Calm Day

Another lovely day.  Gray, rainy, cold weather which makes for a perfect day to stay inside and do my thing, --didn't even open my eyes until 10:00am,  AND--I don't feel a bit guilty about that.

I spent about 3 hours on the genealogy and found a lot more stuff about my friends ancestors.  Then, I spent a couple of hours working on a cute Toddler sweater that Chris is designing and I am test knitting.

John stopped in tonight and we had a nice chat, while Maizey his dog and Maggie my cat, eyed each other and then took a snooze, nose to nose.  So cute.

I can hardly wait until Sunday and May 1st.  My favorite day of the year.  Of course, May 1st would be much more lovely if the weather would just warm up.  We are still below normal  highs and below normal lows.  48 during the day, 36 at night.

My porch side garden looks a bit spotty this year, but the wild flowers are coming on strong.  May Apples, Trillium, Violets.  Jack-In-The-Pulpit will come along around mid-May.

I like this one of Maggie hanging out in the computer room window the other day.  I like how she has her arm up on the window sill.  If her little legs were crossed, she'd almost look like a human.  LOL

I saw this posted on FB and I had to share.  You ALL know what this means and why it's true in my case.

and this one, entitled The Weight of Grief.

Sure describes it well, doesn't it.  My sister said she felt the rocks in her stomach.  I felt the rocks filling my head, after Fred died.  I couldn't think straight for weeks.  It's really difficult to try and get back up, when you are bowed low with this amount of weight.

Rainy, Gray, but I'm Feeling Content.

The weeks are going much too fast!  Friday tomorrow--again.  It seems like it was just Friday a couple of days ago.

The weather has been so stinking cold all day and tomorrow too, so I am just staying inside and doing what I do best.  Knitting and genealogy.  At 5:00 this evening, I realized I hadn't brought up my trash can--that was emptied at 7:00 this morning.

I got my hair cut yesterday, and the girl that did it charged me what Tracy would have, which is about $15.00 less than the salon usually charges.  I don't get why women would pay $45-50.00 to get a hair cut.  Anyway, with that price staying the same, I will continue to go back there AND she cut my hair nice and short, just like I like it.  Tracey always wanted to leave it a bit longish.  I like it an inch or less all over.

I told Julia, the girl who cut my hair that the last time I was in, when I went to check-out, the reception asked me if I wanted to make another appointment and Tracy said, "Oh.  She doesn't need to do that. She'll call when she's ready."  That seemed odd at the time because I usually always make an appointment 6 weeks out.  

"T think Tracy knew then that she was sick," I told Julia.

"Yes.  She's known for a couple of months that something was wrong, but only when the pain in her right side became unbearable, she decided to get it checked out."

The Cancer started in her left upper lung and then metastasized to her liver (which is on the right side). She was very tired and lost over 20 pounds very quickly.  Both signs of cancer, plus the pain.  She now weighs 86 pounds.  She doesn't have enough weight or strength to fight this, I don't think.  She was to see the oncologist today.  

I will wait to send her an e-mail this weekend.  I don't know what to say, so I won't say much, but apparently it won't be a bother to her as she left cards with her address and e-mail, at the receptionist's desk to give to her customers.

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I stopped in to see Pearl and let her know about Tracy, as she went there too.  Pearl is really getting confused.  She is at that stage of senility, when she says  nonsensical things or the wrong thing and if I correct her, she gets mad and tells me I didn't hear her right because I'm deaf.

I was working on her computer--again--she claimed she had been hacked.  She had somehow installed a registry cleaner, she claims she didn't click on anything, but...................There was a picture of two of her great grand children on FB.

I said, "Oh look.  There's Kathy's two grand babies. What's the youngest ones name?"

She replied, "The oldest one is Colon."

(His name is Colton.)

I turned so I could see and hear her better.  "Colon?", I enunciated very clearly. 

"Yes, that's what I said.  Colon."

"What is the youngest ones name."

"Oh--that's Naomi."

"It looks like a boy."

"Oh,  Yes.  Easton."

"I thought the oldest ones name was Colton."

"It is.  That's what I said."

"No...you said his name was Colon.  You repeated Colon twice."

"I did not.  You better get a hearing aide.  You can't hear a thing I say!"

I forgot the 1st cardinal rule of senility--don't argue with them.  ARGGH!  It's sad!

