Deep in a dark hole. Up in the sunny skies.

It's been awhile since I posted.  I just didn't have it in me, so to speak.

I found out Wednesday that I would not be able to attend Della's 1st birthday party on Saturday.  I got an e-mail from Karen that they were going down early in the AM on Saturday and staying overnight--so I wouldn't be able to ride down with them.  Had I called Pam?  I could ride down with her.

Well, I didn't even know Pammie was invited.  They all text each other back and forth and of course, I get left out of that communication.

So I called Pammie Thursday, before she went to work and she said she was riding with Mark and his partner, Cindy.  In Mark's truck, that only has a teeny-tiny back seat.  No room for me.  She asked why I didn't drive down myself?

Because these kids know so much about my life--NOT-- apparently they are unaware that I have no idea how to get to my grand daughters, that the party was to start at 4:00, which meant I would have to drive back in the dark, which I can barely do and on unfamiliar roads?  Impossible.

By Thursday night I was pretty bummed out--especially since I had left a message on Karen's phone at 11:30 that morning and she had not returned my call.
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I asked God to figure something out, but didn't really think that was going to happen.  Hey--I can handle a
"no" answer to my prayers.

Friday morning, I finally felt at peace about it.  I didn't care anymore.  I would just sit home on Saturday and crochet/cross stitch and watch football.

Friday afternoon, about 3:30 the phone rang and it was Karen.  "Mom, I've been trying to figure out this whole party transportation for you, that's why I didn't call you back last night.  I just don't  know what to do."

"Oh Karen.  Don't worry about it Honey.  I have to realize at my age and not being able to drive a distance or after dark, I am going to miss out on some things and it's okay.  Just send me photos from Della's party."

We hung up.

The phone rang again, about a half-hour later.  "Mom, I'm here shopping for food and it just occurred to me.  We are having supper tonight to celebrate Marcus' birthday.  Helene and Della will be there, along with Marcus and Morgan, Maddie--Susanna is in from Oregon--all except Stephen will be here.  Would you like to come down and have supper with us?"

"Of my  Gosh!  That would be wonderful!!!"

"Can you get home from our place after dark?"

"Sure.  I have before.  I come up the service drive next to the expressway, then come through Brighton and home.  Lots of street lights all the way."

"Okay--we'll eat around six.  See ya.  Love ya."

I hung up the phone and starting laughing.  "God, you have a weird sense of humor," I said.  "You crack me up!  I'd like to slap you sometimes, but...thanks".

I often forget the promises to stop worrying and give it to God.
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I had a better time than if I had gone to the Saturday party with all the people that were invited.  It was such a lovely evening and I got home just fine.  

The new addition to Karen and Mark's home.

Enlarged the living room, now that their family is growing.

 

Della looked at me and I said, "Rip and tear!"

 and...she did!

It was so nice, weather-wise, that we ate out on the deck.

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Photos from her party--

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Sunday afternoon, I had just come back from a walk down to visit Pearl, ate a couple of string cheese and was wondering what to do with the rest of my day.

I heard someone coming up the porch steps and in walked, Jennifer.

No big deal, right?

This is Jennifer!  Jennifer who lives in New Jersey and I rarely get to see.

I leaped out of my chair and ran to hug and kiss her!  She brought me a plant in a heavy earthern jug with a froggie on the side of it.  So cute!

So surprised.  She is on business in Michigan all this week.  Speaking four different times at a conference on Impact Investing.  Apparently she is the expert on Non-Profits and at these conferences, people are coming in from D.C., New York, Dallas and Atlanta.  There will be around 3-4 thousand people at the conference.  She isn't a bit afraid to stand up in front and talk.

She sat beside me and showed me tons of photos of the kids, she has on her phone.  

They are breaking ground on their new home construction this week.  Her hubs is home and will handle all of that.  She is the main bread winner (she always has been, which kind of ticks me off), but it looks like his father may be ready to turn over his Prosthetics and Orthotics business so that her hubs will make some better money and.........she longs to retire from the active law work.

She has had Lyme Disease since June and she is very tired.  She's also tired of traveling all over the country and over seas to the conferences.  Evan is only 6 and she wants to be able to spend more time with the kids AND she has all  sorts of plans how she can do consulting, pro bono, volunteer, etc.

