title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Friday, June 7, 2013

A Relaxing Kind of Friday


The high today was:  59 degrees
The humidity today was:  60%
Cloudy and cool all day


51 degrees outside when I awoke at 9:00.  Lawn mowing guy was here--scared Maggie the cat under the couch.  Got their breakfast ready, but Maggie would not come out to eat, so I saved hers for her.  Hunger was more of an issue with Buddy, then the fear of the loud noise, so he gobbled up his food.  When the lawn mowing guy left, I called Maggie to come out and I put her dish down by the couch.

Of course, Buddy wanted hers too, but, gentleman that he is, he watched and waited for her to finish and then he could eat her scraps.  Maggie must have been hungry, as she left nothing for Buddy.  He weighs 20#--he doesn't need any extras!!!




See how gentlemanly he is.  He won't go near her food, until she walks away.

She ate until it was gone--then she licked and licked and still,
Buddy won't go near.  He waits until she walks away.


She walks away a bit and he goes to get what's left.
Nothing this time.  Poor Buddy.

When most cats--at least my Buddy, go to a window to look out--they stand up on their hind legs and rest their front paws on the sill--standing to look out.  Maggie however, rests her entire front legs on the window sill and sits down on her bottom.  I think it is the cutest thing ever.




There was a chipmunk out on the top of that metal can that she was watching.
The metal can is where I store my bird seed.

Or perhaps a higher perch gives a better perspective of the show?

It looks like she is sucking her thumb while she naps.



Sad state of affairs when all I have to do is watch my cats as they live their life <sigh>

==========================================================

My grandmother was forty-eight when my grandpa died--he was forty-nine.  She had the chicken hatchery, chicken farm, sheep herd and an 80 acre farm to run.  As I got older, I wondered by she never remarried.  One day, when I was about twenty-five, I asked her.

"Your Grandpa Roy was my life.  Every night for the twenty-five years we were married, he slept with his head on my right shoulder.  After a love and a marriage like that, I could never be with another man.  I had the best...I was never interested in the rest."

I never really, truly understood what she meant---until I met Fred.

I never got into the whole soul-mate thing.  The "love of my life" thing.  Yeah, Yeah.

You can love many people--a different kind of love with different men, but still love.  Some treated me nicely, some didn't.  When the relationship ended--it may have hurt for awhile, but a few months later, I'd look back and think, "What in the world did I EVER see in him!"

Then I met Fred.

We were so much alike, at times, it spooked us out.  We'd be riding, quietly in the car.  One time, I was thinking how nice it would be to go to New York State and visit my sister in the fall.  See the beautiful fall colors they have in the hills and mountains.  Fred reached over and took my hand and said, "You know what Honey...I think we should go visit Susie and Chuck this September.  We could spend time with them and take in all the fall colors out there."

My jaw just dropped.  "I was just....this very minute...thinking the very same thing!"

That sort of thing happened all the time with us.  It seemed we spent a lot of time saying to each other, "I was just thinking of that!"  It really was amazing!  Or I'd have a song running through my head and all of a sudden, he'd start singing it.  It was like we were connected in our brains somewhere.  

We never disagreed on a thing--because we were so alike.  About the only difference we had was, he loved cottage cheese and I hated it.  I'd open the refrigerator and see the carton in there and just about gag! LOL

I know I have written about this before, but I remember so clearly one time---we were watching TV and he reached over and hit the mute on the control pad and said, "It is so comfortable living with you.  Is that a bad thing?  To be comfortable?"

"I don't think so," I replied.  "I feel the same way."

He said, "It is so easy.  There is no drama.  There are no disagreements.  Every day is just filled with love and warmth and laughing.  I want to stay here forever."

Then he turned the sound on the TV back on.

That epitomized our relationship.  It WAS comfortable.  We are both easy going people, but we also had that certain something that connected us so deeply.  I can't explain it.  I once told him it was like "living with my twin."

I've been thinking about Fred a lot lately--which surprises me because he has been gone almost 18 months.  It's like the longer he is gone...the more I miss him.  

