Birthday tradition.  Pammie paints my toenails.  She hates it.  It makes me feel pampered, so she does it because.....I'm the Momma.

Two years ago.

Well, it's official.

I have completed 80 years of life.

It feels weird.  You'd be surprised how differently 80 feels from 79--which I was on Thursday.  When someone asks how old I am, when told 79, they just kept on, but when told 80, it's like now they view me as elderly.  A lot of "youngers" view the elderly as slow, falling down, memory loss, in the way, sort of humans they have to put up with.

I don't understand at all how I got to be this old, this quick.  There seems to be no definition of how 80 year old's are suppose to think or act.  I don't feel 80 in my mind.  I just don't quite know what I am supposed to do now.  

My face isn't full of wrinkles.  I don't have dentures.  I don't use a cane or a walker.  I am still quite straight and tall and not hunched half over with Arthritis.  I don't take naps and I'm not Lactose or Gluten intolerant.  I don't wear Depends, I still eat spicy food and I go to bed at midnight not 9:00pm.  I drink way too much caffeine and puff on my nicotine vapor pen.

People say, "Age is only a number."

Yeah...it's a number.  A really high number.

It's a scary number.  I've seen it in neighbors, family and friends.  80 is when everything starts to go wrong.  Pacemakers and heart surgeries become the norm.  Old age diseases set in.  You start thinking about which nursing home or care facility you can afford.  You make sure all your important papers are up to date and you plan your funeral.

It happens so quickly.  You feel great one day and the next you have taken a fall and your internal organs are bleeding.  You get the news of a terminal disease.  The next thing you know, you're in Hospice.  The next few years are going to bring all of this.

I should be grateful, and I am, that I've lived this long.  So many of my friends have not had that privilege.  I miss them, but know in the back of my mind, I will soon join them.

Negative?  No, realistic.  Truths that I know are coming and wondering how I will handle it all.

I hope gracefully, but I very much doubt it.

I don't know who I am anymore.  

It is very disconcerting. 

I got an e-mail notice Friday that the Meijer store was having their 10 for $10.00, 11th one free sale.  I needed cat food and me food and of course, Diet Pepsi.

So up to the Meijer store, because you know how much I love to shop on a Saturday...NOT! With 457 of my closest friends joining me in the store.

NO 10 for $10.00 sale going on. Apparently I did not read my e-mail carefully enough--it started Sunday.

I had my list and my $40.00. I figured it would cost me $36.00.

Got up to the check-out, back is screaming in pain, thanks to my Meijer M-Perks I got $3.00 off my order. Grand total = $37.32.

Took the $10.00 left from Thursday's lunch, when I DIDN'T get gas, and put it in the tank. 3.80 gallons. Got me up to 1/2 tank again.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. 

I had a few tears of frustration as I started home and then had to wait in traffic for several families of Geese to cross Grand River Road.

That made me laugh!

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I did absolutely nothing this past weekend.  It rained most of both days, so it was a good excuse to stay in my recliner, watch the golf tournament and crochet.  I also made out a list of things I have to get done.  So far, at 10:40 on this Monday morning, I haven't done any of them.  LOL

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I have a new lawn mowing guy.  The guy I've had for 10 years is going to retire, so he is trying to get as much $$ as he can and is only mowing large lawns or people that want to be mowed every week.

I can only afford every other week--$20.00 a mow.  He suggested another guy so Jackie and Dar and I had him mow....and an awful job he did!  Still charging $20.00.  There were areas that were either too long or scalped.  Even if the grass was wet, he'd mow.  Two hours later, when the sun had dried up the grass, it would stand up and be 5-6 inches long again.

Two weeks ago, Dar hired on a guy that is a cousin to our mutual friend Sheila.  When he was done mowing, Dar's lawn looked like carpet!!!  So Jackie and I talked to him about doing ours.

He and I had a separate chat.  I told him I could only afford $40.00 a month, so I could only get mine done every other week.  He offered to do mine EVERY week for $10.00 a mow.  He said as long as he was doing Jackie's and Dar's across the street, it wouldn't be any problem to come over and do mine.  He does a great job!!

The three of us chipped in a little bit of money to get business cards made for him and Dar went around passing them out to people in this area of the park.  She also gave some to our original mowing guy, telling him that we didn't like the guy he suggested and when he is ready to retire, to give his customers the new guys business card.  

This new guy has said he will also help with other lawn maintenance chores--trimming hedges, weeding our gardens..whatever we need.  The other guys don't do that--they only mow.

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Well--I'd better get going on that "chore list".  Of course, there's always tomorrow.  LOL

It's difficult to post anything when I am in The Pits.

It's difficult to post anything when minutes, hours, days are all the same.

The struggles remain.
Back Pain
Money worries
Lack of motivation
Loneliness

No one wants to read about all that negative stuff.
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When it hasn't rained, which it does, every other day, our weather has been beautiful.  Sunny and in the 70's, which is my kind of weather because I hate hot and humid.