There is one thing with Jen.  She will never be one to sit still.  She is a Type A+ personality, has an enormously high IQ and is driven to help people.

She is a Republican with a Liberal agenda.  HAH.  She loves big business and the money the corporations bring in and she loves to tell them about Impact Investing, Non Profits and getting their money to people and programs that need it. 

She has been working pro-bono and representing some of the DACA young people.  She's only 45, so she still has a lot of time for a new "career".
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So, all in all, at the beginning of the week, I was not posting, nor was I on Face Book.  I was so discouraged and frustrated, sad and depressed that I couldn't talk to anyone and now.............?

Which just shows to go ya, hang in there, because you never know when a rainbow is end in a pot of gold in your front yard!

SCOREEEEEEEEEEEEE !!!

Me--at the Food Bank  Look at this Rib Eye steak!  It's almost as thick as a roast.  Look at the original price.  My Gosh.  Are there really people in this world that could afford to buy that?  I think I will cut in half and grill only half at a time.

Supper for two nights.  Corn and baked potato and Rib Eye.  YOWZA!!

I had to re-certify today and luckily my income is still below the cut-off of $1,200.00 for one person.
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Dar was over last night.  She always drops in around 6:30 and stays until 7:45.  That way, she catches me as I am finishing up supper and allows me to miss the national news, Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy.  She cares for none of these shows, but she makes sure she gets home in time to watch The Voice.

Anyway--she had been for her first session with the shrink they found for her.  He is well known, but she won't put up with any of his guff!  He asked her, "Well, how do you think I can help you?"

She took offense and though he meant, "How do you think I can help you when no one else has."

So right away, she felt he was just going to blow her off and send her on her way with a few words.

Then, he was sitting on a wheeled, stool, like the doctor's have and he rolled closer to her chair, Until he was about 8 feet away.  "What is the outcome you'd like to see come out of our sessions?"

"You're the doctor..you tell me!"

He rolled a couple of feet closer and she put her hand up and said, "If you don't move back behind your desk, I'm leaving!"

Can't you just see this poor guy, scurrying back to sit behind his desk?

Then she said, "After he got back behind the desk, I stood up so that I would have the dominant position and walked around, while we talked."

I guess one of the things he told her was that she "probably" won't ever be able to go back to her cashier job.

I said, "I told you that six months ago.  Sheila told you that last month."

"Judy--can't you say anything nice.  Encouraging?"

"Sure.  I encourage you to start dealing with reality and acceptance.  You'll feel less depressed when you make up your mind this may be as good as you get, pain wise, and do what you can.  You can still walk for miles.  You can still drive, where ever you want.  You're life isn't over."

Then she grabbed the top of her head.  "Oh--the horrible pains I get....in my head....They can't find anything wrong, but I get such a pain."

I said, "I can tell you what that is from."

"You can?"

"After I lost my promotion, for three months, every time my therapist or anyone asked me about it and I had to recount it, I got terrible pains in the top of my head and my blood pressure went very high.  It is part of PTSD.  It's as if the incident just happened and you physically react and feel all the emotions you did then."

"They do say I have PTSD."

"Well, that is one symptom I had.  I know.  It is very painful."

She started feeling a bit better.  I sure try, but I can't help her too much.  Even when I can identify with her on panic attacks, and fears, and night terrors and everything I had gone through that she is going through--it doesn't matter to her.  Since she is one of those "it's all about me" people, she thinks that whatever she has or suffers is unique to her and no one else could have ever felt like her.  

I say something to her about how I went through the same thing and she'll say, "Yes, but, with me........"  Her "condition" is always worse.

Enuff of Dar---at least now, when she leaves, I don't struggle the rest of the night, thinking and worrying and trying to figure out how to help.  She goes out the door and I forget about it--which is a self protective mechanism on my part.
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Today has been another lovely day, weather-wise and will have right through the weekend.  Next week predicted rain and cooler temps and, no doubt, our first frost.
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Hey--did any of you see this?

Michigan State basketball unanimous pick to win Big Ten title

Oh, it's going to be a wonderful winter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Triumphant Tuesday

A nice day, weather-wise.  We will have high 60's, low 70's all week. Which is great for me!!

