What's The Point?

 What's the point in coming back to a blog I haven't posted in, in 8 months?

What's the point, when it is, as it is, and nothing is going to change?

Personality, I don't even see a reason to live.  But, apparently, my innards are too healthy to quit.

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It all started August 16--I fell backwards in the bathroom. It didn't look or feel bad so I ignore it.  Besides I had a 3 molar extraction the next day.  On aug. 21, I fell==same spot in the bathroom.  My PT determined that I would go to ER

Off to the hospital...left (drop foot) is broken...4-5 and ankle and heel are sprained.  Rehab at a swanky place called The Willows..lucky we know the director and a couple of nurses to vouch for us or we'd never got in here.

Then the stress seemed continual:

I woke up one Sunny morning and Maggie the Cat was lying dead in the middle of the floor.  What do I do with a dead cat and no leg/muscle strength to take care of the situation?      Suggestions to put in a bag out on the porch--93 degrees that day.  Suggestion to just bag her and throw her in the garbage can--pick up the next day.  Thankfully, my friends -Pearl and Merle's daughter Marge, who had been caring for cats while I was in hospital, came, lovingly wrapper her in  baby, i had for her, put her in a vanilla scented trash-bag, into a small box and buried Maggie under the ornamental tree  I had planted 3 years ago.

Back in hospital 3 days later for heart stress test and heart catherteriz ation. rehab        Willows, back to hospital for breathing problems, rehab at Willows, home, hospital, rehab...then one morning, the kids, sister, doc, rehab people, all gather and with one united breath                                                                                                             state:"There has been a decision made by all of us, you are incapable of taking care of yourself, you will be staying here."

Well, okay--but at least one time back home to go through things? Hold my Buddy cat,  One night in my bed?

Apparently not, because they added reasons to it and stated it again.  That's when I screamed and the nurse later described it to be as a "catatonic reaction" to a shock that came on too fast.

That was a couple of weeks ago.  For a long time I just laid with my eyes closed.  I didn't respond or couldn't. 

I'm still confused about the whole thing.  Some one stuck in a place I don't want to be, but it's the best place for me.  I have to stay here. where it's the same every day, the people are nice, the food is good...just to keep me alive as long as possible,

I ask again.

What's the point?