My Old School Gal Pals luncheon was last Thursday.  I didn't know if I should go.  It was just miles from The Farm and when we have it in that town, I get to make a stop to visit "Lil Sis" on my way home.

I had less than 1/2 tank of gas and no money left in the gas budget envelope.  It was a 75 mile round trip and how would I pay for my lunch?
Emotionally, I needed to go.  To drive up through familiar countryside.  To look at the fields and see if any of the crops were coming up or even planted, it has been so wet.  I needed to see friends and my sister.
I had $60.00 left in my grocery budget envelope.  $60.00 and it wasn't even the middle of the month.  How is that going to last me the rest of the month?
That made me mad!
I live a simple life, but can't even enjoy a once a month lunch out because there is never any extra money in the budget.
So, I took a twenty out of the grocery envelope and off I went.

It rained constantly from here to there and back again.  I have a bad windshield wiper.  The rubber blade keeps wanting to slide out of the metal holder....so every few miles, I had to stop, get out in the rain and slide the blade back into place.

The lunch was great.  9 of us there, only missing our Bethie who couldn't make it.  My lunch total came to $6.00 because I ordered the cheapest menu item--4 tacos.  A $2.00 tip brought it up to $8.00 so I still had $12.00 for gas.

The time spent with my sister was wonderful.  We sat and talked for an hour and a half.  My BIL fixed my wiper blade, he thinks.  It did stay together for the trip home.  Then it was nearly 5:00 and time for me to head home.  Going home always brings me a certain amount of peace.
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Jennifer's oldest, Andrew, my grand son that I was always so close too, graduated way out in New Jersey.  Karen had flown out for the event and sent a video to me.  It made me cry.  He will be going to Bentley University in September--wherever that is.  Somewhere near Boston I guess.
Ever since they moved, I've been depressed.
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I have to get to the store today.  Cats need food and so do I.  I have been eating peanut butter sandwiches for the last three days and I don't really like peanut butter, so I am getting sick of them real fast.

Now as I look in the grocery budget envelope and realize there is only $40.00--it just makes me angry again.

Was the emotional lift really more important than food?  I can't rob Peter to pay Paul because Peter has no money.

Was food for my soul more important than food for my body?
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See, I told you it was all going to be negative.

How disappointing to go through nearly 8 weeks of physical therapy to realize it had done no good.

The pain returned the day before the wedding and by Monday I was suffering miserably.  I went in on Wednesday and all the stretches and exercises and deep tissue massage didn't relieve the pain at all.

Then it dawned on me.  The Prednisone I was on had lasted 5 weeks.  I told my therapist my feelings and he agreed.  He said it was very unfair, for therapist and patient, to try and help someone while they were on a pain relieving medicine.  The minute the Prednisone dissipated from my system, the pain came back just like it was when I first began this process in early April.  So, I parted company with the PT.

I wasn't very hopeful to begin with.  I knew they couldn't cure it, but hoped they could minimize it.  Well, the Prednisone minimized it...not the PT, which very well may have irritated it more.

So...I figure, my back is going to hurt if I work or if I rest and since I had outside work to do...............................
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Got my front porch railings and steps painted.  Got my raised bed garden out by the shed, worked up with a garden fork and planted with Zinnia seeds.

I still need to sweep the 457 million Maple Whizzers that are piled up on my driveway and put them into a yard waste bag, but that will have to wait for another day.
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June 10th, I go back to the Physiatrist and see what other ideas he has.  I have friends that have been on maintenance Prednisone for years for their Arthritis, with no ill effects.

I am going to ask him if this is a possibility for me.  I WILL NOT have any more injections in my back as they are painful to get and I have had them before with hardly any relief from the pain.
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I'm going to live another 15 years and I don't want to live it like this!!!!!

Saturday--Madeleine's wedding.  It was all done in Latin, so I didn't understand much of it.  Very sedate--no kiss at the end.  The bridegroom comes from a family of 7 brothers--1st generation German immigrants.

My Jersey Boy Andrew

Grand Parents:

Gary Miller (my ex), his wife Diane, me, Karen, Madeleine & Stefan, Mark and his mother Elaine

The Rivard Family

I now have 10 grand children

1 great grand girl and a great grand son coming late July

Della, Helene & Mike Klar. Morgan & Marcus Rivard.  Mark, Maddie & Stefan, Karen

Susanna Rivard & James, and Carolyn Hicks and Stephen Rivard who will marry June 6, 2020

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Sunday was a surprise graduation brunch for My Jersey Boy Andrew.  17 years old, enrolling at Bentley University near Boston.

He accomplished the goal of all my grandsons.  

He is taller than grandma.

Pammie and I sat with these kids because neither one of us

could get enough of them.

Pam was nanny to the two youngest and spent

months last year in New Jersey taking care

of the youngest.

Andrew 17-Elise 15- Alex 12- Evan 7