Middle of the Week Musings

The high temperature today was: 82 degrees

The humidity today was:   55%

Sunny, getting muggy, pop-up thunder storms predicted.

Once again I woke up on my own at 7:45--what is wrong with me?

I was wrong the other day about pecans--we don't call them Pah Cons, we call them Pea Cons--heavy on the Pea.  Here in Michigan, we have that hard mid-west accent.  Especially on words starting with "D".  We don't say, "I can't dah cide,", we say, "I can't dee cide."  A lot of people say, Dee Troit, although those of us with a bit more class, still say Dah Troit.  You know, if you know me, lack of grammar and mis-pronunciation of words drives me crazy.  One thing that absolutely makes me gnash my teeth?  When someone says, "I haven't went." or "I got my hair did." or "I seen it."  "Whass up Bro."  A lot of our young white people think it's cool to speak with a black vernacular.  I cease to find it amusing.   Well, enough of that.  You can hardly say anything nowadays or you are called racist.
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The problem with the fire crackers/works noise is that, we have a few veterans living in this park.  Three of them have PTSD.  When those thunder bombs go off or the rapid firing of a string of fire crackers, they get restless and frantic because it takes them back to Nam.  One guy threw his wife to the floor and yelled, "INCOMING!"  The noises startle me, but those poor guys--I can only imagine.  That is why they are prohibited in our park---but then, the people who shoot them off couldn't care less about others.
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Can you imagine, at our age? That tattoo of Scooby Doo would now be a sagging Basset Hound!  Those two lovely dolphins circling our belly button would now be two distorted whales.  That majestic eagle tattooed on a man's bicep, would now have his head hanging low, looking down at the ground.  The tat would look like cartoon ink running off the underarm flab. That cute little rose you had tattooed on your young hip, is now located somewhere near the back of your thigh and that sweet tiny butterfly you had inked on the top of your perky young breast, or that flag tattooed on your manly young chest, is now residing gently on your stomach. 
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It looks like a trip to the jeweler may be in my future.  My beautiful gold bracelets are way too big.  They hang on my wrist and usually reside half way up my arm, which does not make me happy.  The only thing, I hate to think of links being removed from them.

My gosh--I used to have such nice looking hands.  <sigh>

My forearm is NOT that big--must be distortion from

too close camera?

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So today I had to drive through the construction zone corner to get to Wal-Mart to pick up a prescription.  You have to wait a long time at that light--it has to be long to give the traffic lines time to get through.  Some people get so frustrated.  I don't.  I pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot and wanted to turn down an aisle and had to wait for an oncoming pick-up truck, so I stopped.  The woman behind me started blowing her horn, frustrated that I wasn't turning left in front of the pick-up, I guess?  People sure are rude nowadays!  

As I waited in line for my prescription, a woman at the counter was brow beating the clerk.

"What do you mean there are only sixty pills!  If I take two a day like MY DOCTOR said, I will run out in a month!  I need them longer then that!"

The clerk showed her the original prescription which apparently showed sixty pills, at two a day.  She nicely said, "You will have to call your doctor to get a renewal near the end of the month."

Then the woman yelled, "Seventy dollars?  I don't want them!" and tossed the bag back at the clerk.

Then she looked through the rest of her bag to make sure everything was too her liking.  The clerk asked nicely, "Do you need to speak to the pharmacist for an explanation on any of your prescription?"

The woman, who by the way had on a right red shirt and purple shorts with really fat legs, said loudly, "No!" and stomped away.

I walked up to the counter and said, "Wow, she sure was cranky."

The clerk said, "I've known her all my life.  She is always like that.  Always angry--mad about everything.  She yells at everyone."

So then as she was ringing up my prescription we talked of how we felt sorry for the woman.  What a sad life she has.  

The clerk said, "Well it sure is nice to see your smiling face this morning.  I appreciate it."

I said, "We all have had pain and hurt in our lives--we all can find something to be angry about, but...what good does it do?  Put it behind  you...face forward and smile."  Then I grinned.  

As I walked past the rest of the counter on my way out, the pharmacist and the two clerks called out, "Nice to see you Miss Judy, how are you doing?"  I said, "Just great.  Thanks for taking care of me."  and continued on my way.

Sometimes I am overly nice to clerks and service workers.  I had a six month stint in customer service where I worked--I know how tough a day can be when everyone who comes up to your desk is purple with rage.  It's not anything you have done that makes them angry, but you are the one they are going to take it out on.  

