When I was released from rehab, here, I thought I was done with rehab...period.  I had not played well with the therapist's.  I argued that my legs were longer than most and the equipment was too short for the distance built from foot to knee.  They just kind of continued, forcing me to walk when I couldn't even stand.  I just shut down from trying to do their exercises. They released me.  I moved in.

Last week a new rehab lady came in and wondered if we could try some new rehab.  "Sure."  With a flat, polished board.

 She has taught me how to transfer from chair-to-chair, bed-to chair--flat surfaces like and today, she put me in a standing apparatus and not only did I stand and sort playing cards---I stood for 8 minutes.  I feel renewed --emotionally.

 Another chance?

For the last week or so, I have felt  that my status here would be to get

weaker, stay in bed most of the day, than be moved to a different floor, fed, cared for and allowed to die.  I feel like I have been making lists in my mind--things I have to do before I "leave".  

This morning, a woman from rehab came into my room.  She said they had a meeting about me and they want to start rehab again.  3 times a week instead of twice a week.

I feel if I ever get a chance to walk again--this might be it.

    

 For one tiny moment--a smile landed on my face,

it is as it is.

 The last week of November.  These last few months have gone so fast and I have spent most of them in hospital or here.

I went to the dining room for lunch today.  "they" tell me if I don't socialize I will get even weaker and want to be alone more.

HAH!

I've spent the last 10 years basically alone and the last 3 years totally alone--except for therapy.  I like to be alone,  The ladies at the table seeded sane at least.  I wanted answers so I ask--"how long did it take you to get used to living here?"

    #1.  Mary--has a sharp nose, like a witch and a gray wig cut in different lengths. "I've neen here eight and a half months and I still hate it."

    #2  Ann--quiet, composed, sweet smile.  She said "I've been here 3 years...don't like it.  I dom't anyone ever really gets used to it...knowing this is it for life...no matter how nice the facilities, we are still"captive".

    #Julia -- scowled  atl the time--didn't say a word...not a word...just sat and look at me.

That may or may not be her answer.

 Karen & Mark Grand Children

Bennie(3), Della(6), Eliana(18mo.), Neeco(1yr.), Harrison (4)

Daisy Josephine

4 hours

 I've figured every way to die in this place--refuse to eat?  Stay in bed, sleeping day-affter-day?

Doesn't work.  I* aked to speas to a consulare, they don't have one.  They have a social worker, but talking with her brings out the party line/  The Corporate slogan.

I know I'm lucky to be here This is the best AL continuum around--people mpve easily from rehab.AL to Long Term Care to Dementia care.

I think the initial schock is wearing off--it takes about 6 weeks.  Every one agrees that the way I was introduced to the place, "This is where you will be living from now on.  You won't go home again."  Not being able to see mu Buddy cat again. look around at what I MIGHT want to bring here.  I know something strange feeling went thgough me.  I thought after, I may have had a stroke--because since, I have a hard time remembering and spelling...when the kids first set up my computer, I had forgotten how to use it.

I just know I need too find someone to talk to about how I get reconciled with this way of life.

 Pretty much doomed to living the rest  of my life in this old folks home, and no reason to get too enthused to break 100 years old/ it occured to me I should help the greater cause of the greater.

Some of us wear BiPAP breathing machines.  Haven't I read that they are suspposed to be cleaned?  I've had mine 2 months--it has never been cleaned--I think they rinsed the water cup out once.

I discussed with night-time hear nurse.  She said they had already been tying to figure which department/which maintenance under-department and she thanked me for ,concern.

I am greatly assured as we strap on our masks and feel the deep slither of dirty/water salmonella, germ buggies slide to the deepest reaches of our lower lung lobes.