Got the Turbo Cleaner uninstalled and uninstalled a couple of other programs that have appeared since the last time I worked on her computer.  All is well--until the next time.

BTW--Merle is working at the golf course again this summer.  He is doing so well!!!  His kids don't think he should work. Pearl wants him out of the house.   Merle loves to have something to do every day to feel useful.

Whatever...none of my business.

The Faster I Go..............

......the behinder I get!

Is today only Tuesday?  I guess I'm doing okay then.

Yesterday was a nice day.  Sunny and warm.  I spent a good amount of time outside.  Don the Lawn Mowing Man came at 9:00 and my lawn looks so nice.  I got bird feeders filled, the Oriole one filled and up along with the Hummingbird feeder.  Back in the day, the Scouts for the Orioles and Hummers didn't even appear until May 15th.  Now, with the crazy winters we have had, they can arrive in April...so I am ready for them.

I ran up to Howell, and the minutes I got back home, remembered what I had forgotten to get and also forgot to turn in my 3 garbage bags of pop bottles!

I spent a great part of yesterday, working on the genealogy book.  I liked to make pedigree tables on Excel spreadsheets, showing just the direct ancestor's, with their birth and death dates.  It is easier to look at them and see the names and how far back the ancestor's can be traced.

This genealogy was so extensive, and with so many families, I had to make a spread sheet for each individual family.

One of the families went back 25 generations!!!!!  After I get them all placed and spaced our correctly, I print out the spreadsheets.  Then with the longs ones, I cut and paste them together and then take them to the printer to have them printed out on Architect paper--which comes in long lengths.

They have to be 11" to fit inside the book, but can be as long as needed.

I was tuckered out and went to bed at 10:30 last night.
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This morning, I got a message that my prescription was ready at Walmart.  So, I went down to the printer's with my spread sheets to be copied, then ran up to Walmart to get my prescription and turn in my bottles, then back to the printer's to get my print-outs.

Got home and put the book together, with the ancestor spread sheets inserted in the correct spaces.  Then, back to the printer's to have them punch, bind and insert the comb on the book.

Back home to get it ready to ship.  My "client's" Dad is going to be 103 years old on May 15th, and the kids are going to be with him on May 8th, so I wanted to get it shipped---just to be sure it would get there in time.

The book I made is of just his ancestor's.  Now, I can start on researching her mother's ancestor's and combine both sides of the family in a book for her.
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Today is was cold!  I mean like in the 40's cold and tomorrow too.  It was a good day to stay inside and do computer work.

I called this afternoon to make an appointment for a hair cut tomorrow--looong overdue.

When I asked for an appointment with Tracy, the receptionist said, "Tracy isn't working right now."

"Oh.  When will she be back?"

"We don't know.  She was just diagnosed with liver cancer."

I was hit in the stomach!  I didn't know what to say.  I have had her for the 13 years I've lived here.  Every time she moved to a different salon, I followed her.  She is only 55, with two brand new grand babies!

"Would you like her e-mail to get in touch with her?"

"I....sure....no....I don't....I can't think....  I'll get it tomorrow when I come in."

"Okay.  We have you with Julie at two forty-five.  She is our short hair specialist."

"Thanks."

I'm still stunned.  I think I need to find a different salon because every time I go in there, I will be reminded of Tracy and this tragedy.  I WILL contact her via e-mail.  What do you say?

Amazing.

Karen's youngest and my Precious Girl, Madeleine, was asked to do a photo shot in Grand Rapids--a city over on the west side of our State.

Peace--Fun--Chaos

Shut my clock radio off last night and woke up to my Cuckoo Clock chirruping at 9:00.  Perfect!

Had a nice morning, in front of my computer, then a ham sammich, watched my Soap and then at 2:00, got a list made and up to Brighton I drove.

I had a ball!  

To Staples first, had to get a new Tri-Color inkjet cartridge,  Then out and across the street to the Bank, to put the cash I have saved into the checking account so I can finally get the last major repair done on my car.

Out on the street and across the main drag to Michael's/JoAnn's hunting for a skein of gray yarn.

Left there and traveled down to the end of that mall area and across the main drag into the Meijers gas station ($2.09), $20.00 nearly filled the tank, and then over to the Meijer's store.

My food allowance card was loaded up with the $15.00 a month I get and I was out of milk, meat, bread and Diet Pepsi, so I got that and then went up to the front of the store and decided to go through Darlene's line.  I had under 10 products and could have gone through the fast lane, but.............