I finished up my side garden today.  Cut everything back, raked it good and put on a top dressing of the Garden Soil Amendment.  I'm not putting the mulch on this one until next spring.  The bags of mulch I have left can just ride around in my car all winter!

Several times I wanted to quit and finish up tomorrow, but I kept pushing on.  The last trip I made to my shed, with the wheelbarrow loaded up with porch pots, garden and porch ornaments and my tools just about did me in.  Then I noticed, the raised bed by the side of my shed, where my Zinnias are planted, is still doing well.  They must have loved the 3 straight days of rain we got.  I didn't have the heart to pull them out and will wait---or forget it and they will rot away and I can clean up their mess next spring.

Tomorrow morning is my trip to the Food Bank--hope I don't forget like I did last month.

Oh, and I got Della's present finished.

Touchstones

Saturday I traveled up, through torrential rain, to my home town.  The Elementary Gym was where the Alumni luncheon was held.

When I consider all the graduates from this school, over the 120 history, there weren't many attendees.  The "youngers" just aren't interested in these hokey, old fashioned kinds of things.

I smiled as the program progressed, led by a prayer, group singing of, "In The Garden" and "Proud to be an American", where every single person stood.  I looked around, every single person, of the 100 present, was singing and praying.  Small town America.  Where else could you get away with this?  I love it!

Pammie was there, only 3 from her class showed up.  Her class was recognized for 40 years, ours was recognized for 60.

When I used to attend these Alumni banquets, they were held at night, we dressed to the nines and there was a dance after the meal.

I used to look at the old graduates and marvel that they were still alive 60 years after graduation.  Now, I am one of those old graduates.

My favorite teacher was there--still alive at 96.  He graduated the year I was born and was celebrating his 78th year from graduation.  He is sharp as a tack and looks as young as me.

Out of 36 graduating in my class, we have 19 survivors and 7 of us showed up.

If I had been smarter in High School, I would have accepted a date with the lovely man standing next to me, hung onto him and married him. He was one of those "late bloomers" and in High School he was kind of goofy, with the blush and sort of stumbling ways.  Now, he is wealthy and one of the kindest, gentlest, sweetest man you'd ever meet.  

Oh no.  I had to go for the popular jock and look where that got me!

The ladies in this photo are some of the ones who do lunch every month.  As you can tell, the one on the left front is not smiling.  We took 5 photos and she is not smiling in any of them.  She appears to us to be getting a bit senile and will say things that she should not.  I can remember, when my grandma first started in with her forgetfulness and senility, she quit smiling too.  Every photo we have of Grandma, in her last few years, she looked very sad and would sit with her head down, looking worried.  This may be happening to our girl.  
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Afterwards, I traveled out to The Farm to visit sister for an hour and then started home.  It was now getting foggy and dark (5:00) and I had a heck of a rough ride getting home.  I never would have made it if I hadn't remembered that in the console of the car, I had those special yellow glasses to use to drive after dark.  I put those on, and it made it seem a bit brighter outside, but it still was a long journey.
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It was a real nice time anyway and worth the scary drive home.  I wondered around the new parts of the school that have been added on since Jennifer was in elementary school.  This gym used to be our  High School gym, but with a burst of residency in the mid 60's, they tore down our two-story brick school, and added buildings for elementary school and built a new middle school and high school up town.

Lots of memories in that gym.  I even sneaked up on the stage, behind the heavy curtain and remembered choir concerts, Jr. and Sr. Plays, band concerts, talent shows--all those memories came back crystal clear.

Yesterday, still feeling sentimental and nostalgic and the fact that we ARE NOT having a 60th CLASS reunion, I got to wondering about those kids that live out of state....and really too far away now to come back home.

I have decided to send them all a letter asking them to write a brief synopsis of their life now and enclose a present photo.  Then, I am going to make up a newsletter with the info from each person and mail that out to everyone.  I used to make booklets for our class reunions, kind of like this, and pass them out at our Class reunions.  We probably won't ever have any more Class reunions and I have this real need to connect to everyone.  To have all of us be connected again.  After all...most of us started Kindergarten together and graduated together.  In a small town school like ours, we all were kind of like brothers and sisters.
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I started my next project.  It is the strangest pattern I have ever worked.  There are only squares with color symbols in them and no out-line of the figures.

