I get so frustrated and of course, it does no good.

My car is sitting in my driveway right now...dead battery.  I was just bragging the other day that I've had the car 11 years and I have never had to replace the battery.

Jinxed myself, didn't I?

The guy that helped me with the seat belt, said he had a couple of batteries and he would charge them up and bring them out.  That was yesterday at 2:00.  It is now today at 3:57 and I ain't seen head or tail of him.  I so dislike people that over promise and under deliver.  I would have felt better if he had just said, "I can't get to you until Friday," and then shown up on Friday.  I feel like I can't get away from my phone.  Afraid of even running across the street to get the mail in case he calls and I miss the phone call.

I had saved up enough $$$ the last 5 weeks to be able to get a hair cut.  Right now my hair resembles Bozo's hair style,  it is so long and unruly.  I had the appointment yesterday, but when I jumped into my car and turned the key, all I got was click-click.  ARRGH!!

Luckily I had gone grocery shopping on Monday, so cats had food.

=============

I've been working on the spaghetti sauce for the "boys" Christmas gift.  I can't seem to cook anymore.  I have a devil of a time getting the sauce thick enough and I follow my 40 year old recipe to a "T".  Maybe there are things I did in years past that aren't in the recipe, but of course now, can't remember what the little tricks might be?

I did get my Christmas cards printed out.  I have the Hallmark Card software, so I can make my own cards and personalize them for the kids and grands.  My "Special Girl" in Idaho, always sends me Christmas stamps so I don't have a great expense in outlay.

==============

I am not decorating for Christmas.  I can remember in years past, when my Grandma and older relatives stopped putting up a tree, I firmly avowed, "I don't care how old I get.  I will always put up a decorated tree!"

Yeah--well.  Little did I know that now that I am old and with a painful back, the very thought of putting up and decorating the tree, which takes 4 hours, let alone getting all the other nativities, Santas, village, angels out, which takes about 5 days, would become more than I would want to do.

My sister tells me, "Do it for yourself.  It will make you feel better."  Yeah, well not having to put it up and then take it all down will make me feel better physically.

I hung the cross stitched picture I made of a Christmas angel on the wall and called it good.

I am rapidly turning into an old, cranky, Scrooge!!!

I finished a genealogy for a young woman that I became friends with when I first moved here.  She had a writing group that I joined.  She has three daughter's...2 have autism and the youngest has learning disabilities.  I don't know how she does it, as the oldest one acts out at school and keeps getting suspended for a few days.  20 suspensions already this school year.  The oldest is in her senior year, very big and strong and fights with other students and teachers.

It is a real struggle for my friend.

She mentioned that she was interested in finding about her family tree.  Her parents don't want to talk about any of it, so she basically knew nothing about her grand parents.

I told her if she had the birth dates and where her parents were born, I'd do some research and see what I could come up with.  She did know that and even knew her Dad's father's name, but no dates for him.

It took me awhile, but I finally found a "path" and once I found that, up the tree I climbed.  LOL

I knew this young woman couldn't pay, although she insisted she would.  My rates are $7.00 an hour for the research and putting the book together, i.e., writing the story and scanning and adding census reports, military records, marriage licenses, death certificates---whatever I can find in my research.

When she asked me how much it would cost, I told her, "about $100.00 and you can pay me as we go along."  One day she stopped in with groceries--milk, bread, a can of soup, cheese, a candy bar and a jug of Diet Pepsi.  I found the receipt in the bottom of the bag, so I credited her invoice for that amount.

I got her book bound last week and the total for all of the research work I had done, the acid free paper for the book, printing out the pedigrees and the book binding came to $234.00.  I "fudged" and printed out an invoice for her with a total of $108.00 and apologized that it was $8.00 more than I had told her at the beginning.

====================

My daughter Karen scolded me.  "Mom!  You, of all people, can't afford to do these genealogies for free.  That work helps you pay the bills your Social Security doesn't cover.  I suppose you gave it to her before she had paid for all of it."