I can't ever remember being snotty or nasty to anyone when I had a complaint.  It's not the waitresses fault that your food wasn't cooked right.  It's not the cashier's fault that your new pants fell apart the first time you wore them.  It's not the customer service person's fault that your car broke down on the way home from the garage.  As my Mother always said, 'You can catch more bees with honey then you can with vinegar,"  so smile, be nice when you explain the problem--you'd be surprised how people will go over board to work with you to make it right--if you are just nice about it!

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Lunch--Antipasto salad from the Rich People's Store-$3.49

I ate half for lunch and will eat the other half for lunch tomorrow.

So yummy!!

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So--I DO have a beef.  Many of the blog authors I use to read on a daily basis are now on Face Book.  They share a lot of links--or they post snippets.  Apparently that takes away their impetus to post anything on their blogs.  I have no idea what is really going on in their lives.  That is not good for a voyeur such as me.  LOL

I, on the other hand, am so mouthy I have plenty to post on FB AND this blog.  I did realize last night that I haven't written a thing in my personal written journal since my birthday.  I have kept and written in a journal since 1973 and now---I've got nothing!  I guess I am putting it all out there, on here. Oh well,that means less stuff the girls will have to sort through and throw away.

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January 1, 2012--

     Weight: 191  BMI: 26.6

July 1, 2013

     Weight: 160 BMI: 22.3

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This cloud formation looks like it has 6 pack abs, LOL.

So my DEAR FRIEND Dar was over this evening, for a bit.  She wanted to inform me that she is NOT happy with the noise around here.  

I said, "Yeah, I know.  I don't like it either, but there is very little we can do about it."

"Well...I walked up to the office yesterday and I reported it"

"and?"

"They told me I had to write out a complaint, date it and sign it and turn it back into them."

"and,...what will they do?"

"Not a damn thing most probably!  I called Rob last night."

"Who is Rob?"

"He is the manager of the park.  I have his personal home phone number."

      Rob must have been out of his mind the day he gave that to her--what WAS he thinking?

"...and?"

"I stood out on my front porch--it was midnight--I asked him if he could hear the noise.  He said that yes he could.  He lives in the park you know.  So, I says to him...and what are you going to do about it? "

"and...he said?"

"He said that since the new state law, there isn't much he can do.  I told him that last night wasn't the day before the holiday AND it is suppose to be unlawful in this park anyway.  I told him I wanted it stopped!"

"What did he say?"

"He asked me how and I told him, well, get in your damn truck...start back here on my road and go up and down each street until you find out who is doing it and tell them to stop or they will be evicted from living here.  That's what I told him!"

"What did he say?"

"He didn't say a damn thing.  He hung up on me!  Made me so angry...I am still shaking.  I pay three hundred and sixty dollars rent here and I expect the park rules to be upheld!"

        

          She took a breath---

"I don't think he could find the people doing it.  The minute they saw vehicle lights heading down their street, or where ever they are, they'd quit and hide and wait for an hour and then start in again."

"It just makes me mad.  I want park rules upheld!  I don't want Tami storing her wood by her porch.  I don't want Merle storing his lawn mower outside his shed. I don't like those kids next door leaving their toys out on the lawn!  I don't want this place to look like a trailer park!"

"Well--one of the park rules is that we have to store out garbage cans in our shed, or otherwise out of sight.  Where do you put yours?"

  She is at a loss for words---she keeps her garbage can by her          front porch

"My garbage can is where it is convenient for me to use...besides that...it is brand new and looks nice."

"Yeah, but it is against park rules............so............"

Her phone rang....................."I gotta go.  That was Sheila, she is coming down to play Scrabble."

"Okay--have fun.  Maybe you and Sheila can investigate and find out where the noise is coming from and then go to their house, knock on the door and nicely ask them if they will quit?"

"God bless.  See you later," she says as she retreats.

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I was out on my porch because I always walk my visitors out and Dar no more then got to the street when Tami, from next door came storming over--waving her hands--stomping like she does when she is upset.

"WHY DO DAMN EX WIVES HAVE TO CAUSE TROUBLE?  WHY DO THEY TURN THEIR KIDS AGAINST THEIR DAD'S?"

So I invited her in.....