Look at all the colors!

I think this project is probably going to be the most difficult one I have ever done.
I have started at the upper, right hand corner, and off I go.

Rainy, cold, mundane day.

What did I do today, that could be of any interest to anyone?  Such a mundane life I lead.

There is a Genealogy Group on Face Book, researching Millers.  They found me and wanted to know my background and ancestor's.  Since Miller is such an uncommon name--right up there with Jones and Smith, I explained that I was only a Miller by marriage.  Proud of the name, but.............

They insisted they wanted to see what I had researched on the Miller family that I was joined.  So this morning, I sent them all the direct line ancestor's of my husband's.  Maybe I will find someone related to my husband?

While I was on Face Book, I posted that I thought the President needed a dog.  Almost every President has had a family dog.  I see President Trump in need of a Rottweiler.  

A big dog, with a head as big as the Presidents.

Maybe a Black Lab?

I love Labs.

Just a dog that he could walk the grounds with, get some fresh air, clear his head.  He could rant and rave at the dog, and the dog wouldn't care  He could keep the dog under the desk in the Oval Office and when the Prez got upset, he could lean forward and pet the dog to clam down and find comfort.  Maybe then, the Prez wouldn't have to rant and rave on Twitter.  Hm-mm?

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After Face Book, I dumped all the wastebaskets and hauled the garbage pail out for pick-up.

While I was outside, I decided it was a good time to cover up the air conditioning unit.

I vacuumed the living room carpet as I had spilled some little glass beads when I was finishing up my cross stitch last night.

Added another gallon of water to my dispenser in the fridge.

Set up my TV tray, got my empty daily pill boxes out and filled them.

While I was watching my Soap, I took all the floss out of the project box and put it back in order in the fishing tackle box that contains all my bobbins of floss and other supplies.

I had washed my two completed cross stitch projects and hung them to dry a bit and after my Soap, I ironed them.

I will layer with paper towels and roll them around a tube to keep them fairly smooth.  Hopefully tomorrow, I can get to Michael's and get a frame for Della's prayer/poem and get it put together.

I already have another cross stitch project in mind.  So tonight, I will look at the floss color guide and go through the reverse process and take the floss needed from my floss storage box and put it in the project box.  I already have a big piece of Aida, 14 count, off white fabric.  36 x 30.

This is the next project.  Larger and more difficult.  This will take me through many football games, into the New Year and probably basketball games.  It is harder to cross stitch while watching basketball as the game moves so fast.  But--I've been cross stitching for 40 years, so I am capable. 

Did I ever show you my cross stitch, seasonal Angels?

These are mine that I put up every season change.  I made a set for Karen, and the Christmas one the summer one for Susan,because she loves Pink.  I also made a Madonna and Child one for Karen.  I made a large one of Hydragenas for Jen, as that is her favorite flower.  I've made many more.  My favorite one was a Russian pattern of a little girl who looked exactly like Jen's daughter, Elise.  She has it in her room.

I made each of the grandkids pillow, for their 2nd birthday's, of the thing they were most interested in at the time.  I don't have photos of the older kids, but these are what I did for Jen's kids.

and a Christmas tree skirt for my sister Susan and my step-sister.

On this tree skirt, my step-sisters grandpa had an ice cream shop in Byron, so I tried to remember what it looked like and put it in, behind the big yellow house--because her grand parents had the biggest house in Byron and...it was yellow.

I have done so many cross stitch things for people.  When I lived in Saginaw a lady visiting saw my Angel picture--the winter one.  She wanted to know if I would do one for her.  "I will pay you for the supplies and for your time."

When I told her that it took me around 200 hours to make, she changed her mind.  Even at 2.00 an hour labor, that picture would be $400.00, without the supplies and the frame.  LOL  The Angel pictures all have metallic threads and glass beads on them.  My favorites.

A lovely rainy day.............

Another bright idea of mine that didn't go quite like I thought.

It occurred to me this morning, as hard rain was pelting down, bringing leaves off my Maple trees with it and piling them on my newly mulched garden.  Next spring, those leaves are going to be all mushy and how do I get them off the garden?  If I rake them off, as usual, I will also rake off the mulch!