No--I don't have the pictures out and the shrine with the ashes and candles, like some "widows" do--I don't think that would really help.  It seems like it would just be a constant reminder.  I don't need that.  He is in my head all the time.  

When I was out working in the garden the other day, I stopped for a minute---it seemed like if I looked up, he would be sitting on the porch watching me.  I "felt" like he was there---even though I knew he wasn't.  I couldn't help it--I had to look up and..............two empty chairs on the porch.

This doesn't happen often, but when it does....it is an almost overpowering feeling and I always have to say something to him---which I know is just plain stupid!!!  He is dead!!  He is not floating around in the ether somewhere around me!  His soul is in Heaven--I know that for sure.  Someday, his body will be made new and join his soul---I know that!!  It's just the memories that come to MY mind and feel so real that I think he is here.  EVEN THOUGH I KNOW HE'S NOT!!!

Now I know how Grandma felt.  I feel the same way.  

People tell me I need a "friend".  Someone to go out to dinner with--catch a movie--go for a drive.  NAH!!! I can hardly stand to be around another man that acts interested and wants to flirt or "chat".  I just cannot imagine riding in a car with another man---sitting that close in a movie with a man---going to dinner and having to talk to another man.  Creeps me out!!!

I've had the best--the love of MY life--I am not interested in the rest.

If I can't have Fred--I want no one else.




I want this!!!!! 
































...and especially this!





  






Thursday, June 6, 2013

This Day In History

Today's high temperature: 66 degrees
Today's humidity:  55%
Partly Cloudy


I was looking through a book and came upon “This Day In History”, which reveals that on this very day, several hundred years ago, one Judith Jean Walts graduated from Byron High School.  The same high school her parents graduated from, her sister and her children.  At the time, it was called Byron Agricultural School--with a population of around 400 students from K-12.  To be sure, a wondrous day in ancient history.

Senior picture--note the beautiful pearl "collar"--we always had a pretty collar
 to wear with our pullover sweaters.

A pre-Senior prom picture.  She looks so pensive.


Senior prom with best friend Arlene and our
future hubby's.  We all look so serious!

Our group.  Always together--going to the movies,
swimming parties, pajama parties, band, classes.

There were six--we were going to all live close to each other--raise our kids together--and end up sharing a nursing home together.  Now three are gone--Judy, Emma and Arlene.  Bethie, Sally and I remain to remember and lunch together.  Why those three and not us?  Who knows!

I could only find one picture of me on graduation night.  Strange.

===========================================================

So--today, several hundred years later--I did very little.  I walked down to Pearl's and we yakked for an hour.  Rather, she yakked and I listened.  She was talking about the same things she told me yesterday.  I pretended all her stories were new to me.  We did not have a "discussion" until it came to our talking about graduation and weddings and when our kids were born.

She told me she got married in 1955 and her son was born in 1956.

I said, "I thought you got married in 1954 and your son was born in 1957, a year before mine."

"Oh--I can't remember.  How old am I now?"

"You were seventy-seven on March first."

"Oh--that's right.  Okay--we've been married  fifty-nine years.  OH GOOD LORD!  Fifty-nine years?  Anyway, my son was... is fifty-six years...ah...was fifty-six in May...so subtract that--what's the year?"

"Nineteen fifty-seven."

"Okay--that's right.  My first daughter was born in nineteen sixty and my second in nineteen sixty-two.  I had a couple of miscarriages between my son and daughters."

Then we saw Dar come out of her house and start walking up the street with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth.

Pearl says, "Look at that!  All the time I smoked and I NEVER let a cigarette hang out of my mouth like that!"

"Looks kind of trampy," says I.

"It sure does!  Brother!"

Then we gossiped about the neighbor that lives between us.

"Tami told me she and Ron are working from five to five.  I am wondering why their cars are home now.  Did they get fired again?"

I said, "They are working from five to five.  Five in the evening to five in the morning.  They are home now and probably sleeping."

"I heard them banging that garbage can around early this morning.  It woke me up.  I thought they were getting ready to go to work."

"Nope--that was when they got home.  They are very noisy--they usually wake me up to."