My Lord!!  She yaks to every customer and takes forever to check them out!!!  She has always told me her line was the longest in the store because so many customers like her.  I think her line is the longest because she is the slowest, but that's just my opinion.

Thankfully my total came to $13.89--enough on the Welfare Card to cover that.  YAY.

I stopped at Subway on the way home to use my Gift Card.

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I got home and unloaded everything.  Nice and relaxed and smiling at how much fun it had been today to run all over Brighton, and how I had planned my "travel" so I made no back-tracks and didn't have to turn left, only to come home and that was at a left turn light.  Feeling pretty smug.

Had half my Subway and watched the news and then---all heck broke out!!

Dar came busting in the door, lit up her cigarette, and started in on her tirade.  She only got about three minutes into her rant and there was a knock at the door.  It was John and Maizey.

John had brought me two Blueberry Muffins he got at Costco--giant things they are and really good.  Maizey wanted her treat of course, and John and Dar got to talking.

It was kind of funny actually.  Both of them talk a blue streak and they were talking over each other, because they are those kinds of people, so I just sat in my chair, giving Maizey her Cheerios's for her treat and listened.  Or tried to listen and sometimes, just blanked John and Dar out!!  They were talking about all the management jobs they have held and each one reported on how good they were at their job!

This went on for about 35 minutes and John had said something Dar didn't agree with and she was trying to expound on her theory, and then just, not so casually, jumped up and decided to go home.  Well, of course, the minute she was gone, John decided it was time for him to leave too.  She acted ticked-off when she left, John was clueless, as usual.  HAH.

I think she was perturbed because she didn't have a chance to finish her rant to me AND she didn't care for John talking so much, interrupting her, as she interrupted him, on and on.

What a hoot!

I fed my cats at 9:00 and now it is peaceful and quiet again.

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Tomorrow I want to clean up my porch, fill up the bird feeders, take down the squirrel feeder and haul my planters to the spots I want for this summers annuals.

It promises to be a nice, sunny weekend.

Past Life & Past Lives

I have never felt the presence or had a dream about my Father.  He was rather cruel to me for the first 68 years of my life.  He died 8 years ago.  I rarely even think of him.

I do have nightmares of some man trying to hit me and I wake up kicking and yelling, but I always thought those nightmares were of my second ex husband, who tried to kill me twice in the three years I was with him, and when not trying to kill me, was extremely abusive emotionally and physically.  I suppose the "unseen" man could be my Father?

I get into trouble when I have those dreams.  Two weeks ago, I bit the inside of my cheek when I had that dream--it is always the same dream.  The time before that, as I kicked out, I sent Maggie the Cat flying off the bed and on her exit, she dug her claws in deep on my shin.  I was up for an hour, trying to get the bleeding to stop.

One time, I flayed out and knocked the lamp and radio off my bedside table, another time, fell off the side of the bed, trying to get into the corner to save myself.  Down on the floor and fully awake, I had a heck of a time getting back up.  HAH.

It has been explained to me that these nightmares come from deep in the sub-conscious.  Something we have buried and don't even thing about during our normal day activities.  Then, when we get into deep sleep, our sub-conscious kicks in and brings these things up.  Usually they are from unresolved issues.  I have forgiven my Father, that's why I don't think the "unseen man" is him.  I thought I was over thinking about my second ex, but in reality, I never could find out why he treated me as he did.

He has been married 7 times to date.  I have met 4 of his exes and although he abused them emotionally, he never laid a hand on them.  Hm-mm.  Not a nice thing to say, but I just wish he'd die and I check the obits every day to see if it has happened yet.  He's 87!  How long is that awful person going to live?  Maybe when I know he is gone, the nightmares will end?
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I had an appointment at the food bank this late morning.  The shelves were quite bare.  I needed hamburger--none.  I wanted a bag of salad greens--none.  

After wards, I headed up to the Homestead.  Stopped in to see Pammie before she left for work, then on up the road and checked at my son's place--his truck was gone, then on down the road to Susan & Chuck's.

Susan has let her hair go natural and she has pure white hair--just like our Mother's father.  It is beautiful  AND  she got it cut real short.  I mean short.  Shorter than mine!  She has worn a chin-length Bob for years and years and this cut makes her look so much younger.  She is just adorable and Chuck loves it!!