"Yes."

"Mom!  Don't you remember that woman that never paid you?  You mailed her the book and she never paid for it.  That's why Jen and I told you to get a hundred dollars from the person, before you started any research for them."

"Yes, but............"

==========================

BUT.....this young woman knew nothing about her heritage.  She wanted to know.  I wanted her to know.  I found the cemeteries where her grand parents are buried.  I found photos of their grave markers.  I found photos of her Great grand parents.  I found that a town in Ohio was founded and named by her 6th Great grand father.  I found she is German/Irish.

....and the look on her face, when she saw her book, was way more important than the money I may have missed out on.  

My neighbor John.  You remember John, who stopped in to visit everyday with his dog Maisey?  He always cleaned the snow out of my drive (and all the neighbors)--for free.

Well, after Maisey died, he decided to go back to work.  He works nights at a nearby elementary school as Janitor.  He did stop in about a year ago and as we talked, he told me about professional "cuddlers".  Because elderly people get so lonely and miss out on human touch, they now have people you can hire to come to your house and sit on the couch, watch TV and cuddle.

He said that he knew of people that didn't hire the pro, they just got together once in awhile to cuddle.  He wondered if that would be something I was interested in.  Now John is a good Christian man and I know he would just cuddle and not even think to take it any farther, but in my mind I was all "EWWW" about it, so I told him it would be great if he wanted to come over and watch a Michigan State basketball game with me, but I wasn't interested in sitting on the couch, cuddling.

At one time, he WOULD come over and watch the Michigan State versus Michigan football and basketball games with me. He'd sit on the couch, me in my recliner.  He's a Michigan fan and we had a lot of fun ribbing each other.  But--I must have hurt his feelings because I have not seen or heard from him since.
=====================
Merle and Pearl.  Merle has Parkinson's, but he still mows his own lawn, shovels his own driveway and walks along our street every trash day and brings Dar, Jackie and my empty trash cans up to our porch.

Pearl on the other hand, sits in her chair 24/7.  She even sleeps in it now.  A couple of years ago, she just stopped walking, because her legs hurt.  She went to several doctors and physical therapy, but refused to do what they told her to do....so there she sits.

You know what happens when all you do is sit---now she can't walk.  She has a walker to use, but even with that, her legs collapse and Merle can't get her up, so he has to call the ambulance and the ambulance people have to haul her up and back into her chair.

They average two ambulance calls a month--and they are not charged for it.  The people told Merle to just call and they would come right over.  Their station only 1 mile away.

Their oldest daughter that lives about 80 miles north of here, comes down once a month to clean the house.  Pearl never has a good word to say about her.  Their youngest daughter, that lives just around the corner from here takes them to their doctor's appointments...Pearl recently diagnosed with Diabetes, and helps with yard work.  She is her Daddy's girl and not quite all that in love with her mother, but with that one, Pearl thinks the sun rises and sets with her.

I try to get down there for a visit every month.  It takes an effort on my part because I know what awaits me.  Pearl is very bossy and tell me how I should live, what I should do and if I express any feelings, tells me I'm nuts to feel that way.  
============
Then there's Dar.  Her Dad is now 96 years old, living with her at her suggestion.  Daddy has a ton of $$$ and I think Dar thought it would be good for her to have him near to help out.

That was 2 years ago.  He drives her nuts.  LOL  He insists that she take him in the car everyday.  In this past year, Dar has had a hernia surgery, and both hands done for Carpal Tunnel.  He got mad because she couldn't drive and stated that when her left hand was done she could still drive with her right hand and vice versa.

She and her best friend Sheila--a neighbor did manage to get away for a 4 days trip up north.  Dad was angry that he couldn't go with them and Dar had to jump through hoops to make arrangements to have her brother take him.  Dad hates her brother's wife, so he stayed in his room, at their place, all 4 days.