"Yeah--and then she complains when Merle mows the lawn because she's trying to sleep!  Work normal hours and no one will have a problem!"

"Maybe we should encourage them to get really good paying jobs--like fifty grand a year a piece--for both of them--then they would move away?"

"Great idea!  Maybe move to Timbuktoo!" says Pearl.

We then were done gossiping, so we talked a bit about our cats and how they are worse to raise then our kids were.  

She just got her computer repaired and home and couldn't remember how to get on Face Book to play games or how to get into her e-mail.  So we went back into her bedroom and I showed her and then I had her do it.  Then had her go back to her desktop and find FB and her e-mails again.  I think she will remember now.

She turned to me and said, "What would I do without you to help me remember?"

I said, "I will always be just fifty steps away!!"

And then I came home.  Productive morning. 

Then I drove into Brighton.....

There was so much salt on the fries, it burned my mouth.


This was left when I got full.  It had hardly any taste.  
I couldn't taste the beef for the sauce they had on it.
I won't be buying another one of these for a long time--YUCKY! and to think, I used to love them.

Next time I get a craving--I'm getting on the highway and driving 20 minutes north and get me a Flint Style Coney Dog!!!



My Weigela is coming into full bloom





Fred's Lily gifts to me are going to be gorgeous this year.


Fooling around with my camera, LOL.

I've worn a light sweatshirt all day--it's been that cool.  My grand daughter, who lives in Mesa, AZ told me to come visit because it was in the 100's.  I told her that was way too hot for Gramma--even if it IS a dry heat, LOL.  I cannot take the heat that is why, I could not survive in Florida in the summer.

I spent two weeks in Boca Raton in August 25 years ago.  I went outside to mow my friend's lawn and almost had heat stroke.  The neighbor came over and told me to get in the house and lay down in front of the A/C vent.  Their grass is funny anyway.  Not real grass--but kind of like a ground cover viny thing.  You could pick up one strand at the edge of the lawn and pull up a line of 20 feet or more of the stuff.

So I stayed in the house. It was too warm some days to even go into the pool.  I decided to drive over to a mall--ran from the house to the air conditioned garage and the air conditioned car and it wasn't too bad.  But when I got to the mall, to walk from the car, across that hellish hot concrete to the Belk's store--I thought I was going to faint.

I do much better and feel much better in cooler temperatures and low humidity.  Probably why I live here and have never wanted to live in Florida--even in the winter.  

To all my friends and relatives who DO inhabit the Giant Swamp, that I call Florida.  Be safe from the winds and rains and tornadoes!!!  Be safe, Inge, by the west coast and Sally by the north-east coast and cousin in Fort Meyers and Bee in West Palm!!!   








Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Wonderful Wednesday

Today's high: 71 degrees
Today's humidity:  35%
Sunny

What is so rare as a day in June?  Absolutely nothing!!!

I took another Percocet at bedtime last night--it is amazing stuff.  I lay on my back and I can feel the pain melting away--really.  I woke up this morning, feeling great and no pain anywhere--at all!!

BUT--we can't keep taking drugs--especially Percocet--it can be addictive and since I have an addictive personality--I only take it when the pain is really bad and last night--not only my back and shoulders were screaming, but my hips were burning.  No doubt from lifting the heavy back porch.  Oh well--onward and upward!!

I haven't taken any pain meds for months and months!!  Some people take Advil or Naproxen or Aleve for arthritis pain.  I never do.  I don't know why.  I guess after the constant, horrid pain from my "before replacement" hips, any pain I get from the arthritis seems like no big deal now.

I walked down to Pearl's this morning and we got into another discussion about a tall bush/tree she has in her back yard.  For once--she didn't know what its name was, so I told her, I'd find out.  I took a leaf off it and a blossom and brought them home.  It blooms all white, tiny flowerets in May.  It's not a cherry, or a pear or a dogwood--what is it?

I spent about 90 minutes trying to identify the leaf on line and then found images of the tree and the blossoms and this is what I found.


A downy Northern Arrow Wood!  

Never heard of it before in my life.  So I took the pictures back and we agreed!  WE AGREED!!!  Sure is a pretty thing when it blooms and is about 20 feet high.

