Never Much of a Fad Follower..........

Adult coloring books are the newest fad.  Intricate designs and lovely coloring pencils.  "They" say it is a great way to relax.  I'll just bet my sister would love them.  

Me?  

Not so much.  It wouldn't be relaxing for me!  Can you imagine--me with my "perfectionist" personality and my shaky right "coloring" hand?  GOOD GRIEF!!!  I'd probably have a nervous breakdown!

Years ago, a friend wanted me to take a cake decorating class.  "It will be fun," she said.  "Think of all the money we will save, making our own cakes for family parties."

Fun?  Out of two dozen pink roses, I may have made one that actually looked like a rose.  The rest looked like some sort of pink puff-ball flower unknown to botanists.

Save money?  By the time she purchased all the pans, supplies, flower pins, on and on, I could have ordered birthday cakes for all my kids for the rest of their lives, and spent less.  So--I ordered them from her--to help pay for her decorating supplies.

I am not into intricate!  Well--I am, but not the above kind.

I can sit for hours, cross stitching.  These take three months to make: 

or these baby crib quilts

Or crocheting.  I am almost done with the Queen Sized blanket.

Or testing a new, knitted intricate design for Chris.

To me--this is fun.  Cake decorating is tedious.  Coloring would be nerve wracking.   

Maybe it's because with the X-stitch, crochet, knitting, I can sit in my recliner, feet up, cats snuggled in and listen to the TV and just get something done while being lazy? That's probably it.  

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Today is my grandson Stephen--Karen's 4th child, 22nd birthday.  Like Helene and Marcus (Susanna and Maddie had no interest), his goal was to grow taller than Gramma.  Helene is as tall, Marcus is 6'2" and Stephen made it!!  6'4" and still growing.  

Now, in his Senior year at Michigan State, and going into Medical School next fall.  Who would have ever imagined!

 10 years old              

13th birthday--still chubby

Christmas       16th year

Karen has a tape on the wall to measure the kids.

The highest mark on the tape was my height.

Stephen passed it on his 16th birthday.

Eagle Scout--17 years old

High School Graduation               

Freshman year at MSU.

ESPN showed him to the world!

YIKES!!

2015--Tall and lean and handsome as can be

...and the most important--polite, considerate, nice, compassionate, conservative, Catholic man--because, after all--he is Karen's child!

Fiddle Dee Dee

Cold, but sunny each day this week.  

The spurt of energy and the lifting of the depression I felt last week...lasted two days.  That's it.

I have absolutely NO motivation to do anything.  I go to bed at Midnight and if I don't set my alarm, I sleep until 10:30.  I'm tired.  Just tired.  Not physically tired, that would be impossible because I do nothing, but I suppose emotionally tired?

So many people I know have had the NASTY BUG!  The cold/flu, whatever it is, where they feel so miserable for weeks, then the cough for more weeks and then the awful tiredness.  I don't have that excuse.

I am NOT going to the Old School Gal Pals luncheon tomorrow.  #1--it is being held in a place some distance from here.  #2-it is being held in a really (to me) deplorable restaurant in a small, caution light only, town.  #3-my 2nd ex occasionally eats lunch there and although it would probably perk me up to see him and stare darts at him or go over and introduce myself to his now wife with a, "Hi.  I'm Judy.  Don's fourth wife--I think fourth.  Aren't you his seventh?"  I just don't have the energy after all that to come home and spend the rest of the day on my knees, asking God to forgive me for my nastiness.

I AM going up to The Farm on Friday, to have lunch and spend the afternoon with my Lil' Sis.  We shall play a game and it will be a great day.

Other than that?  I am the most boring person I know

Tonight, I have determination to get up in the morning and clean up this place, dust and vacuum and wash my bedding.

Tomorrow morning, that determination may be buried, along with the junk in the corner of my bedroom.

I almost wish I were on the East Coast where I could get excited about the expected blizzard.  At least, that would be something.

Yawn!  

Very Nice

Jen, Helene and Maddie picked me up at 7:30.  It was snowing like crazy and so we just went up the road about half a mile to a plain, regular restaurant.

Were we in for a surprise!!

The restaurant, taken over by new owners two weeks ago.  Going to be an Italian restaurant.  We were the only customers.  The owner came out and served us.  A true Italian.  Flirtatious, New Yorker.

