I am just wondering if I should even post anymore.

There is absolutely nothing interesting going on in my life.  

Nothing anyone would want to spend time reading about.

I can't even come up with an interesting illness, that people would want to follow, empathize, give advice.  I suppose that is a good thing.

Yesterday, I put the humidifier together, filled with water because everything I touched, I got a shock.  

Today I vacuumed the kitchen, living room and den.  And dusted.  Set up the air cleaner here in the den.

Oh, you did hear we got 9 inches of snow last week, right?  It's been unusually cold since, but I love the cold weather.  I had an appointment last week at the Pulmonologist and she asked if the cold weather bothered my breathing.  I told her "No" and she did a breathing test and said, "Your lungs are great for their age.", which struck me as funny.  My lungs are the same age as me, right?

or maybe not.  Maybe they are 6-7 months older---'cause they were growing before I was born?

My Christmas Cactus is healthy and nice and green and not one single bud on it's stems/leaves/fronds...whatever those things are called on a Cactus.  Everyone I know, who has a Christmas Cactus, are posting pictures of how theirs are loaded with buds.

This is my exciting and interesting life.

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No one is having Thanksgiving this year and I just found out our family Christmas will be on the 28th.

The traditional family Christmas Eve, which was celebrated for over 100 years, is now whenever--sometime in December.  So that means I will be home Christmas Even and Christmas Day.

Why don't I just slash my wrists now!!!!!!!?

Ever since my 80th birthday in June, I ponder on why I am here.  What good am I to anyone?

The kids don't call or visit.  The grand kids--well, I have no idea what is going on with them.

I don't see my sister very often.

It's hard.  At one time, I was the "hub" of the family, but then......I haven't been the hub in many, many years, so why does it bother me?

I feel like I am totally useless to anyone.  They would all get along just fine if I weren't here.

I think it is difficult for a once vibrant, involved in everything, socially active person to become irrelevant, but that is what I have become.

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I have this fantasy.  I sometimes sit and ponder on it and see it all falling into place.

I have a new car--a small SUV.  I pack it up with everything I will need for a month and...I just take off.  I tell no one that I am going.  Just like my kids and sister do--they go on vacations, or trips, and never inform me they will be gone.

I meander around the country.  I've always wanted to see Vermont in September.  I stay for a week, on the ocean, in Nags Head, North Carolina's Outer Banks.  I get off the interstate and travel the back roads, stopping along the way to see whatever takes my fancy.  I might even stop in at Oak Island, in Nova Scotia, of spend a week in North Dakota with my special "daughter", Chris.

I wonder how long it would take before anyone realized I was gone.  Two weeks?  Maybe longer.  Someone would notice that I hadn't posted on Face Book.  Someone might contact Karen and ask, "Is your Mom all right.  She hasn't posted on Face Book in two weeks."  Then Karen might call and leave a message.  The next week, she might ask the other kids or my sister if they had heard from me.  She might even drive up here and ask a neighbor.

No one knows.  Would they worry?  Would a police report be made for a missing person?  Would there be yellow police tape around my house as they checked for clues?  Would my face appear on a milk carton? 

I have no cell phone to trace my whereabouts by GPS.  

And when I returned, would there be an ambulance ready to take me to the nursing home---where I could be watched 24/7?

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Just a selfish, revenge fantasy, that would in the long run, prove my true irrelevance.