Then I went and got my hairs cut--feels a lot better.  This time of year, my hairdresser says, "Your hair grows like a bad weed".  For sure it does!!!  I have to go about every 5 weeks--4 would be better, but I can't afford that much.

I came home and got my tools and headed out to the last garden to clean up.  The one under my Lilac and Rose of Sharon bushes--where a lot of spring bulbs are planted and some Hostas, that I transplanted and my Weigela, which is beautiful right now!  

Boy Howdy--it didn't take long for my back to start screaming!  So--I went and got my green, snaky, light-weight expandable hose and sprayed some Miracle-Gro on my veggie garden--which consists of two tomato plants, a hill of cucumbers and half a dozen strawberry plants.  I have little cucumber leaves coming up and some green grape tomatoes.  Going to be a bumper crop this year, LOL.

Today, I remembered, after I turned off the water at the spigot, to hold the nozzle sprayer open until the water had drained--so I didn't get soaked.  I am still laughing about the drenching I got yesterday--something like that happening is...so me!!!

The other day I made a trip to the rich people's grocery store--because I love their deli salads!!!  I got some watermelon, and a large bag of sweet cherries, and antipasto salad, mac/tuna salad, potato salad, chef salad, Caesar salad, Spaghetti salad and a bag of pecans.

Man!!  Have I been eating great this week!!!  I love salad and fresh fruit--it just is what I crave right now.  I was just thinking--I haven't had any meat to eat since---well---I can't remember.  I used to eat a lot of meat--especially beef.  I do not like turkey nor chicken nor fish of any kind and not many pork items--so I always ate beef.  I haven't had a hamburger since last summer.  I don't know why--I think I have a craving for a nice big Hamburger Deluxe.



Here was my haul!!

Well--there are no more urgent chores to do outside--which is a good thing.  I think my body needs a rest.  

Everyone says, "So happy you can work in the yard, but...don't overdo it!"  Are you crazy?  Of course I will overdo it.  I am having the best time I've had in four years--I am just so grateful that I CAN work in the gardens.  Every night when I go to bed, I am smiling and I thank God for giving me the miracle of the good surgery that allows me to be "normal" once again.  You cannot even imagine what it means to me--unless you have gone through it.

The constant pain--no matter what I was doing--sitting, laying down--pain--all the time!  The injections in the back--which did no good!  The bad anti-inflammatory meds that tore up my tummy!  Then getting to the point where I couldn't even walk around the house without a walker!

You just cannot imagine how it feels to be relatively pain free and able to walk all over the Wal-Mart, do household chores--all in the same morning.  Walk up a flight of stairs.  All the things that we take for granted all our lives---until it is taken away from us.

Tomorrow is going to be that day of rest for me!  I am going to walk down to Pearl's in the morning and then...I think...I just might drive into Brighton and get me a Burger King Whopper, LOL!!!

Try something for me?  Every morning, when you first open your eyes, say, "I trust you, Jesus", unless of course you are Jewish,  and then act like it the rest of your day.  You would be surprised how much that helps when things come along that can be frustrating or confusing or scary.


Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Tired Tuesday

The high temperature today was:  69
The humidity was:  34%
Could the weather be any more perfect?  
NO!
===========================================



After working outside yesterday, for a couple of hours--I was hurting so bad that I couldn't get to sleep.  I got up around 1:00 and rummaged in my bathroom cabinet until I found those lovely pain pills they gave me after my hip surgery.  These little miracles are called Percocet.  I took one and slept until 9:00 and got up with no pain and no stiffness.

SO--I decided, I should do more this afternoon.  Three and a half hours spent on the front garden!! I think another Percocet at bedtime is in order.


This is what it looked like in 2006--Fred put an edger around it for me.  It was to showcase my spring flowers.




Fred started giving me lilies for Sweetest Day and I planted them in this garden.  Then I transplanted my Momma Iris and a beautiful purple iris in this bed.



Now it was an Iris and Lily garden, along with the spring bulbs.  I also had a large Lemon Lily, that had been my Mother's, in the middle of the garden.