Four times a year, Dar and Sheila like to go up north to Frankenmuth--a city that has Christmas all year round.  They always take Dad with them.  They go on their birthdays so they get whatever their age is percent off their chicken dinner.  Dad is now up to a 96% discount, which he thinks is fabulous and is determined to make it to 100 so he will get a free dinner.

He is sharp as a tack and might just fulfill that wish of his.  He had given his 3 children their inheritances, so Dar got a huge sum, plus she got a $200K settlement on her accident case, so she is rolling in the green stuff, but with Dad following her around the house and making negative comments, she is beginning to wonder if her "suggestion" that he come live with her is worth it.

When he first moved in and I asked her if she thought it was a good idea because she likes to travel and wants to travel to Greece, she said, "He's 93, how long can it last?"

Oh....I do love you ladies!  How can people I have never met, bring me more uplifting feelings and support, than people I have known for years?

Yes, I do get this way every year, right about this time of year.  I think what "niggles" at me if, when my father was alive, the family Christmas was ALWAYS on Christmas Eve.  We all knew that.  We all made our arrangements to not interfere with Christmas at The Farm.  Everyone kowtowed to him and....he wasn't even that nice.

Now, I am the eldest in the family.  I am the Matriarch.  Why do "they" think they can change up tradition?  They would have never done if when he was alive, but now................................

I feel like Tevya in Fiddler on the Roof.  TRADITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=========================

Just as I was having a two-day depression, pity-party...I do those so well, daughter Karen called and we went out to lunch. I had a gift card at Panera Bread so I got to pay for her lunch this time.

We yakked as fast as we could, and laughed a lot as we always do, then over to the Meijer store where she went one way and me the other--I of course buying cat food AGAIN, she got me some Pepsi and Chex Mix, while I searched for a Giant Hershey bar, she got stuff for her too and we met up front.

She likes to go through the self check-out, so I let her and I also let her pay for my groceries. LOL

It brought back a nice memory of when Karen was little, I'd take her grocery shopping with me--I'd give her half the list and she'd run all over the store getting the items I needed.

She is a busy woman in her retirement. Doing a Bible Study, helping with the Montessori kids at church, and a book club with friends, plus tutoring two different kids in two different locations this afternoon--that is just her schedule for today.

She is something else, so beautiful, loving and kind and everyone that knows her would attest to that fact!

I feel like the world has been lifted off my shoulders!

I am just wondering if I should even post anymore.

There is absolutely nothing interesting going on in my life.  

Nothing anyone would want to spend time reading about.

I can't even come up with an interesting illness, that people would want to follow, empathize, give advice.  I suppose that is a good thing.

Yesterday, I put the humidifier together, filled with water because everything I touched, I got a shock.  

Today I vacuumed the kitchen, living room and den.  And dusted.  Set up the air cleaner here in the den.

Oh, you did hear we got 9 inches of snow last week, right?  It's been unusually cold since, but I love the cold weather.  I had an appointment last week at the Pulmonologist and she asked if the cold weather bothered my breathing.  I told her "No" and she did a breathing test and said, "Your lungs are great for their age.", which struck me as funny.  My lungs are the same age as me, right?

or maybe not.  Maybe they are 6-7 months older---'cause they were growing before I was born?

My Christmas Cactus is healthy and nice and green and not one single bud on it's stems/leaves/fronds...whatever those things are called on a Cactus.  Everyone I know, who has a Christmas Cactus, are posting pictures of how theirs are loaded with buds.

This is my exciting and interesting life.

==================

No one is having Thanksgiving this year and I just found out our family Christmas will be on the 28th.

The traditional family Christmas Eve, which was celebrated for over 100 years, is now whenever--sometime in December.  So that means I will be home Christmas Even and Christmas Day.

Why don't I just slash my wrists now!!!!!!!?

Ever since my 80th birthday in June, I ponder on why I am here.  What good am I to anyone?

The kids don't call or visit.  The grand kids--well, I have no idea what is going on with them.

I don't see my sister very often.

It's hard.  At one time, I was the "hub" of the family, but then......I haven't been the hub in many, many years, so why does it bother me?