I got home around 5:00 and jumped on the computer to work more on the genealogy I am doing.  The lady's father will be 103 on May 7th and I want to get his side of the family done, printed and put together so I can mail it off and she can give it to him.  

It is a really good genealogy.  In that, I mean I have traced part of his family back to when William the Conqueror was King!!  That would be in the 1066!

That takes time to get all that info, and then write it down, so I just stayed in here and did my thing.  John showed up around 7:30 and I told him I was busy and didn't have time to stop and chat.  

He'll be back tomorrow and by then, I will be ahead of the game and can stop and talk.

Now, I'm so geared up by my find that I will find it hard to sleep.  So--off to play some games on Face Book and then bed.

Signs and Visions

Speaking of signs.........

My Grandma died in October 1966.  We moved into her house in June 1967.  She had designed that house and stayed there until her death.

A month or so later, (we slept in her bedroom), I woke up in the middle of the night and she was standing at the foot of our bed, with her house dress and apron on and she was smiling.  

I was so happy to see her and I nudged my husband to wake him up.

"Gary.  Gary!  Grandma's here.  Wake up!", but the minute he opened his eyes and I looked back at Grandma, she was gone.

My son Mark swore he could smell her perfume, upstairs in his bedroom.

On New Year's Eve that year, we went out and my sister Susie was baby sitting.  She was sitting in our living room.  She heard something and thought it was one of the kids sneaking down from upstairs.  She turned and looked into the dining room and saw someone slip through the door into the kitchen.  She thought she saw the tail end of one of the girls, in their nightgown.

Susie got up and walked to the other side of the living room to go into the kitchen and scare the girls.  When she got into the kitchen, no one was there.  So she did the "circuit".  Through the kitchen, into the dining room, into the living room.  No one.

Then she crept upstairs and checked the kids bedrooms.  They all were fast asleep.

We figured it was Grandma, just checking to make sure we were all right.

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My best friend Arlene, loved Lady Bugs.  If she found one in the house, she'd carry it outside and blow it off her finger, so it could "fly away home."

She fought ovarian cancer for four and a half years.  A long time to "survive" that kind of cancer.  She kept going through all the awful chemo treatments, surgeries and radiation--just to "get more years with the grand kids."

Her grand daughter Amanda was engaged.  They were going to be married in Florida, but changed the location. They were going to be married at Arlene's daughter's home, so it would be easier for Grandma to attend.  Arlene was able to go shopping with them for the wedding dress and figured she would be strong enough to attend the wedding.

She fought on and on, but didn't make it and died five months before the wedding.

The day of the outdoor wedding, the photographer was there early to take pre-wedding photos of the bride.  Amanda was standing by a Magnolia Tree Arlene had given her daughter when she was first married.

They adjusted Amanda's veil and just then the photographer noticed something.  A Lady Bug was caught in the veil.  The photographer didn't know of the significance so went to brush the Lady Bug away.

Arlene's daughter yelled, "Stop!"  Then went over to Amanda, took the Lady Bug gently off her veil, and she and Amanda held it up to the breeze and said, "Fly away home."

We all felt that Arlene HAD made it to her grand daughter's wedding after all.

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When my Mother went into the hospital, the first time she had ever been in a hospital, and "they" were running all sorts of painful tests, trying to come up with a diagnosis, she was laying in bed, with her back turned toward the door.

She was frightened and exhausted.  All of a sudden she felt the weight of some one's hand on her right shoulder.  She thought it was a nurse or the doctor.  Just as she went to turn, she heard her Father's voice say, "I'm here, Dorathy.  Everything is going to be all right."  Her Father had died the year before.

She turned quickly to see him, but she said, "No one was there.  I KNOW I felt the weight of a hand on my shoulder and I KNOW I heard Papa's voice."

That whole next year, while she was off and on sick and the last week when she knew she was dying, she was not the least bit afraid.  Still making jokes and smiling, right up to her last hour.

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I have never told anyone this, but when I was 12 years old, after supper one nice summer night, I ran out the back door and walked across the driveway, headed out to the cow barn to see the new kittens.  All of a sudden, I stopped and for some unknown reason, turned and looked to the western sky.  There was a bank of clouds and Jesus was standing in them.  He had on a purple robe, with His hands stretched toward me, palms open and extended.  