My grand girls didn't know what they wanted, nor did Jen so he said, "Let me make you a pasta dish.  A real Italian pasta dish."  They all agreed--I had Shrimp.

Out he came from the kitchen and with a flourish he sat the large pastas dishes in front of them.  They took a taste and all three looked like they had been transported to Heaven!!!  Apparently it was so good.  Jennifer was jabbering to him in Italian and making all sorts of hand gestures.  His face just lit up.

Good grief!  You would have thought we were in Italy, the way they all went on.  Even my grand girls know some Italian words.  Helene and Maddie have been to Italy, Jennifer has traveled all over Europe.  I sat there, dumb like the plain, old farm girl I am.

I don't care for white sauce or chicken and that is what the pasta dish consisted of.  He said that he wanted to make me a pasta dish with Marsala sauce, but I was busily munching on my over fried Shrimp, so I declined.

Oh my!  He was gorgeous--with his really tanned skin, big brown eyes, dark hair with gray around the edges and accent!!  Be still my heart.  Jennifer asked him if he and his family were moving here.  He said, "My children are all grown and I am divorced."  She nudged my foot under the table.  Good Grief!  He probably is in his sixties.  

I hope he does well with this restaurant, but I doubt it.  There is another Italian restaurant in Brighton that everyone goes too.  It WAS good 15 years ago, but now you need a steak knife to cut the Lasagna, it is so rubbery.  But, you know how people are.  They will keep going to a restaurant just because it's been in town so long--even if the food is no longer all that great.  We are such Provincials!!

Jennifer said the kids have adjusted to the move better than she has.  She still misses her "home".  Apparently the area they are building their home in is quite upscale--Union Township--out in the country a bit, but with excellent schools.  12-15 students in each class room.  

Andrew is in the accelerated class, Elise has already been invited to a birthday party.  Alex has made 10 friends and of course, Little Boy Evan doesn't care--except he cries a lot because he misses Aunt Pammie.

It was a lovely couple of hours tonight.

2016 Might be a decent year after all-----

E-Mail from Jennifer:
"Hey Mom -- I'm taking Helene and Maddie out to dinner on Monday.  Would you like to join us?  It may be 6'ish --I have to check everyone's schedules, if that isn't too late for you.  We can pick you up, and you can decide where we go.  Thx."

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Ups and Downs

One thing about life.  It is in a continual flux of change.  

You are up one day and the next, you could be out on the street.  Feeling great one day, die in your sleep that night.  Feeling healthy as a horse on a Friday, cancer diagnosis on the next Monday.  

The only thing that doesn't change in life, is change.  The only constant in life, is change.

I have two "friends" that died in their sleep on Christmas Eve morning.  Hard on the family, easy for the deceased.  Apparently, neither one had been or was sick.  Pam had seen one of them the day before in the store.

Another friend, worried about her brother, with the cancer diagnosis.  Surgery and the doctor's "think" they got it all.  Which no doubt they did, but they never give you a 100% guarantee, because one teeny, tiny little cell could have gotten loose and...........................but we rejoice and Praise God because, right now--at this particular time--all is well.

A neighbor up the street, Sheila's mother is dying from what my own mother died from.  I have never known anyone that had the same (non) diagnosis, the same treatment (none), the same--whatever.  

Years ago, my doctor told me that if we had CT scans and MRI's back in 1970, they could have pinpointed my mother's disease and helped her.  Now, that is weird because Sheila's mother has the same thing, even with all the tests, they can't do a thing to help her.  They have NO idea why her bone marrow won't make red blood cells.  It isn't Leukemia, cancer--nothing.  They don't know what it is or why.

My own son, is feeling well.  The infusion he gets every six weeks has not made him sick or weak.  He has lost none of his hair.  His PSA numbers are nearly what normal would be.  But--next week, it could all change.

We just never know and I think that knowledge comes to us the older we get.  It could be us--any day.  How do we get philosophical about that?  How do we come to terms?  I guess we just keep ourselves from thinking about it.
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So--a week ago today, I was trying not to pass out in the Wal-Mart store.  For months and months, I have had no motivation to do one dang thing!!  A quick vacuum. Once every couple of months, run the dust cloth.