"Ron's (her  live in boyfriend--the one she told me last week was leaving and she was glad because he has mental problems) ex wife is trying to turn his daughter against him.  His daughter doesn't want to come and spend the weekends with us any more.  She said Amanda doesn't like me.  I can prove she does---I have a text from her that said she did.  We are going to take her to court!"

 Good grief--this IS a trailer court and I am surrounded by white trash!!!

"I know you have had this problem before.  Amanda is fifteen.  She has a whole bunch of friends.  She probably wants to spend time with them on the weekends and just doesn't want to come way out here."

"He pays child support every month.  She can't stay away."  All this time, Tami is pacing up and down the living room--I feel like I'm watching a tennis match with my head swiveling back and forth.

"My son hasn't seen his Dad in four years.  He never paid support."

"And, you never bad mouthed your ex to your son?"

"That's different!  HE never paid support!"

"Yes...but it's still his Dad and if you want them to have a good relationship.........."

"Yeah, but you don't know what she said about me...."

        All of it true, no doubt.

"Well---you know how this goes.  Everything will be better tomorrow.  It always is.  You get riled up and by morning, it is all sorted out.  Just try and relax, keep a positive attitude about Ron and Amanda--maybe he can talk to his ex and things will be okay.  If not...there isn't much you can do about it and if you continue to get so filled with rage....you aren't going to make it better...AND...it doesn't look good for YOU to keep fighting with her on Face Book where the entire world can see!"

"But...it's so unfair......", she wails.

"Most of life is, Tami.  Most of life is."

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Not ten minutes later, an old friend from Saginaw called on the phone and when I said, "Hi"--HER rant started and went on for 69 minutes.  I won't even go into her problems--something about a new kitchen and the guy she hired doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground..................

What is it about this face--this person I am that people like to come and lay their rant in my ears and mind and then leave, while I sit here thinking of some way I could help...or try and reason with them, or resolve their problems with just the right word?

Glad I had those months working in customer service!!!

I'm thinking of hanging out my shingle:

  

Well, Well, Well

Today's high temperature was:  71 degrees

Today's humidity was:  34%

Cloudy, breaks of occasional sun--I loved it. 

I do not know what was wrong with me, but I woke up this morning at 7:45!!!  Unheard of!  A world event.  Consequently, shortly after 4:00 this afternoon, I kicked back in my chair for a tiny rest, Buddy jumped up on my lap and I woke up at 6:30.  So, now it is almost midnight and I am wide awake.  See how I get in this stupid pattern of staying up half the night and not waking up at a decent hour.  I remembering posting a couple of weeks ago that things were going to change around here. I was going to set my alarm and get up at 8:00 and get around and do things.   Yeah--well--not so much!!

It just makes the day so long, when I get up so early, because I don't really get it into gear until 2:00.  Oh well, and to think for 15 years, I got up at 6:00 to get to work.

So, by 9:45 I was up at Pearl's.  She was playing games on her computer, so I just walked in and walked down the hallway toward her bedroom.  I kept calling her name, but apparently she didn't hear me because when I walked into the room and said something, she jumped and practically fell out of her chair.

"You scared the hell out of me!" she yelled.

"Watch your language, Missy."

"Well, why didn't you call my name or something...geez!"

"I did.  All the way down the hallway."

"You did not!  I didn't hear a thing!"

"Oh...and you're the one who keeps telling me I have a hearing problem?"

So, we griped back and forth for awhile, as we walked back out to the living room.  There is nothing better then a friend that you can yell at and gripe at and be sarcastic with and laugh about it.  My best friend Arlene and I were like that.  I'd say something and she was liable to come back with a, "Why the hell would you say something dumb like that?"  and I'd come back with, "Why the hell do YOU think it's dumb?"  Oh--it was fun.  I think it is like being sisters--although my sister and I rarely talk to each other like that and we never use swear words at each other.

I might say to sister, "Why would you want to do that?" and she would say, "Because I want too."  and then I would say, "Okay."

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So I got back here at 12:30--couldn't believe she and I sat there and talked about everything for two and a half hours!!!  As we were walking out--me to go home, Pearl to get her mail, Dar came out of her house.  

"You ladies going for a walk?"

"Not me, " Pearl says.  "I can't walk very far."

"Well, you never will be able too if you don't." says Dar.

I hear a slight growl behind me from Pearl.

"I was just meandering home," I say.

