toward my back porch.

The green bush in front of the Lilac, is a Weigela, which isn't

in bloom as yet.

It will look like this, when it blooms.

These two pictures were taken from my back porch.

The Lilac bushes are only about 18 inches from the railing.

All I have to do is open my kitchen window and the scent

fills the house.

One of the reasons I wanted this unit--even in December, I noticed

the Lilac bushes--they are one of my favorites.

I am so happy.  To think that exactly one year ago today--at this precise moment, I was sleeping--drugged on Percocet, Tramadol and probably a bit of Morphine--the night of my hip replacement surgery.  For the last four years I have not been able to garden--now I can.  Oh--not a lot--and I have to sit and rest about every half hour--but I AM DOING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you have never been in constant pain for four years--to the point where you were even unable to walk, and then recover and be (almost) whole again--you will never know why I call my surgery a miracle!  I know, we use that term a lot, but to me--I asked God, "Please, just let me be able to walk again," and look what He and a caring, fantastic orthopaedic surgeon gave me.  I just wish Freddy was here to see it--he would be sitting up on the porch, watching me dig, haul things in the wheelbarrow, and planting and he would be smiling from ear to ear!!!  

May 15th

This is kind of a sad day.  Today, my ex-husband is 75 years old.  He looks nothing like this picture, taken back on his birthday in 1962.  He is extremely fat--and bald.  His face is so fat you can hardly see his eyes--just kind of little slits.

Karen is having a party for him this week and I sent her this picture to print out for her Dad.

This is a picture of good times in my life.  Before the drinking.  Before the abuse.  Twenty years before the divorce.  How I wish I could be with "my" family to celebrate his 75th birthday.  How I wish it all were like it was back in those days.

Mark, Pam, baby Karen

We had only been married five years.  Such happy times.  <sigh>

======================================

On another kinda sad kinda--Monday I took Pearl to the Humane Society to get a cat.  She has a 4 year old male cat, but he doesn't like to be cuddled or sit on her lap.  Last fall I took her out hunting, but we didn't find anything she liked.  So--now she is determined--and if you knew Pearl--you know once she gets something in her mind, you just better fall in line and give her what she wants.

She said her hubby wasn't too fond of the idea, so when he was here a couple of weeks ago--helping me with 80# of bird seed, I told him.  ""Hey--if you don't want to go running all over the country looking for a cat--just tell Pearl you don't wanna and suggest I take her."  He smiled and gave me a thumbs up.

So Tuesday, I take her back to where Fred and I got Buddy and Maggie--the county animal control center. They keep animals for a certain number of months, but when the place gets too crowded, they will kill the less adoptable ones.  I have always felt I saved Buddy and Maggie's lives.  

I went to their website and printed out pictures of the kind of cat Pearl wants--so that when we went she would have some to look at and not have to go down every damn row of cages!!!  The place just tears me up and I can't stay in the cat room very long because I get so sad I start crying.  This from a farm girl that grew up never getting attached to any animal because it would soon be gone or run over by a tractor or something.

So we got there and told the workers the ones we wanted to look at.  Pearl wants a female--suppose to get along better then two males who will go around spraying urine all over everything to mark their territory.

She went to look at her first choice and I went down aways to look at her second choice--and I fell in love instantly.  

I put my hand up to the outside of the cage and she came over and rubbed against

it and purred and purred.  So sweet!

Pearl's 1st choice because this cat was born on her birthday.

She went over to Hayden's cage, open the door and stuck her hand inside and the cat nipped at her.  Then she shook her finger at it and it tried to claw her with it's front paw.  Pearl does that with my Maggie--shakes her finger in her face and wonders why Maggie, reaches out with her claws.  I have told Pearl repeatedly that "Maggie thinks you are playing with her--that's why she tries to grab your finger.", but she still does it. So I let her and when Maggie gets her with a claw and Pearl yells, I just say, "Told you so."

