It's difficult to post anything when I am in The Pits.

It's difficult to post anything when minutes, hours, days are all the same.

The struggles remain.
Back Pain
Money worries
Lack of motivation
Loneliness

No one wants to read about all that negative stuff.
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When it hasn't rained, which it does, every other day, our weather has been beautiful.  Sunny and in the 70's, which is my kind of weather because I hate hot and humid.

My Old School Gal Pals luncheon was last Thursday.  I didn't know if I should go.  It was just miles from The Farm and when we have it in that town, I get to make a stop to visit "Lil Sis" on my way home.

I had less than 1/2 tank of gas and no money left in the gas budget envelope.  It was a 75 mile round trip and how would I pay for my lunch?
Emotionally, I needed to go.  To drive up through familiar countryside.  To look at the fields and see if any of the crops were coming up or even planted, it has been so wet.  I needed to see friends and my sister.
I had $60.00 left in my grocery budget envelope.  $60.00 and it wasn't even the middle of the month.  How is that going to last me the rest of the month?
That made me mad!
I live a simple life, but can't even enjoy a once a month lunch out because there is never any extra money in the budget.
So, I took a twenty out of the grocery envelope and off I went.

It rained constantly from here to there and back again.  I have a bad windshield wiper.  The rubber blade keeps wanting to slide out of the metal holder....so every few miles, I had to stop, get out in the rain and slide the blade back into place.

The lunch was great.  9 of us there, only missing our Bethie who couldn't make it.  My lunch total came to $6.00 because I ordered the cheapest menu item--4 tacos.  A $2.00 tip brought it up to $8.00 so I still had $12.00 for gas.

The time spent with my sister was wonderful.  We sat and talked for an hour and a half.  My BIL fixed my wiper blade, he thinks.  It did stay together for the trip home.  Then it was nearly 5:00 and time for me to head home.  Going home always brings me a certain amount of peace.
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Jennifer's oldest, Andrew, my grand son that I was always so close too, graduated way out in New Jersey.  Karen had flown out for the event and sent a video to me.  It made me cry.  He will be going to Bentley University in September--wherever that is.  Somewhere near Boston I guess.
Ever since they moved, I've been depressed.
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I have to get to the store today.  Cats need food and so do I.  I have been eating peanut butter sandwiches for the last three days and I don't really like peanut butter, so I am getting sick of them real fast.

Now as I look in the grocery budget envelope and realize there is only $40.00--it just makes me angry again.

Was the emotional lift really more important than food?  I can't rob Peter to pay Paul because Peter has no money.

Was food for my soul more important than food for my body?
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See, I told you it was all going to be negative.

How disappointing to go through nearly 8 weeks of physical therapy to realize it had done no good.

The pain returned the day before the wedding and by Monday I was suffering miserably.  I went in on Wednesday and all the stretches and exercises and deep tissue massage didn't relieve the pain at all.

Then it dawned on me.  The Prednisone I was on had lasted 5 weeks.  I told my therapist my feelings and he agreed.  He said it was very unfair, for therapist and patient, to try and help someone while they were on a pain relieving medicine.  The minute the Prednisone dissipated from my system, the pain came back just like it was when I first began this process in early April.  So, I parted company with the PT.

I wasn't very hopeful to begin with.  I knew they couldn't cure it, but hoped they could minimize it.  Well, the Prednisone minimized it...not the PT, which very well may have irritated it more.

So...I figure, my back is going to hurt if I work or if I rest and since I had outside work to do...............................
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Got my front porch railings and steps painted.  Got my raised bed garden out by the shed, worked up with a garden fork and planted with Zinnia seeds.

I still need to sweep the 457 million Maple Whizzers that are piled up on my driveway and put them into a yard waste bag, but that will have to wait for another day.
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June 10th, I go back to the Physiatrist and see what other ideas he has.  I have friends that have been on maintenance Prednisone for years for their Arthritis, with no ill effects.

I am going to ask him if this is a possibility for me.  I WILL NOT have any more injections in my back as they are painful to get and I have had them before with hardly any relief from the pain.
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I'm going to live another 15 years and I don't want to live it like this!!!!!

Saturday--Madeleine's wedding.  It was all done in Latin, so I didn't understand much of it.  Very sedate--no kiss at the end.  The bridegroom comes from a family of 7 brothers--1st generation German immigrants.

My Jersey Boy Andrew

Grand Parents:

Gary Miller (my ex), his wife Diane, me, Karen, Madeleine & Stefan, Mark and his mother Elaine

The Rivard Family

I now have 10 grand children

1 great grand girl and a great grand son coming late July

Della, Helene & Mike Klar. Morgan & Marcus Rivard.  Mark, Maddie & Stefan, Karen

Susanna Rivard & James, and Carolyn Hicks and Stephen Rivard who will marry June 6, 2020

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Sunday was a surprise graduation brunch for My Jersey Boy Andrew.  17 years old, enrolling at Bentley University near Boston.