Then one of the two ladies up the street, that fight for Dar's attention and Dar has said, "they get so jealous of each other.  They just love being with me," drives up and gets out and Dar, in a very loud voice says, "Here's my pal to take me up town.  What would I do without her? God bless her!"

I hear Pearl snort behind me.

Off they drive and Pearl says, "Thank goodness we aren't her pals!"  I laugh and walk on home.

I watched my Soap, ate some salad from the Rich People's Store--so good and then say out loud, "You need to get off your behind and get something done!"

So, I get the vacuum, and the dust cloth, and the bathroom cleaner and away I go.  Started in the bedroom and worked my way up to this room.  Gosh--everything looks so clean and shiny!!

Then I remember that I bought that big jug of Round-Up to spray the dang Rose of Sharon little suckers that have come up through the mulch under them and outside I go.  Now--I thought this big jug had like an automatic sprayer on it, so you didn't have to keep squeezing the sprayer handle and suffer the rest of the day with aching arthritic hands and fingers!!!  Not so!!!  So I griped about that as I went around the big island garden.  But I got it done and we shall see if it kills those cute little leaves in the mulch--there are so many, it looks like I have weeds growing up in my mulch.  I don't like that!!!

Then, I came in and sat down--ah-hh, turned on FOX news and there was coverage of the George Zimmerman trial.  I don't know.  What do you guys think?  Did he kill that kid in self defense?

Then--I fell asleep.
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Yesterday I've was thinking about going to the Senior Center.  I checked on-line to get their hours.  It's only a couple of miles away and maybe--it might be fun?  They do occasionally take day trips to the Casino in Detroit--that might be fun.  But...they leave at 9:30 and return at 6:30.  Who the heck wants to sit in a Casino all day?

Then I thought about--what if there was a man there that wanted to talk to me?  What if he flirted with me?  Hey---I'm not saying that I am some raging beauty that some guy would fall all over, but, let's face it. At our age, if you are alive and breathing, some doo dah is going to seek you out.

If he made an innuendo or flirted, I'd probably throw up on his shoes.  

It would be nice to have a "buddy".  Someone you could talk to about sports, politics, history--whatever, but most men I know, won't let it stay as pals.  Remember that guy I re-met last spring?  We had a great time the first day we spent together.  We yakked and yakked for hours and hours.  He said he wasn't interested in sex--wasn't really able to have sex.  I thought, "well, this will be nice.  We can go to a summer concert, watch baseball on TV, yak and yak and yak.

Then remember, he got all into taking care of me--showed up at the hospital when I had hip surgery and at the rehab center until I had to tell him to leave me alone--I never wanted to see him again!!  Which was pretty harsh and nothing I have ever done before in my life, but................it felt good for once in my life not to just "go along" because the guy wanted to.

As for sex--old guys will tell you that they aren't interested or that they "can't", but somewhere along the way, they begin to believe YOU ARE THE ONE who can cure them and bring them back to youth.  Hey--I am too tired for that--okay.  I don't want to work that hard and besides, my hips would probably hurt, so...........

Pearl says I need to turn Lesbian and get a girlfriend.  I told her, "If I get a Lesbian girlfriend...won't she want sex too?"

Pearl says, "Probably, but it wouldn't be as strenuous, would it?"

"I have no way of knowing Pearl.  I guess I will keep you as my girl friend."

"Okay," says Pearl, "but no touching!!"

"You can count on that!"

The thought of any man wanting to hug or kiss me, causes nausea to rise in my throat.  Not that I would feel like I was betraying Fred--it's just that Fred was so huggable and kissable--anyone else would just make me throw up!!!  

So...I guess I won't venture to the Senior Center just yet.  Maybe this winter?  anyway--I'd have to fill out forms and they would want to know if I were single, divorced or widowed and when I answered, "Yes to all of the above," they'd probably usher me to the door.  They can be a snooty bunch in Brighton and I--with my weird humor and unconventional ways just might not fit in.
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I am soooo glad that Michigan passed a fireworks law last year.  All fireworks were illegal in Michigan.  Then the legislature decided that since soooooo many people were in essence breaking the law, they would pass a law that people could have bigger and noisier fireworks, BUT ONLY THE DAY BEFORE, THE DAY OF AND THE DAY AFTER THE HOLIDAY, AND ALL FIREWORKS WILL END AT OR BEFORE 11:00 AT NIGHT.  Yes--like that is going to work?