Things get set out on the kitchen counter tops.  Stains occur.  Whatever.  It matters not to this once, organized, tidy person.

Today, I was sitting in my recliner, minding my own business, my Soap just over and all of a sudden, this weird sensation hit me.  I HAD to get up and clean the kitchen.  So, I did.  For two hours, I cleaned and scrubbed and bleached out the stains and then noticed that my big mirror was all streaky so I Windexed it and then my two glass lamps, and vacuumed the whole house.  Moved the heavy cat's table for looking out the window, from my bedroom to my living room.

I was filled with such energy and such a light heart.  It reminded me of how I felt last spring.  I was alive and life was wonderful!!  I have been in depression since September and I "think" today, it might be lifting!!

Now, we won't know until we see how we feel tomorrow and the next day and the next, but.....wouldn't THIS change be nice?

A Snowy Day

E-mail from Jennifer--who is staying at Karen's a mere 12 miles away.

"Happy new year Mom.  Thanks for the great photo page for my bday.  Those memories are priceless, and the kids really enjoyed it.  Karen gave me the box of Christmas gifts for the kids, which I sent home with Eric this past weekend – they’ll have something fun to enjoy. 

Thanks again, Jen"
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Did I ever mention that these last four years are the first time in my life I have lived alone?  I went from Daddy's house, to Gary's house and after our divorce, Jen was still at home.  Then I went to Don's house and after he tried to kill me, to Ernie's house, then down here, then met Fred.

Never secure enough in myself.  Always had to have that security of a man, to fall back on if need be, to fix things, to lend me money--whatever.  I haven't had any of that in four years and 12 days and---

I LOVE IT!!!

I must be a real selfish person because I love the fact that I don't HAVE to please anyone, other than myself.  No grand kids to have to baby sit.  No kids wanting to move back home.  No man around to turn the noisy TV on first thing in the morning.  No man to have to cook for, do laundry, clean up his inadvertent urine sprays around the toilet, hear him belch or fart, let watch what he wants to watch on TV, no picking up after, listen to him snore in the middle of the night or worry about.

I can decorate my wee house in any eclectic way I want.  I can have a tree branch in the corner of my living room with a birds nest on it and no comments.  Anything I need doing, I can hire it done or ask my friend John for help.

I have never known such freedom!  The best time of my life.  I just wish I was younger so I could enjoy for many more years.

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My squirrels doing acrobatic tricks to get to the bird feeder, because theirs was nearly empty.

So, I went out and filled it up and then the Cardinals started stealing the squirrel feed.

Then, baby squirrel came in and scared the Cardinals away.

...and they waited patiently until he had his fill 

and left

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and, there he is.  Our strange little duck of a neighbor, John.  After he got home from work--nearly dark, as he wields his enormous snow-blower down the street, cleaning every driveway along the way.

Precious Man

Just in time..........

for the January thaw, we got 3 inches of snow and below zero temperatures.

Tonight and tomorrow, 2-3 more inches.

So--who cares.  Right?
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I had to run up to the store to get some milk--just in case I want to hunker down tomorrow.  It took me forever to sweep off the car and get the front and rear windows defrosted.

I don't know what has happened to John.  Last year, every time it snowed the tiniest bit, there he was with his snow blower cleaning off everyone's driveway.  Of course, it was his first winter here, and I think he was trying to impress the neighbor's with what a nice guy he is.  Now--he doesn't care.  LOL
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If you were going to cook something and then share it with others.  Would you taste it first to make sure it tasted good, before you shared it?  I would too.

I can almost forgive John because he had only learned how to cook in the last couple of years, but---Pearl has been married 61 years, she should know how to cook by now, don't ya think?

John made Chili and brought me down a container.  I think he browned the ground beef, put the other things in, cooked it for a half hour and then brought me some.  The canned kidney beans were even a bit hard.  It definitely needed four, a few more hours of simmering.

Yesterday, in between blizzards, Merle brought me a container of hot, vegetable beef soup.  YUM!  It could have stood a couple of beef bouillon cubes in it, the broth was very pale and had no taste.  The potato cubes were still crispy, the onion was tough, when I bit into the carrot pieces, they snapped under my teeth!  There were flakes or pieces of burned something floating around and they didn't add much of a taste to it either.