He accomplished the goal of all my grandsons.  

He is taller than grandma.

Pammie and I sat with these kids because neither one of us

could get enough of them.

Pam was nanny to the two youngest and spent

months last year in New Jersey taking care

of the youngest.

Andrew 17-Elise 15- Alex 12- Evan 7 

Sometimes my life is so strange, I just have to laugh.

I had my flower money all tucked away and the list made out and calculated. $70.00.

I had to go to Walmart to pick up a prescription, which was no charge today. I looked through their garden center, it was a mess, but I did find a beleaguered geranium which should come to life once I get it planted and I got some bird seed because I am all out. $19.82

Then over to Lowes where I found two beautiful tomato plants, and red impatiens. I bought a hanging basket of yellow petunias because I can pull that apart and it cost less than buying single ones. Found some white ones on sale to--they are near death, but I think they will come back when I dead head them. $45.93

I got 4 dollars and 25 cents back.

Then over to Meijer because I have been out of milk, bread, butter, cereal, jam and fruit for over a week.

My food assistance--($16.00) was good on the 21st and I had 4 dollars and 25 cents.

I got what I needed and up to pay. Swiped my Bridge card and the rest of the bill was $3.89. I handed her the 4.00 left from my flower purchase and...................

I GOT CHANGE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have lees than a quarter tank of gas and two necessary trips to Brighton next week.

I have $4.45 in my checking account, but all the bills for May are paid.

I laughed half the way home.

It's hysterical the way I live, but everything is great!

WOW!!

PT today, more stretches and leg strengthening. At the end, he asked to see how fast I could walk to the end of the building. As I was walking faster and faster, it occurred to me, "I wonder if I can run." It's been many years since I've been able to run.

As I neared the end of the walkway, I turned around and started jogging back toward him. At first I felt like Frankenstein, glumping along, unsteady and weaving from side to side--then my steps became more regular and smoother.

The shocked look on his face, as I jogged faster. I'm sure he thought, "this old woman is going to fall and break a hip."

Meanwhile I am yelling, "I can run! I can run!"

When I left there, I walked really fast to my car and there was no pain in my back!

This weekend will be the real test. I will be walking a lot, and standing a lot.

I report back to PT next Wednesday. The way my back feels, I think it may be my last session.

YOWSA. I feel great!

The people that live across the street, moved in about 5 years ago.  They are the ONLY people in this part of the park that have a double lot and set up their home, across both lots, facing the street.  Their son was the park manager at the time.

The fact that they took away my entire view of the service drive and the woods beyond did not endear them to me.  I used to see deer and Sand Cranes and such almost daily--until they obstructed my view.

They were never the friendliest.  Not ones to call out a "Hi" when they see you outside.  I did take them warm chocolate chip cookies the day they moved in and if I see her while I am out, I will walk over and chat for awhile.

Bob and Marilyn, in their mid-70's.  Their younger son (40ish) and his son, Tristan (17) live there.  Bob went out every morning at precisely 8:00 to go into Brighton to have breakfast with friends.  Marilyn went out every other morning to shop at Meijer.  I have never seen any of the men come out to help her carry in groceries.

A few months ago, Bob had an infection in one of the tracts in his gall bladder.  He nearly died.  Then he was in rehab for two weeks.  He came home and was once again into his routine of "breakfast with the boys".

Then I noticed that he was walking with a cane and Marilyn drove him into town every morning.

Then he used a walker and only went to breakfast a couple of times a week.  Last week, I saw her and her son struggle to get Bob out of the car and into a walker with a seat on it and try to get him into the house.

Last weekend, there were a lot of cars parked out in front of their house.   This past Monday, there was a hospital bed brought into their house.

Tuesday, I saw their son out mowing the lawn.  I walked over and asked, "Dad's in bad shape?"

He nodded.

"I noticed you had a lot of visitors and no place for them to park."

"Yeah, my sister was here."

"Well...I just wanted to tell you and you can tell your Mom, anyone of your visitors can use my extra parking space."

He actually smiled.

"You can move one of your cars over, or have anyone park there."

"Thanks.  I will come and knock on your door when we need it."

"Nope.  You don't have to do that.  Just park there whenever you need it.  Night or day--several days--just use it whenever."

"Thanks."

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We all have space to park two cars in our drive/parking pads.  I only have one car.  Maybe having that extra space for them to park, right across the street, will help them out.

Meanwhile, I know what's going on inside that house and it makes me sad.  I especially feel for the teenager.  Coming home from school every day, wondering, when you walk in, if Grandpa is still alive or on his way out.  Is he going to die while you're there?  It's kind of hard to ignore the hospital bed set up in the middle of the living room.

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Yesterday I met Karen in Brighton to go to the round-about mall to find me a pair of shoes for the wedding.  I knew what I wanted.  Comfortable flats in navy blue.  We were going to check out 3-4 stores.