I feel like I am totally useless to anyone.  They would all get along just fine if I weren't here.

I think it is difficult for a once vibrant, involved in everything, socially active person to become irrelevant, but that is what I have become.

==================

I have this fantasy.  I sometimes sit and ponder on it and see it all falling into place.

I have a new car--a small SUV.  I pack it up with everything I will need for a month and...I just take off.  I tell no one that I am going.  Just like my kids and sister do--they go on vacations, or trips, and never inform me they will be gone.

I meander around the country.  I've always wanted to see Vermont in September.  I stay for a week, on the ocean, in Nags Head, North Carolina's Outer Banks.  I get off the interstate and travel the back roads, stopping along the way to see whatever takes my fancy.  I might even stop in at Oak Island, in Nova Scotia, of spend a week in North Dakota with my special "daughter", Chris.

I wonder how long it would take before anyone realized I was gone.  Two weeks?  Maybe longer.  Someone would notice that I hadn't posted on Face Book.  Someone might contact Karen and ask, "Is your Mom all right.  She hasn't posted on Face Book in two weeks."  Then Karen might call and leave a message.  The next week, she might ask the other kids or my sister if they had heard from me.  She might even drive up here and ask a neighbor.

No one knows.  Would they worry?  Would a police report be made for a missing person?  Would there be yellow police tape around my house as they checked for clues?  Would my face appear on a milk carton? 

I have no cell phone to trace my whereabouts by GPS.  

And when I returned, would there be an ambulance ready to take me to the nursing home---where I could be watched 24/7?

========================

Just a selfish, revenge fantasy, that would in the long run, prove my true irrelevance.

So much time wasted by Congress on all these different hearings.
Wasted time that would be better spent on working on Bills that would help our Veterans get the care they need...when they need it...and not have to wait.  In a decent VA hospital or facility, not one that is falling apart.

Why can't these hearings be carried on CNN, or FOX, or MSNBC, or C-Span and not on the bit three channels, ABC,CBS and NBC?  I mean if you are a real political junky, certainly you would have Cable and have those channels accessible.

Not on NBC where the hearings will pre-empt my Soap!!!!
Just when my Soap is doing what no other daytime Soap has done.
A time jump to one year later!
C'mon!!!!
==========================

Last Saturday was one of those perfect days for me.  Not something most women would get excited about, but...3 football games on TV consecutively, starting at noon.  Ohio State vs Wisconsin at noon, Michigan State vs Penn State at 3:30 and University of Michigan vs Notre Dame at 7:30.  11 hours of watching football?  

You know why I like it?  I sit in my recliner and work on my projects--cross stitch and crochet.  I don't watch every football play, listen mostly, but look up when there is some action.  At half-time, I get up from my chair and load the dishwasher, vacuum the living room, do some laundry.  So...........I'm not really lazy. LOL

This past Saturday, yesterday, only one ballgame and it was boring.  I spent most of the afternoon watching "Property Brothers" and cross stitching.

Now we have the dreaded time change.  So many people hate it, I don't know why we just don't stay on Eastern Standard Time and forget all about Daylight Saving Time.  But the "fall back" affects me less than the "spring forward", I still will feel a bit discombobulated for a couple of weeks.

I set my Cuckoo clock back an hour in the middle of the week.  I don't consciously hear that clock anymore, but I figured, unconsciously I'd hear it and even though the other clocks stated 4:00, the Cuckoo would cuckoo 3 times and ease me into the time change.  I know.  I am weird!

Well it was kind of nice to wake up this morning at my normal 9:00 inner clock and realize it was only 8:00, according to the clocks.  I felt like an early riser, but of course tonight, when TV programs are on at 10:00, but in yesterday's time and my inner clock time it is really 11:00, I'll be dozing in my chair.

It's all very confusing to me.
======================
This great grandchild of mine, Harrison, is only 3 months old.  He is in the 90+ percentile for height and weight.  He is going to be an enormous kid!!!  He looks so much like his Dad, it's spooky!