Okay.  So now I know why people mulch their gardens in the spring.  They look nice all summer.  So...lesson learned, on the side garden, that I have yet to cut back and clean up, I am going to lay down the Preen and the nice garden soil amendment and save the remaining (2) bags of mulch and do that in the spring.

Now I know why the mulch was on sale.  I may be toting bags of mulch in the trunk of my car all winter.  Oh well, the better traction to give me, driving in the snow?  Although, my car is front-wheel drive, so for traction, I'd need to stack the mulch under the hood of the car and that doesn't seem feasible!  EGADS!!!!!!!!
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I wrestled my porch wooden rocker into the house, to store it for winter, and put it over by the East window.  Maggie claimed it immediately for her napping place.

It was cold and rained most of the day.  With that going on for me, I spent most of the day finishing up my Nativity cross stitch.  I will wait until there is a 65% discount on getting it framed at Michael's.  I figure I can mat and frame the one I did for Della's birthday, myself.  It is smaller and I used to do all my own matting and framing.

This Saturday, I am driving up to Byron to our school's Alumni Banquet.  This is the time all who graduated from the school, gather.  It used to be in the evening, but now they have it from Noon-3:00.  Eating at 1:00.  My class is being honored--60 (gasp) years and the Old School Gal Pals are all going instead of having our monthly luncheon.  My oldest daughter Pam's class is also being recognized - 40 years-and she is going too.  I think the first one she has ever attended.

My sister is not going.  She says she can't be bothered with things like that.  Which seems odd to be because she loves getting together with her classmates.  Anyway, I will go out to The Farm to visit her after the "banquet".

I can't wait to see who comes up to me and says, "Mrs. Miller, remember me?"  and I won't because the last time I saw them was when they were 18 and they have changed a lot more than I have in these last 30 years.  LOL.  It should be interesting and fun and only $14.00 for all of it.

Night-Night

I've been working on the gardens--getting them ready to go night-night for winter.

What a job!  What would have taken me a day to do, back when I was 70, now takes me a couple of weeks.

I work for an hour each day.  I have my canvas chair ready to sit and rest when my back can't take it any more.

I didn't like the way my Iris bloomed this year.  I was missing about 3 that normally bloom.  They needed digging up and replanting.  I got that done using the garden fork to loosen the soil and pick all the grass and dirt off their corms.

Yesterday I wasn't in the mood to do anything.  I woke up feeling sick and didn't know if it was physical or emotional--sometimes the two are very closely tied.  My eyes didn't seem to want to focus, my hand tremors were worse than normal.  I wanted to attend the funeral of one of my sister's best friends.  She was only 64 and died in her sleep Friday night.

I am quite close to my sister's friends, because being 13 years older than them, when they were little, they all looked up to me and thought I was somebody special.  

I figured being in such bad shape, I shouldn't take the chance of driving up and back--50 mile round trip.  So that made me even more depressed and angry.

I got the garden all done weeding yesterday afternoon.  I went up to Lowe's and a nice young man from the garden center, followed me along as I picked out 3 big bags of garden soil amendment, loaded them on the cart, and 3 big bags of dark brown mulch.  

We had a conversation, because I like the chunky Pine Bark mulch spread on the island where my Lilac bushes and hosta's grow, but he said it was too big and chunky for a flower garden.  He showed me the kind he uses--the particular kind I really detest.  HAH.

He loaded my car and trunk.  I had him put the heavy bags of mulch in the back seat of the car.  I figured I could slide them out and into the wheelbarrow.

This afternoon, I laid down a nice coating of Preen, then put a bag of garden soil on top.  Planted my Iris, with their roots under ground and their corms riding nicely on top of the dirt, like ships on the sea.

I then got the bag of mulch into the wheelbarrow and went around with a sort of light covering--as he had advised.

I guess you are suppose to mulch in the spring, but I am hoping this will make spring weeding easier.  The weeds that do come up through, should be easier to pull out.

Boy oh Boy--bending over spreading mulch can be a real back breaker!!!!!

I still don't like it, but it is dark enough to look like good rich black dirt, so...................
I need a new edging for that garden, but Fred put it in for me, so it will never be taken up as long as I live.

Speaking of living...this gardening is about to kill me!  But at least the yard will look good when the kids sell the house.

The rocks in the back are from the farms I lived on.  I am more sentimental than a normal person should be!