So I went up to Hayden's cage and Pearl walked down to Teddi's cage--the cat I have fallen in love with and hope she gets!

Hayden comes up to the cage door and I put my palm up against it and she rubs against me and purrs and purrs.  Meanwhile--Pearl opens up the door to Teddi's "home" reaches in and the cat trys to nip at her.  

So Pearl walks around to every damn cage--opens the door, sticks her hand in and either the cat slaps at her with their paw or tries to nip her.  "Why does every cat in here hate me?"

"Because you startle them.  You open up their cage and stick your hand in and they don't know you.  Just stand in front of them for awhile until they get used to your smell." I said.

So Pearl says, "Let's go home!"

So, I go back to Teddi's cage and put my hand up on the door and she rubs against me and I tell her goodbye and get tears in my eyes.  Then we walk out of the cat room.  Sigh.

Then one of the worker's comes up to me and says, "Didn't you adopt a couple of cats from us?  I remember your husband saying you had to get two cats--one for each lap."

"Yes--it will be two years on June 5th.  I'm surprised you remember."

"I remember," she says, "because I was in love with Capone (Buddy's shelter name) and I cried and cried when he left."

So, I haul out pictures I have of them--which I just happened to print out this morning and take with me just in case someone remembered.  Showed them to her and she just loved seeing how they have changed.

"Oh--look at Capone!  We knew he was going to be a large cat.  Oh--I gotta show these to Glenda, she loved Capone to.  The most relaxed cat we've ever had in here."

So--off she goes with the pictures and I step up to the receptionist desk--who also remembers Buddy and I write out a check for a donation.  The worker comes back, thanks me for bringing in the pictures and inquires after my husband's health and I have to tell her how he passed and how much love the cats have given me,  " Especially Buddy.  He shares my pillow every night-  He lays his little head right next to mine."

Pearl is already in the car, so I go out and get in.  Tears still in my eyes.  "What's the matter with you!?" she snaps.

"Oh--these places tear me up," I reply.  "I hate that they have to live in cages like that and if they aren't adopted, they will be killed."

"Well, with all the stray cats around--they will get more and more! "

"I so would love to go back in there and get Teddi, but....I can't afford another cat nor do I have the room."

"Well if she hadn't bit at me, I dah got her."

"Yes--but she was scared.  Once you get her home and she gets use to you, she would be such a loving cat--she's just so sweet. You'd have a real lap cat like you want.  I can tell by her nature."

"Oh just start the car and turn on the air--I'm hot!"

I bring her home, drop her off and come in and call my kids and they come running to me and I pet them and love on them and.............still can see Teddi's face.  You gotta admit, she is a beauty!

=======================

Update on Dar.  She went Monday for an ultra sound and another mammogram.  They sent her immediately down to the Big Hospital to have a biopsy.  They took out several "slices" from different areas of the mass.  The doctor there told her, "If I thought it was cancer, I'd tell you right now.  That's why they sent you here because we just can't tell.  I can't tell."  So, she should know the results by Thursday or Friday.  

I sure hope it's not cancer because she has no car and although I haven't told her I'd drive her to her treatments, I have thought to myself that I should.  BUT--just found out, she wouldn't get the first six weeks of treatment here--just up a mile to the cancer center, but have to go down to the Big Hospital every day for six weeks.  The Big Hospital--where Freddy died--and a long drive down the expressway.  But--if it comes to that, I will offer to help.  If her sister-in-law can take her a couple times a week and I can take her a couple times a week--I should be able to do it--don't you think?  

Okay--getting my mammogram and chest x-ray later today, then tomorrow, lunch with the gal pals and a visit with my sister on the way home.  I was going to plant my annuals yesterday, as we aren't suppose to get any more frost, but I got waylaid into running all over the county looking for a cat for my neighbor, LOL.

I think I will plant my veggies before the mammogram today.  Or after--or--I just want to get out there and plant something!!!