Something like this, only just the upper half of Him and in purple.

I wasn't scared, I just stood and stared for what seemed like a long time, but probably only a few seconds.  Then I ran back into the house and kitchen to tell Mother.  She was standing at the west facing kitchen sink, washing supper dishes.

"Mother?  I just saw Jesus standing in the clouds and He was smiling at me."

She glanced up and looked out the window and said, "Oh.  That was nice, Honey."

Like it was an everyday occurrence or something!

I can still see that vision as if it happened 10 minutes ago, except now, I am standing off a bit, looking at my young self, while she looks at Jesus in the clouds.

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I was about 45 and had to have a D&C.  I was scared witless!  I was waking up and I could hear my Mother singing, "How Great Thou Art", so I started singing with her and laughing.  I was so happy to hear her voice.

Just then, a nurse came up to me and said, "Well, you sure are happy."

I tried to open my eyes and focus on her--there were two of her.

"Huh?" I said.

"I said, you sure are happy.  You're singing at the top of your lungs and laughing and laughing.  We all are getting a kick out of you!"

I was in the recovery room with a lot of other patients and I guess I was causing quite a stir.

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After I had my last hip replacement, that first night, when I was in a lot of pain, I had drifted off and I saw Fred sitting in the chair beside my bed.  He had died five months earlier.  We were talking and I was laughing out loud at something (can't remember what) he had said.

Just then, a nurse came into the room, turned on a side light and said, "Who are you talking too and what's so funny?"

I opened my eyes and said, "What?"

She said, "We heard you talking and laughing and wondered what's so funny in here?"

I said, "Oh, Fred and I were just talking."

She said, "Fred?  You don't have anyone staying with you tonight.  There's no one in here."

I put my right arm out and pointed over to the chair and then turned my head to see him.

"Oh.  I thought my husband was sitting in that chair.  No.  I must have been dreaming.  He's been dead for five months now."

"It's probably the pain meds giving you hallucinations."

"Yeah, probably," I said.

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Last April when I was in hospital for my A Fib, I had to have a cardio version.  They put you in Twilight Sleep with Versed or Fentanyl and then zap your heart back into normal sinus rhythm.  I have had both drugs before for oral surgery and when I had the shots put in my back at the pain clinic so I wasn't a bit afraid, but....I did mention that my Fred had died when they put him under with Fentanyl to insert a ventilator.

They assured me that it wouldn't happen to me, but I said, "Well, we just never know do we?  But, I'm not afraid a bit.  Whatever happens is okay with me.  I'm ready to go--so if I do, don't feel bad."

They laughed.

"Shoot me up--byeeeeee."

A second later, (probably 15 minutes), I heard the nurse say, "Well, you're back and you're laughing.  What's so funny?"

I didn't tell her, but just before I heard her voice, I was following Jesus, trying to catch up with Him.  Just before I got to Him, He stopped and turned, put His hands up as if to stop me and smiled, then turned and kept walking.

"Oh," I said to her.  "I'm just feeling great and happy."

"Well, you should feel great.  Your heart is back in normal sinus rhythm and you can go home tomorrow morning!"

That wasn't why I was smiling and laughing.  I saw Him and He smiled and let me know I was to stay here.

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What is so weird about all of these things?  Raised in a Christian home and NONE of us believe in signs or the presence of passed loved ones.  I especially believe that when a soul gets to Heaven, it is so wonderful there, that soul has no interest in what is happening back here in this world.  They have passed through "the door", as if giving birth to the next part of their "life".  IF souls are capable of visiting us, it is because they are not at rest as yet, and are kind of stuck between here and there.  My sister and I have NEVER "seen" our Mother.

Visions of seeing Jesus I can believe in.  He can do anything!

And yet, I saw my Grandma standing at the foot of that bed, as plain as day.  My sister saw "something" as plain as day.  My Mother heard her Father's voice, as plain as day.  I saw Fred sitting in that chair, as plain as day.

Because I don't believe in these sorts of things, it just makes it harder to admit these have happened. I want to know!  Are they real?  Was it the drugs? Why would souls of passed loved ones come back as a bug or a butterfly!  I don't believe in reincarnation and if it were true, the passed soul would come back as a person, right?

We just don't know, do we?  My head aches from trying to figure out something that is unfigureoutable!

At least very time it happened to me, I was happy and laughing.