So, here we are, a few days out from THE HOLIDAY and at midnight and some idiot down the way, is setting off the Thunder Bombs.  It started Memorial Day weekend and it will continue until Labor Day--then again on Halloween and New Year's Eve.  Then we will have a respite.

There are NO FIREWORKS ALLOWED IN THE PARK, or so all the signs around this park say so.  When I complained last year, the lady in the office said, "Oh no.  There aren't any fireworks in the park.  We have signs that say they are allowed."

I said, "Do you live in the park?"

"No."

"Well, for something to do, why don't you come out Saturday night--oh, around 9:30 and just sit in your car and listen to what goes on in here.  It gets very noisy."

"But, we have the signs."  Sweet young thing--get your head out of your...........ah--the sand!

"Well, apparently your signs aren't working.  Some people just don't want to obey signs."

The Sheriff no longer will respond to an excessive nuisance noise--because THE LAW now says it's all right if people set off fireworks.  Last year I called...I said, "But the shells of the Thunder Bombs are exploding over my house and the remnants are landing on my roof.  What if it starts a fire and my house burns down. Would you respond then?"

"In that case, you'd have to call the fire department and we'd come out and investigate."

Don't you wish we still had telephones you could slam down to disconnect?

Just let me move to a hut in the woods where all humanity is at least three miles away from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Damn bunch of Michigan hill billies!!!!

Wonderful Day--for a Monday

Today's high temperature was:  65 degrees

Today's humidity was:  34%

Cloudy, a few sprinkles, no sun, I love the cool.

I DID get up early and pulled in Pearl's driveway at precisely 10:00.  Off to Costco we go.  I actually hate this store so much--my main reason was to get my glasses adjusted--which I did and they did a great job!!

I trudged around the store a bit and got just what I needed, no more then that!  Pearl was wandering, so I had to wait up in front for about 20 minutes for her, but that was all right.

Do you think 40 AA batteries will last me for awhile?

While I was waiting, the guy that was the leader for the Grief Share meetings I went to last fall, walked by.  I called out his name and he came over.  He asked how I was doing, I replied "great", and he said, like he used to say at the meetings when that was my reply, "Are you really?"  and I said, "Yes Mark.  I really am!"  He said that tonight was their last night for this spring session--tonight the "memorial night", which was really difficult for all of us.  Then his eyes filled with tears, which didn't surprise me because he is such a sensitive man and often cried at the meetings, even though he wasn't in grief.  "My wife has just been diagnosed with liver cancer.  They are going to try some treatment, but...they told me...it's a death sentence."  I just hugged him and told him how sorry I was.  Poor guy--now he is going to walk the journey the people his counsels, have walked. It has made me feel really sad and quiet the rest of today.

After Pearl and I left Costco, I had to run into the ACO hardware to get my big jug of Round-Up because Costco didn't have any.  Then we drove down a bit and Pearl sat and read, while I ran into the Rich People's Store for some of their deli salads, fresh fruit, milk and medium size croissants for my lunch time sandwich.

We got home around noon and I helped her take in her stuff--once again we forgot to take bags or boxes with us to load our Costco stuff in, so we had to make 3 trips.

So it is the first day of the month and I have already spent 1/3 my allowed grocery budget. ARRGH!

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Pammie called me and told me that "THE IDIOT" has finally found a house and he is to close on it this Wednesday.  Of course, now that the bank had loaned him the money, at 10% interest (gulp,) a few things have come up.  Like he was going to install a water heater, and now the bank wants him to hire someone to do it--he is perfectly capable of hooking up an electric water heater and plugging it in!  You see, now that the housing market is coming back, it is getting more difficult to find a home.  This was a bank foreclosed home and they are pulling all the strings.  He has his 20% down payment.  She is just hoping that the deal goes through.  We ALL are hoping the deal goes through.  Whatever--he is to be out of her place by August 10th!  

He insisted that he had to have a house with a good sized garage for his work shop.  He really hasn't been able to find that until now.  Pam offered to rent him the barn that he uses at her place for his work shop--she is too good hearted in my opinion, but I can see me doing the same stupid thing.  LOL  Then he could buy a trailer and have a place to live.  I don't know--but things are moving forward and already, her place looks much better with his junkers and crap out of her yard!!

I no more got off the phone with her and my pal Bethie and her hubby drove up.  They had been to Costco too and on their way home, Bethie brought me two big jugs of cat litter, two bags of dry cat food and some wet cat food.  What a God-send she is!!!!! I was just about out of everything cat related, so that just made my day!!!