Then, Jackie, from across the street, thought I needed some Rudbeckia, so I planted one little plant on the west side of the front garden.

Well--four years of not being able to weed or take care of the gardens and--the Rudbeckia  took over--choking out the other plants.  

When Pearl came down this morning, we went outside and discussed what to do.

"Well, that Rebecca has certainly taken over the entire garden!" she said.  (Notice, what she called it :-) )

"You mean, Rudbeckia?"

"You call it what you want--it's name is Rebecca or Brown-Eyed-Susan."

I am not going to fight with Pearl over a plant name--not any more!!  She worked in a garden shop and she knows the name of all plants--remember?

"Well--I'm going to tackle this garden this afternoon and by dusk--there will be NO Black-Eyed Susan's or Brown-Eyed Susan's or Rebecca in it!"  

This has taken over the entire garden.  It looked like a huge planting of just Rudbeckia!

I still have a bit on the west end, but now my garden is back to being Iris and Lilies!!

The pots are filling in nicely.

I wanted to water everything--didn't think my new hose would reach all the way around the front, so I put another section on and watered with Miracle-Gro on everything.

When I was done, I turned off the water and went to un-screw the other hose and--it exploded water all over me with such force--kind of like being hit with a fire hose!  I had forgotten to open the nozzle and drain the hose first,  

OHMYGOSH!!!  I was soaked!!!  I laughed my head off.  Since there was no wet T-shirt contest in the area, I went in and changed.  Water dripping off my head into my eyes---I had just had a shower this morning--I did not need this.  So funny!!!

Come to find out--when it expanded, one length was plenty long enough to reach to the front.  GEEZ!!!

So--tomorrow, I tackle this garden--where I transplanted some Hostas.  It is an area under my Lilac
and Rose of Sharon bushes.  
I need to cut back the spring blub leaves.



This is what it looked like this spring.


Then, I noticed that my back porch was listing to the west--it is NOT on a cement pad.  Over the years, I have put shims under the back and front corners and the outside.  I pushed up on the railing to raise the porch and saw that I needed boards or something to put under the outside edge.

I walked down to Merle and Pearl's and asked him if he had some old wood--"I need a one by four."  He said he did.  I went on home and he came down in about an hour with three pieces of 1x4, about 8 inches long.  I raised the porch again and he put one under the back edge, one under the front edge and I shoved one under the side--in the middle.  Nice and sturdy and level!!!

I thanked him.  He went home.  Then I thought, "Why didn't I have HIM lift the porch and me put the shims under?"  Oh well!!!

"If I have to, 
I can do anything.
I am strong.
I am invincible.
I AM WOMAN!!!!!"

...and my back and arms are screaming tonight!!!










Monday, June 3, 2013

Strange Things

The first Saturday of the month, at precisely noon, the tornado siren west of here goes off--just a test.  They do it every month, starting in May and going through August.  Everyone in the park knows this.  Last Saturday at noon, the siren went off.  No big deal--right?  WRONG!

I heard yelling, looked out the windows in my computer room and Dar was running up and down her driveway yelling, "Tornado!  Tornado!"  I got up from my chair to go out and tell her--but then I saw Pearl's husband, Merle at the end of his driveway.  Dar ran over to him yelling and then...she stopped--he was talking to her and then, she walked back to her house.  That poor woman!!!

===========================================

You know what is really weird?  I don't think about Fred everyday--anymore.  It's been 17 months now.  I'm pretty comfortable living alone--except when severe storms come.

We have a donut shop in town that has been there since 1950.  Fred loved the place and really liked the owner.  Yesterday, I stopped at the donut shop--I had the "need" for a cream filled triangle.  When I went in the owner looked up and said, "Well, how are you? I haven't seen you in a long time!  Where's that hubby of yours? Did he give up sweets?"


I so wanted to say, "Yes he did---permanently", I have that morbid sense of humor.  But instead I went on to tell the owner that Fred had died New Year's Day, 2012.

He got such a look on his face and I noticed that my eyes were tearing up.  What's up with that?  Haven't I said those same words to other people that Fred used to do business with?  The car repair place, the car detail place, his favorite check-out person at Wal-Mart, the ophthalmologist?

and yet--my eyes teared up.  