Wouldn't Pearl know that soup needs to simmer a couple of hours?  Or at least until the veggies are cooked?

So, what do I say, when I give them back their containers and they ask me, "How did you like the.....?"

"Thank you for bringing it to me."
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At noon today, I fought my way into the frozen doors on my car!  Only the passenger side door would open.  I got in, leaned over and started the car.  15 degrees, but it started right up.  That car lived in Wisconsin for a number of winters.  I have never had a problem with it starting, even in minus degree days.  I've had it 7 years and have never replaced the battery.

Anyway, I turned the defrost blower on high, and punched the little button to clean off the rear window.  Then I proceeded to sweep the snow off.  The snow plow had gone through last night, but by some miracle had not piled up 3 feet of snow at the end of my parking pad.

I let it idle and filled up the bird feeders.  I shut the car down at 12:30 and after my Soap, started it up again and took off to the store.

Of course, the main roads are clean, but if you only drove around our park, you'd think we were snowed in!  
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I haven't seen John all day--which wouldn't seem unusual, but for the last month or so, he and Maisey stop in every single, freaking day.

It might be 9:30 in the morning when I'm still in my jammies, 1:00 in the afternoon, just as my Soap starts or 8 o'dark in the evening.

I have watched and when he walks the dog, they go by here and on their way back, she comes up my drive a bit and sits down and will not move.  Sometimes he calls me on the phone to ask if they can come in, sometimes Maisey comes right up on the porch and nudges the door and barks, until I open it.

"We can only stay a minute," then, they come in, John sits in the rocking chair across the room to warm up and Maisey comes over and lays on the rug in front of my chair, for her pet and smooching.  An hour later, they leave.

I don't know if I should be flattered or disturbed that they have to stop every day.  

John says it's Maisey's fault.  That he can't get her by my house, without her stopping and not moving and then he has to carry her home.

Is my street the only street he could walked up?  No.  He could come out of his drive and turn left and walk her that way OR he could walk her up the Service Drive.

Hm-mm.  

I guess I can't complain.  After all, if I need it, he comes and unloads my groceries or 80# of bird seed or 35# of kitty litter, or 10 liters of Diet Pepsi, out of the trunk of my car.  

He does now, ask how my day is and lets me talk where before, it was all about him and all his problems--ad nauseum--the same story time after time.

He is a queer little duck, for sure, but very, very nice.
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Speaking of queer ducks?  Dar stopped over this afternoon.  At least she now has the decency to wait until my Soap is over, LOL.  She brought me three bags of chocolate candy she received for Christmas, accusing her family of trying to sabotage her plan to lose weight.  I accepted thankfully.

I'm at a stage in my life now where I couldn't gain weight even if I wanted too and.....chocolate candy is my thing!

We actually had a really nice chat!  Her other friend, Sheila's mother is in Hospice at home and Dar has been down there.  Sheila has never been married.  She took care of her Dad until he died and now her mother.  She is very fearful about living alone for the first time in her life--she is 56.

Dar keeps telling her how great it is going to be.  (I kind of doubt that).  Her way of trying to cheer Sheila up, I suppose.  They are planning trips they can take next spring and summer.  Sheila is quite timid, a strange little duck, without a lick of common sense and does anything Dar wants to do or tells her to do.  The perfect foil for Dar.
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Today Dar admitted that the reason she works is to take her mind of the fact that she lives alone and is estranged from her four children and one brother.  

She actually apologized for her actions, toward me, four years ago.

"You were trying to recover from Fred's death and I'd just rush in here and dump all my hysterics and problems on you.  How could you stand me?"

"Well--it was pretty hard.  Usually after you left, I was so worn out and stressed that I'd fall asleep for an hour."

"Why didn't you just tell me to go home?"

"Because, you were in worse shape than me.  You were on the verge of an emotional breakdown.  You needed someone you could talk to and get it all out and.....I'm a good listener."

"I'm just so sorry, Judy, so sorry.  I am doing better now.  Right?"

"Most of the time."  and we both laughed.

She still doesn't inquire about how I'm doing and it still is ALL about her, but.....that's just the way Dar is and always will be.  At least now, she only stays about 90 minutes.