When Dar was over yesterday, she was moaning that the planter she hired the kid to build for her, and place for her, was so long that her lawn mowing guy can't mow in that area.  Pearl and I wondered at the time why she had made it so long that it stuck out way past her porch.  

She just was so distraught about it yesterday.  

What to do.  What to do.

So I suggested, "why don't you pick up that east end, swing it around and have your raised garden run along side your driveway?  That way the lawn mowing guy can get between you and your neighbors.  It's on their lot anyway and it's a wonder they haven't complained to you."

"Oh, I don't care what they say.  I just am worried that Don can't mow in there and he will charge me more for the time it takes to weed whip that whole area along side my porch."

     Oh Friends--it's always all about Dar, isn't it?

This is the long, heavy raised planter she had to run around and find aged neighbors to help the kid lift it and put it in place because the dumb kid built it on the driveway instead of in place.  I tell you---some people don't use the brains they were born with!!! So I am expecting a whole team to show up, lift up that left corner and swing that thing parallel to her driveway and sidewalk.  GEEZ!!!

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I just saw some pictures my daughter, Karen posted on Face Book. I suppose now that they are "for public view" she won't be mad if I post them here--not that she would know anyway, LOL.

She, her husband Mark and daughter Madeleine, spent 3 days last week in Detroit Inner City (Yikes), once again cleaning up vacant lots, painting and sleeping on the floor of an old abandoned school.  This is one of her projects that she does every summer--she takes volunteers from her classes at the girl's Catholic school where she teaches.  They all seem to think it's real fun?

 Karen and Maddie, weeding the community garden.

Look at the abandoned house behind the garden.

You couldn't get me to stay in Detroit for 3 days,

let alone the inner city.  My daughter is a far

better person then I will ever be!!!

 Painting the fence around the community garden

 Their first vacant tire site

Tire brigade

 Karen rolling tires

Mark loading up the take-away truck

They collected and disposed of 2,657 tires in vacant lots, in 3 days.

Plus, taking cold water and food to home bound people, and

working in a couple of soup kitchens.

What do you want to bet, those vacant lots will be full of tires before year's end.  Do the people in Detroit REALLY give a shit how their neighbor hoods look?  Apparently not BECAUSE they know people like these three above will come in every summer and clean them up.  

How shocking for Conservative Republicans to care!!! 

(Just had to put that jab in there for Dar, because, she hates Republicans because, "They don't care for anyone, but themselves."--AS IF SHE DOES? She also doesn't like Catholics because, "They are so cliche-ish, they think they are better then anyone else.")

Okay--mild rant over. LOL

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So--the Detroit Tigers baseball team are such wonderful fellows that this afternoon, in Toronto, they helped the Canadians celebrate Canada Day, by losing the ballgame.  WTG fellows.  (Mid-season is in full swing!)

Today, it has been 18 months since Fred died.  My gosh, that sounds like a really long time.  I can go quite a few days and don't think about him and then BANG--and it all comes back like it was yesterday.  I am not really sad though, when I do think of him, I always smile to myself.  I am still so grateful that we found each other and had such a wonderful seven years and, I am still so thankful that he died so quickly.  

That sounded weird.  I'm not glad that he died, but he never had a bit of fear. He didn't have cancer or a stroke.  He had heart disease and COPD and he lived with that for quite a while.  That morning, New Year's Day, 2012, he kissed me, we laughed and he was gone.  You can't die any easier or better then that...if you have to die, that is.

  The day we got engaged.  At the softball park, LOL.

Gosh--we had fun!

Sinful Sunday

Today's high temperature was: 73 degrees

Today's humidity was:  30%

Sunny with a really nice breeze

Perfect

You remember that old philosophy question:
"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
So I wondered this morning, If I died during the night and no one was here to know, would I really be dead?
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No, I didn't have a sinful Sunday, but, for the 9th Sunday in a row, I did not go to church.  I feel guilty about it, so I suppose it is a perceived sin in my head.  My Catholic daughter would class it as a "venial sin", I suppose.  There is a lot of street construction between here and church, so I am using that for an excuse--so--I am lying to myself.  

I went to the doctor's, through the construction zone.  I went to the dentist's, through the construction zone.  I went to Wal-Mart to get my prescriptions, which is on the corner of the construction zone.