First, because we were right in front of the Kohl's store, we checked there.  Neither one of us likes that store.  Everything is "on sale".  Inflated prices, with a nice sale ticket which is probably the original price anyway.

We walked WAAAAAY back to the shoe department.  Karen picked up a pair of shoes and said, "What about these, Mom?"

I tried them on.  They fit perfectly and felt like comfy slippers.

"They look really nice," Karen said.

"Yeah but...they are black.  I know with my long skirt, they won't show much, but I really want a dark navy blue."

So my resourceful daughter leads me up to the customer service desk, presents the shoe and says, "Can you check to see if there are any shoes like this, in the back?  We need this size only in navy."

Then she tells me to go sit on the bench while she does the run back to the shoe department.

About 20 minutes later she appears.  "They don't have them here, but I had them call the Howell store.  They have them and are going to hold them for us.  Plus, I have a 30% off coupon."

YAY!!!

We get in our cars.  She is going up the expressway and I am going the back way home.  "I'll meet you at your house.  You can hop in my car and we'll drive up to Howell and get them.  Follow me."

"I can't drive on the expressway, Honey."  I said.  "I don't think this car can go 75, without something dropping off."

So off we go and I arrive home before her.  Which makes me kind of worried.  Did she get in an accident or a slow down on the expressway, because there is no way--me driving the back way and through Brighton, that I could have beat her.

Just as I was pondering all this, in she drives.  Gets out with a shoe box in her hand.

"I figured as long as I was flying up the expressway, just to keep on going up to Howell."

Took us less than an hour.  I hate walking all around shopping, so it was a win for me.  Karen has school exams she has to grade this weekend and the wedding next weekend, she doesn't need the whole "hauling Mom around" scenario.

Even then, she offered to haul out my pots from the shed so I can plant annuals.  She offered to vacuum if I needed it.  She took the bedding out of the dryer and turned the mattress and made my bed for me.

I knew when she was born, she was special.  I know that even more today.  What a blessing she is.

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This week I have PT Monday and Wednesday.  Hair trim on Tuesday.  Finish up the coordination of how I am going to get to the wedding and home from the reception and the wedding on Saturday.

Because Jennifer's whole family is coming in for the wedding, she decided to have a surprise graduation open house for her oldest, Andrew on Sunday, in Brighton.  Thankfully I can make it there all by myself!!!

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This sounds terrible, but personally?  I can't wait for it all to be over, including PT.

I just want to get back to my quiet, uncomplicated, peaceful way of life.

My PT on this past Monday seemed to really help.  I woke up  Tuesday morning with hardly any pain.  Of course it got a bit worse as I walked through the day, but all in all....I was pretty happy.

Back to the Physiatrist on Wednesday--he checked me out and recommended 4 more weeks of PT AND he prescribed another pack of Prednisone.  I LOVE Prednisone.  While I am on it, I have no pain, no where and my attitude is way up there.  It makes me feel so good.

He said that sometimes the Prednisone, will help for longer than it is taken.  That it knocks out the inflammation and...since he noticed the inflammation is down--he is hoping this might really help.  Back to him in six weeks.  I gotta call and get my PT started back up.

All I want is to be able to walk up that aisle at Maddie's wedding and not be screaming in pain!
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Speaking of Maddie, she graduated Nursing School last week with a 4.0= A.  She is working at a large hospital in this area--the same one Fred was always in, and she has already been hired full-time by them.

How long will that last?  She gets married on May 25th and I figured she'll be pregnant by May 31st.  HAH!  She and her "to-be" are both virgins and in their marriage are not going to ever use any form of birth control.  YIKES!
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Jennifer was in the area, from New Jersey, here on business.  Since that was the case, she and Karen and Maddie took me to supper at Outback.

I haven't seen Jen in nearly a year, still, when we hugged, I noticed she kind of held back.  When Karen hugs me, it is full on with a full kiss on the mouth.  Jen sort of hugs me lightly and an air kiss directed somewhere near my cheek.

Oh well, it is as it is and at least she is cordial and talkative.

That old woman in the back-center is me.  I look like the Wreck of the Hesperes!!  Trying to let my hair grow out a bit for the wedding.  I can't wait until I can get it cut waaaaaaaay short again in June!
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This morning, I woke up at 7:45.  Unheard of for me.  I had a terrific pain in between my shoulder blades, into my left shoulder.  I, of course, assumed I was having a heart attack or AFib, so I clipped my Pulse-Ox on my finger and my heart rate was steady at 61.

It may have been I slept wrong?  Then I had a bout of diarrhea and a lot of burping, so it probably was from the French Onion soup I ate at supper...because after all that, the pain disappeared.  Can gas build up that high in your back?
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I went to the Old School Gal Pals luncheon today.  It's the first time I've been in 5 months.  We had a good chat.  I wasn't really feeling all that well, so was glad to get home.  I sat down in my recliner at 5:00 and woke up at 7:00.

Like the saying, "I guess I really needed the nap."