I guess the knowledge of a loved one's passing never quite goes away?  The pain is there---just under the surface...and it comes out at the strangest times.

Oh--he didn't have any Triangles, but he gave me a free jelly filled Bismark.  
==========================

Today was a perfect day to be outside and playing in the garden.  I put a new edge on the one by my steps--and cut back all the spring flowers--tulips and daffodils, got all the weeds out.  Had to raise the stepping stones as last May, the kids had covered them with mulch :-(.  The only thing--when I put a new edge on my gardens--they somehow get wider and wider,LOL

Many beautiful "gifts" from Fred--lilies coming up nice and big this year.  (Notice--the chair-- for resting :-) )



So--then I tested out my handy dandy green snaky-looking expandable hose today. What I like the most, is the light weight of the thing. I pulled it out to my veggie garden, then went back and turned on the water--the thing grew and grew! Nozzle worked good, but it is cheapo, so it will probably break, but I've got a nice one to use when it breaks. I turned off the water, opened the nozzle to get all water out of the hose and it started wigglying its way through the grass back toward the water connection. Kind of creepy for a person who has a snake phobia, but....it doesn't roll up into a nice coil like they show in the ad, but it is so light weight, you can do it and then...................... I like it!!!


When it started filling with water, it started expanding and looked like
a regular hose.

I just coiled it up and laid it on top of my hose reel thingie.

Pearl doesn't want one unless it coils back up to the hose connection, in a nice neat, coil.  HAH!


As I was coming back up to the front porch--glad I had my camera--I spotted a Yellow Swallow Tail butterfly on my Geranium.  I haven't seen a Swallow Tail in quite a few years.   It was a strange and unexpected happening!!




Another strange thing--I opened up Face Book when I got back in the house and there are pictures of my grand daughter Susanna hanging with the Little Big Town band members.  I didn't even know she knew these celebrities!  I wrote a comment that "Gramma is worried that you are with celebrities and you have on shorts that are torn!"  Hope she understands my humor.  I am sure the shorts and the beat up denim jacket were purchased new looking like that.




I am aching tonight!!  Hard to get up from my chair and walk--everything is stiff and sore.  BUT--tomorrow will be a day just like today--68 degrees and sunny--and I will be back outside, weeding and cleaning up my other gardens.

Thank you, God that I CAN do all this.  I am having the best time!!!




Sunday, June 2, 2013

Monday Montage

One evening, I sat down across the room to eat supper, looked
up and this is what I saw.



One day, I sat down across the room to eat lunch, looked
up and this is what I saw.





Yesterday morning, I saw down across the room to eat breakfast, looked
up and this is what I saw.  
Maggie looking out the window at a large Mourning Dove, 
Scaredy Cat Buddy hunkered down, ears going flat, peeking
over the window sill.




Friday I went to the ortho surgeon for my 3 and 1 year 
check-up and this is what my replaced hips look like.  
How would you like to know all that metal is inside you?  
Creeps me out!!!  What if it gets rusty?



Saturday, Pearl came down and brought me a "tulip" from the 
Tulip Poplar tree behind her place.  
This is what SHE calls a Tulip Tree.

Loaded with yellow blooms, although you can't see them.


Saturday afternoon, I looked up and this is what I saw.
"Yoda" taking a bath.

Then he took a nap.


Sunday afternoon, I looked up and Yoda was taking another bath--
this time sitting on the floor.

Then, he took another nap.


Meanwhile--Maggie stares out the bedroom window at the bushes.


A bloom off my "Momma Iris"--it is more peach then it looks.
My Mother planted it in 1968--the fall after she died, I went
up to the house and dug up one tuber.  
I have since given tubers to my daughter's and sister,
and everywhere I have lived since 1970, has this Iris
plant in a garden there.
======================================================

Life is cut short.  

The extra lap for Buddy and Maggie is gone.  

My Mother has been gone 43 years.  

Yet--life and Mother Nature go on. 

I wish they made replacements for broken hearts!