When I do go back to church, the couple I usually sit next to are going to ask, "Where have you been?"  and in all honesty I am going to have to answer, "Where have I been?  I've been lazy."  

I know if I went, I'd feel better.  I love singing the old hymns.  Thank goodness I have a church that has separate services so I don't have to go to the Contemporary service with the songs up on the screen, and repetitive verses over and over and over--geez.  I like a nice tidy old hymn with 4 lovely, heart filling verses and a nice repetitive chorus.  The sermon would be good, as it always is and it would make me feel renewed. 

I have used the excuse to Pearl, who also has not gone to church for two months, (their car was gone this a.m., so maybe they went?) that I have no summer clothes to wear.  Which is not a lie.  None of my last year's summer clothes fit--way too big.  But, last week I ordered and received some nice summer slacks and a couple of tops, so................and God wouldn't care what I wore anyway.

I read my daily devotional and then opened my Bible to see if there was a verse with meaning--and found this on first sight--"What sorrow awaits my rebellious children," says the LORD. "You make plans that are contrary to mine. You make alliances not directed by my Spirit, thus piling up your sins."

I promise--I will go next week--honest!
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Dar came over about 11:00--I was in my bedroom, getting dressed. I had heard a car honking earlier and when I looked out my window, I noticed the car was parked in her driveway.

"Did you go to church today?"  I asked.

"Nope.  I slept in."

"I saw a car in your drive, I wondered what was going on."

"Oh that was Russel and Sandy.  They come pick me up every Sunday morning.  I slept in today, so I had to go out and tell them I wasn't going."

Hm-mm.  Never thought to call and tell the people?

"It was only two miles out of their way, so it was no big deal," she says.

Hm-mm--I wonder if they felt that way.

She stayed about 90 minutes and I finally got dressed and something to eat around 1:00.

Sat down to watch the baseball game and pretty soon, Pearl walked in.

"I told Merle I had to get away from the game.  They are going to lose.  They are so stupid! Oh, you've got it on too."

So, I hit the mute button............

"Did you go to church this morning?" I asked.

"We did."

"What was the sermon about?"

"Oh...I can't remember.  Something about how God will help us through the construction zones of our life.  It has to do with the construction that we have to drive through to get to church."

"Did they sing good hymns?"

"I don't remember.  Couldn't tell you what we sang.  I saved the bulletin, I will give it to you tomorrow."

"Okay...thanks."

"Oh," she says.  "Did  you hear all that honking this morning?"

"Yes."

"People over in Dar's driveway.  The people that pick her up for church.  They beeped and sat and then beeped and sat---she finally came out of the house in her pajamas, laughing that loud horse laugh of hers.  They finally drove away.  The guy driving didn't look too happy."

"I think she should have called them and told them not to stop."

"Oh...that woman!  She thinks the world revolves around her!  It's always all about her---to heck with anyone else!  I think she needs mental therapy."

"Well, she does have a strong sense of entitlement..for sure," I said. (We were gossiping, and I think that is one of the seven deadly sins, isn't it.  I am in such big trouble!!)

We chatted for about 45 minutes, about books and some of the DVD's I am getting.  She borrowed one.  Then I said, "I have to go to Costco tomorrow, do you want to go along?"

"No...I do need some salmon, if you could pick that up for me.  They are salmon patties, in the frozen food section."

"Sure.  I gotta get bathroom tissue and Kleenex and...I gotta get milk...oh, and batteries--got to remember to get a big box of double A's."

"Oh, I need milk too," she said.  "Well, rather then have you running all over the store, can I go with you?"

"Sure."

"Are you going after your Soap?  I do better in the morning."

"Okay," I say, "I will pick you up at 10:00."

"Oh--right.  Ten?  I will expect you at ten-thirty, eleven."

"No--I will pick you up at ten--just watch me and you better be ready to go when I pull into your driveway!"

She laughed, knowing how I like to sleep in.  She is always up by seven. So, you know what that means.  I better get to bed tonight by midnight, set the alarm for eight and get myself in gear.  I also want to stop at the rich people's grocery store.  Tomorrow is the first of the month and my grocery budget money has been renewed.  I want to get a whole bunch of food from their deli--salads of all kinds--fresh fruit--a slice of their really good cheese, a bag of sweet cherries and some pecans. 

Pea Cons, or is it pronounced Pea Cans, or is it like we call them- Pah Cons?    

No pictures today.  Every time I wanted to go out for a walk, some idiot was setting off loud fire crackers and you know the phobia I have about loud noises. 

I thanked God today that I live in the relatively cool state of Michigan.  My oldest grand daughter lives in Phoenix.  I don't see how she stands that heat--I don't care if it is a dry heat, 114 is like being in an oven!!!  I never would survive in Florida.  The humidity would kill me. So thankful my ancestor's were farmers and wanted to migrate to a place with wonderful forests and soil.  

Danke great, great, great, great grandpa Conradt!!! 

Who Am I?

Today's high temperature was:  72 degrees

Today's humidity was:  60%

Sunny, a nice breeze- PERFECT!

Someday's I wonder who in the heck am I.  I feel strange in my head at times.  I don't have the same reactions, fears or thoughts that I have had most of my life.  Things that I use to be so definite about, now I find grey areas.  I don't have much motivation.  Late in the evening, when I really feel awake and alive, I think about what I am going to do the next day.  Then, in the morning, I wake up and I just don't care.  

What's up with that?

I always feel better mentally and physically if I get out, or do a chore, but the motivation to do that...just isn't there. I feel like I have to force myself to get out of bed..to get outside...to even move out of my chair.

No--I am not depressed--I don't think.  I've never been a lazy person.  I don't know..........maybe I AM losing my mind.

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My alarm went off at 8:00, as usual.  I turned it off, rolled over and went back to sleep until 10:00, as usual.  I so want to stop this habit!  But--I don't feel awake until around 10:00 at night, so...I stay up until 2-3 or 4.  No wonder I can't wake up at 8:00.  It's summer!  Lots of light in the morning.  Lots of time to get things done!  I tried going to bed last night at 11:00--couldn't sleep.  Took a Melatonin, still couldn't sleep.  Finally at 2:00, I took a Benedryl--then I slept and I must have slept well because, when I made the bed this morning, I only had to pull up the covers on my side of the bed.  The covers weren't wrinkled, the other side, still made up.

I got up, fed the cats and sat down at the computer for two hours!  It was noon--I hadn't eaten yet--walked up to Pearl's for a chat for an hour.  When I got back home, I got a half a sandwich, and sat down in my chair.  I was going to watch a movie.

Then I remembered--the big chore I wanted to do outside.  It was my kind of weather--cool, with a nice breeze.  I made myself get up and outside and worked on the chore.  Hard work and I got it done.  Not perfect, but...good enough.  The lawn area under the bird feeders is now level with the rest of the lawn--not that 8 inch mound anymore.  

 

Nice and level

I used my garden fork to dig with, to loosen it up with, then shoveled all the chunks into yard waste bags--it took two, only about 1/4 full--I could hardly drag them to the drive.  Then I raked it.  Now, I just need to put a bit of grass seed on it and all is well.

My back was screaming like a banshee, so I put a DVD of "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" in the player, sat down and cross stitched while I watched it.  I haven't seen the movie since it's release, some 40 years ago and had forgotten how hilarious and sad it was. When it was over, I felt unsettled.

I got up and moved around a bit and went outside to check out my Freddy Gifts.  The lilies are still beautiful--the one by the front porch steps still has not bloomed, but is loaded with buds.  I think the pink one is my favorite.

Maybe that's what is wrong with me.  I had a sad time last night and today, thinking about Fred a lot.  I go days without even thinking of him and then---BAM--for no reason.  I don't understand it.  Maybe I didn't grieve hard enough or long enough?  Maybe this is some delayed shit? 

I have been feeling so upbeat lately and now...beat down.  I tell you---my moods are like the temperature--way high one day, cool the next.  

...and yet--I feel different.  I ponder on that--I ponder way too much.  Always trying to figure things out.  

I don't have the fears I use too.  I don't have the feeling that I am being ridiculed by the elders anymore.  I have such freedom and I like it.  Maybe it's this new person that is emerging from the constraints of so many years--and thus, it feels strange?  Even a bad habit is missed when it is gone.  

Maybe that's it!  Maybe it is this feeling of finally being free for the first time in my life and I am not use to that.  I don't have to be continually thinking of how I can be pleasing or please the Daddy and step-mother.  I actually have no one I have to account to.

I have no one, but me.  Now that is something I certainly am not use to!!! 

Maybe I feel a bit lost from all the recent changes?  I just don't feel real comfortable in my own skin.

Who am I?  I guess I better get to it and figure that all out!!!